AIBU to make an official complaint about cashier telling me to lose weight?

[LMCOA]

On Saturday, I needed to return some jeans to my local well-known supermarket, as they were too small.

I smiled, handed them over to the cashier and said "Could I please have a refund on these, unfortunately they don't fit".

She took them, laughed and said "You should lose weight then."

I kind of giggled in embarrassment, and got away as quickly as I could. I was very, VERY upset and had an awful weekend. I have BPD so I don't know if my reaction was a normal one, because I don't always have 'normal' reactions.

I'm 42, size 20, struggling with an autoimmune issue (which the doctors can't pin down) and menopausal. I am TRYING to lose weight but it's just not happening at the moment. Her comment broke me.

My friends are encouraging me to make a formal complaint.

What do you lot think?

@Ohthatsexciting are you related to the customer service bod?

Because you seem to have missed the fact that the OP has an autoimmune problem, is menopausal and is on medication.

Any one of which could mean that 'channelling the energy into losing weight' isn't quite that simple.

You are right to complain op. They definitely need some extra customer service training.

Some people on this thread really do feel people deserve to be ridiculed for being overweight.

I agree that context doesn't matter, there is no situation where it's appropriate for anyone who is a virtual stranger to tell someone else that they need to lose weight, regardless of job titles or anything else, except perhaps in a medical setting where it is pertinent to illness/treatment/recovery.

It was either an insensitive and poorly thought out attempt at conversation or someone being rude for the sake of it, either is unacceptable. I think you should complain OP, but as others have mentioned, you need to be realistic about what you will be told of the outcome, because they can't tell you an awful lot.

I once complained about a bus driver who said something inappropriate, sexual and judgemental to my 14 year old child, and who justified it by insisting she wasn't 14, that we were lying about her age.
He tried to back pedal when he realised I was her mum and pulled him up on what he'd said to a child.
I complained and was only told that the driver in question had been dealt with appropriately for the incident and an apology. I was offered some free tickets by way of compensation but I didn't want them, I didn't want free stuff, I wanted men like him to realise that this shit is unacceptable, no matter what the context of them being said.

Where you can complain about attitudes like this then I think you should, because it helps spread the word that it's unacceptable from anyone.

If I owned the shop or managed n o way would I haul in a member of staff on the basis of one customer’s word

Instead during a staff meeting I would simply reiterate the importance of not commenting on a customer’s personal appearance in any manner whatsoever

and then I’d say to the customer - oh absolutely I will be pursuing this with the member of staff and please accept our apologies

Not ridiculed but slightly exasperated that there is invariably the menopause or medicine that lies at the root of being overweight rather than simply a penchant for…. Let’s say roast potatos!

There are probably things about your appearance that some people might feel could be improved with a bit of effort. But I don't think you'd appreciate a cashier in Sainsbury's informing you of this.

@hamstersarse it's not the hamster who is the arse here ... your replies are weird af. OP hasn't said she wants her fired, Retail workers don't have the "right" to insult customers and where did you get the idea that OP is "angry" and out for revenge rather than hurt and humiliated?

Oh absolutely!

but I don’t need to change anything about myself for very serious health implications

A 'bit mean'? Seriously?

Very strange responses from some people here!

Sounds like what I'd expect from a hamster's arse, little nuggets of pure shit.

Just your personality you need to work on then.

Hi op.
She was very cruel and thoughtless and those words will come back to her in the future.
You have every right to make a complaint if it will make you feel better,stronger.
But don't be pushed into it if it means the nasty incident is going to be brought back time and time again as you have to type or speak it.Because that will stop you letting go and moving forwards.
Decide what is best for you.I don't mean just try to forget it,but accept it hurt,she was out of order,you are doing all you can,you're going through a tough time,then put all those thoughts into a mental balloon and watch it fly away.
Try your best to be positive in your life as holding on to negative emotions attracts more.live in the now and love yourself.Only we are in charge of our emotions,do not allow anyone else to try to alter that.🌈

"The context doesn't matter in the slightest. There is no situation in which it's appropriate for a retail worker to say to a customer "you should lose weight". None whatsoever."

In context, it could have been a joke.
My trousers don't fit - well then lose weight. Makes sense to me as a joke and that's how I read it up until the point where the OP said she is a size 20 and that's how I would have taken it if said to myself. Could be that the cashier didn't think of OP's size and just made a joke as she would have done to anyone.

The guy at my corner shop used to say 'on a diet is it?' when I asked for my diet coke. It was an obvious comment to make in contect and not meant nastily, but I can see that OP might take such a comment the wrong way.

WTF??

What does this even mean? Are you implying because OP is a size 20, she's not in control of her life? How bizarre

I would complain, the assistant was completely out of order. Whether you will get an outcome any other than a standard apology is hard to say, but at least complaining may make the assistant think twice about what she says to a customer in future if the complaint is raised with her by management.
I remember a good few years ago when I was visiting the UK and I went to the post office to exchange some Euros for sterling and the woman serving me said ' you would be better hanging on to these, but I suppose you need the money ' I tore a strip off her there and then and then wrote a strong letter of complaint to the manager.
Like the assistant who spoke to the op, she had no right to make an assumption, much less voice it.

YANBU at all to complain. I wouldn't actually mention disciplinary action or anything but I would definitely say that you were shocked and would like to be reassured that staff would be made aware that comments like this aren't acceptable so that it doesn't happen to anyone else.

If someone is genuinely not capable of judging whether that sort of comment is OK, they should not be working in a customer-facing role. If they cannot manage to grasp the absolute most basic level of courtesy, they should be moved to a backroom role where they have minimum interaction with customers.

I've had some shit days working in retail and hospitality jobs and no matter how many shitty customers I'd served that day, I would NEVER in a million years have said something like that to someone.

Wow. I can’t see how anyone would think YABU and don’t see the point in complaining.

OP, this is absolutely disgusting. Please do take it further. The employee in question needs some extra training in customer service and inclusivity & diversity. What an absolute c**t.

I’m sorry you had to experience this. Ignore the ridiculous comments on here.💐

Op my lovely why are you asking of course you complain.
Nobody and I mean nobody can speak to you like that
So sorry you were treated like that omg that woman is a complete bitch
Hope you are feeling better xx

Complain to the Head office and ask for a breakdown of action taken in their response to you.The staff member will deny it all unfortunately.

Couldn't have put it better myself!

Absolutely fucking unacceptable.

Complain. Every time she gets away with being a c u next Tuesday it further emboldens her to do it again. And some day she might say it to the wrong person; the person who is hanging on by a thread.

Keep your complaint calm and factual but point out how badly it reflects on their store and the impact this can have on someone vulnerable.