To leave 4 year old alone in pool

[CatTurd]

With armbands on and me sitting at the side on a sun lounger.

Just curious because I noticed all the other parents getting in or
following their 4/5/6 yr olds around. Maybe I’m being too relaxed.

I can do about 10 metres max. I could never get past that because my technique is all wrong. I can’t put my face in the water or get water on it so I could never improve.

I cannot believe what I just read. I am guessing your BF isn't the child's father. You cant swim and your BF wont go in the water. I really feel sorry for your child if you cannot tell if a situation is dangerous or not. How old are you?????

I would have got in the pool 4 years of age is very young and its always best to be
safe than sorry!

I cannot believe what I just read.
It's negligent parenting.

This has to be a joke now surely. I never nearly drowned and don’t know anyone who did. It’s a risk which is why we all watch our children carefully but it’s not “one of those childhood experiences we all have”!

He is the father. He just doesn’t like supervising. He prefers me to supervise the kids.

I can tell most of the time it’s just I’m a little relaxed about park equipment, stairs, pools but like I have said, I will get in the pool going forward, now I know. I’m 21

I suppose I thought it was okay because my parents never got in, or even watched us. Thinking back though, I did nearly drown on 3 separate holidays.

This reminds me of when I was remarking to a friend that the playground in our local childhood park looks really crap now because all the equipment is really tame, and I said 'When we were kids it was actually exciting, wasn't it, they had that massive metal slide and those big climbing frames, do you remember?' and my friend gave me a proper look and said 'Well, yes, but what I mainly remember about it was actually kids falling off them straight on to tarmac and being taken away by ambulance.'

To be fair I'm not a parent and have fairly vague ideas about safety in general!

I cannot believe what I just read.

You and me both.

I'll be honest I'm a little surprised at your comments. I was left a lot by the pool and nearly drowned once and its the reason I'm so vigilant, I often think how stupid my parents were.

To be very clear, her being in the kids end does not matter. They can drown in a couple of inches and it would be silent. You sound the same as me, I can't swim well/get my face wet. It's even harder for us to get to them. Think about it, you can't run in the water like you can on the land, the water drags against you. You really do move much slower.

You've realised you need to do more.

So does he. This is about his kids' safety, it's not something that should be a matter of 'preference' - he's the one who is more capable of doing this particular parenting task,

All I would say is I’ve been in pools where fully supervised children have had to be rescued by lifeguards so if there are no lifeguards at your pool you a bu unless you are 100% staring the whole time and able to jump in to get to your kid at a seconds notice

It's surely a lot better to ask the question, than assume it's ok.

There's such a range of possible situations here - on one extreme, a busy adult size (and depth) pool, with sunloungers spread about, with the OP playing on lying down and sunbathing. No responsible parent would think that was ok.

On the other end, you've got a toddler size paddling pool in a garden with a sunlounger right next to it. Most people (IMO) would be fine with that - the adults often wouldn't even fit!

A couple of months ago, I remember a post on here av.out what age children can be unsupervised in the bath. Most people were ok with popping out, being just nearby/next room by 4ish. This isn't the thread but it's in the same topic (stupid search function couldnt find the recent one)

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/3380704-what-age-did-you-leave-your-child-unsupervised-in-the-bath

It feels contradictory that on this thread, people are clear that drowning takes seconds, a couple of inches of water, and even looking at your phone standing next to the water is a risk, when at the same age people are routinely apparently leaving their kids alone in the bath, for a few minutes at a time.

I've never been to a splash pad etc, where parents have stayed in arms reach, except for very young walkers. In my local splash pad, there's an area with a toddler pool, very shallow, but still a pool. Parents certainly weren't staying within arms reach of under 5's (I was staying with mine but was the only one, except for under 2's. So I can understand why this question arises.

I think the problem is that if you’re not in with them, it so easily to be distracted. For instance if someone collapsed near you, or any sort of commotion started, it would be very difficult not to look to see what was going on. If you’re in the pool, you can grab your child first.

I do shudder a bit when I remember aged 4 or 5 regularly going in the sea with a inflatable ring. We also took the lilo in with us. But those were the days (1960s) when health and safety as we know it today was far far in the future. My uncle let off a firework in the kitchen ‘for fun’ too. How we all survived, I have no idea!

@CatTurd I see you've just said you're 21, and also that you remember near-drowing incidents as a kid. I was just wondering - was childhood generally okay? Sometimes if we haven't had great examples of parenting it can be harder to know what is okay and what isn't. Have you got support from parents/ groups outside the home?

I think after 9 pages of being told it's really not okay/ its negligent that OP has got that...!

Indeed.

You can't be serious?

Where is your instinct to protect your child?
You need to read some official guidance on water safety for young children

Doesn’t like to supervise the kids - plural! I sincerely hope this is a typo and that you and ‘I don’t like minding my own children’ boyfriend haven’t had more than one child!!! Seriously negligent parenting.

I think fine if you're sitting by the side watching them the entire time and arm bands on

You're boyfriend's a loser, take turns supervising the child.

I have seen a friends child jump in having forgotten her armbands, and she just slowly sank under the water, there was no splashing or calling out, just silence. We were all watching and she was pulled out straight away. Yes, in pool with the child, or maybe sitting on the edge of the pool, if it’s not to big and you can see the child the whole time! Definitely not laying down so you could doze off!

I'd sit on the side of the pool with my legs in the water watching like a hawk when my dc were that age and they were swimming arm band free from age 3. Kids can drown in the blink of an eye so you have to always be watching and close by to assist.

Any child relying on floatation aids needs a competent adult in the water with them. Even if a 4 year old was a confident swimmer I would still want an adult to be in the water with them at that age.

My childhood was crappy. What you said could explain why I lack the sense to see when things are okay or not until someone says something to me, or I notice other parents aren’t doing what I’m doing. No I don’t really have much support and I don’t like groups.