To leave 4 year old alone in pool

[CatTurd]

With armbands on and me sitting at the side on a sun lounger.

Just curious because I noticed all the other parents getting in or
following their 4/5/6 yr olds around. Maybe I’m being too relaxed.

By the side I mean sitting on edge of pool with legs in, a few metres away.

My swimming teacher doesn’t get in the pool with 4 year olds who are wearing arm bands.

she has been teaching swimming for 30 years and has only had to jump in once.

I'm glad you asked advice here, and are willing to take it even though some posters are being mean (just ignore any from now on who clearly haven't bothered to read the thread or even just your posts). You're clearly trying to do better than your parents!

CatTurd I’d honestly think about some adult swimming lessons and getting your child enrolled. As a non-swimmer you’d have really struggled to have got to your child if they were in trouble. Rescuing someone is hard, they’ll often fight against you, push you down into the water etc. Not something am I confident swimmer could effectively manage.

It can be hard if you haven’t had examples of appropriate behaviour but growing up but a healthy respect for the water is vital. I grew up near the see and saw too many tourists taking risks with their children.with small ones I wont do anything other than 1:1 unless in a teaching pool.

One of the reasons arm bands can fail is it is relatively easy for a child to take them off.

I am going to read some things on water safety. I just see a lot of this safety stuff as people being dramatic and dismiss it. But I will read it. My boyfriend isn’t a loser, he just can’t cope with toddlers/babies over the age of about 14 months. He’s very good with them until the age their personalities really come out.

I’m one of those parents of older children who spends their time near pools on holiday feeling anxious about all the really young children whose parents aren’t close by when they’re in the water. It terrifies me! I am most definitely not a helicopter parent, but I would never let a 4 year old be in a pool without me.

Your posts are horrifying, have you ever taken a parenting class? Seems like you need to, urgently, as a bare minimum. The deadbeat needs to actively parent his offspring too, not palm off life or death scenarios as ‘womens work’. Jfc.

That would be a very good idea. I actually believe that there should be required safety and childcare courses for new parents to take which would avoid a lot of these situations. YouTube can also

Please don't be dismissive about it though - maybe take a look at some drowning statistics mentioned. I've never experienced a child being killed in a car crash or being hurt by a drunk driver but I still think drunk driving laws and car seat regulations are a good idea.

On a sunlonger, sounds like you will be too busy on your phone and worried about your tan than your child who could drown so easily when unsupervised. If like others have said you are sat completely focused on your child ready to jump in like a lifeguard, it would be seen as such a stupid question.

I’m glad I asked for advice too. Now I know the answer, even if some people have been a little cruel.

I did look into adult swimming lessons last year but I’m doing my driving first and then maybe that. It’s a little difficult though because I wear glasses so I’m not sure how it would work.

I did a bump to baby class when I was pregnant with my first, if that counts as a parenting class. And he is NOT a deadbeat. He did all the night feeds with the babies. I don’t think I did a single one. And he works very hard at his job 5 and a half days a week.

• wouldn't be seen as such a stupid question. * *

Oh and your boyfriends needs to step-up - this is not all on you. It can be exhausting always being "on" for your kids so you need to take turns. He needs to understand that you are both parents and jointly responsible for supervision. As a PP said, its usually better having one parents watching then switching after awhile to relax then having two tired parents all the time.

@CatTurd I think this is another sign of your low standards to think your boyfriend is great as he is good with children until they are one year old then refuses to parent them. So useless then..likes babies but no interest in taking responsibility past that. I’m shocked to hear you’ve brought more than one poor child into this situation with a crap dad who couldn’t care less about them once they’re no longer a baby (so they’ll have no memories of him caring about them) and mother who can’t even keep them safe.

After trying to resuscitate an 11 year who downed in the pool on holiday a few years back when his parents had let him and sister go to the pool whilst they went back to get the towels, I will forever be in the pool at the same time as my child. It can happen so quickly and it's devastating.

Do you only have 1 child?

Thanks for responding CatTurd - I did wonder if that was the case and I am pleased you've overlooked all the critical comments whilst realising what you were doing wasn't safe.

It might be worth seeking some help- maybe via Health Visitor or Home Start is a fab organisation that seeks to support families with young children and wont be at all judgemental. Explain you aren't keen on groups and after posing on here you are aware your safety "radar" is a bit "off". This really isn't uncommon when you have had a difficult start in life and people are keen to support.

It may also be worth looking at how you view your child when they are upset - do you think its them "making a fuss" etc. You expectations may be unrealistic of childhood behaviour etc, especially if you also haven't been around groups to see how other children interact/behave. Are they in nursery/pre-school/reception - this may also be another source of support.

None of this is at all aimed at criticising your love for your child etc just the realisation that our judgement can be a bit off when we haven't had the best start.

I'm curious what you mean when you say your partner isn't interested when they reach 14 months? Do you have other children? Does he switch off from them entirel?

Hope you are having an otherwise fab time and having kids over covid has been tough . Well done for posting here - do keep coming back .

Staying on the shallow end? When my 4 yr old was on holiday I left him for literally a few seconds in the baby pool which was attached to the main pool by some grate things. He was on his rubber ring, and actually was able to swim a bit at this age. I literally walked a few metres away to get a towel and when I turned around he had somehow got himself and the rubber ring through the grates and was waving from the big pool. 8 started to walk over to him to get in and move him back, but next thing I new he was out of the ring and struggling and sinking. I jumped in and rescued him.

All was well and he was fine. I could swim a bit. I am a v confident swimmer. I was in the pool with him the whole time except when I went to get a towel (which I was going to bring back and get him out and wrap him in, as end of swim session).

That was a close shave for us. I'm lucky I am a confident swimmer and could jump in. God knows what would've happened if I hadn't been.

Even trying your back fro a few seconds anything can happen!

(By the way, he's 10 now and a competitive swimmer so I don't have to worry so much, but I still am v cautious with both my children around water).

Water can kill and VERY quickly

He doesn’t refuse to parent them, he just doesn’t like to supervise them. He will if he has to, but he prefers not to. Which to me is fair enough.

I have 3. Only the 4 year old has been in the pool so far. It’s our second day of holiday, before someone calls me names for not having let the other 2 in the pool yet.

*He could swim a bit ..

Nope, she said "kids" in one of the posts so I am guessing she has a few, we only know about the 4 year old, and shes 21!

WOW

How do you find things when you are home (Ie not on holiday) with the 3 kids? Are they in nursery/childcare at all? Do you feel like you are able to judge safety in other situations.

When else do you think the other parents are "making a fuss?"

My childhood was crappy. What you said could explain why I lack the sense to see when things are okay or not until someone says something to me, or I notice other parents aren’t doing what I’m doing. No I don’t really have much support and I don’t like groups.

It's probably good you asked even if some responses are a bit harsh. I would suggest one of those flotation vests rather than arm bands. They can move their arms around better.

It's not too young to start lessons. We could never afford for both kids to have lessons at same time. So I don't think people can necessarily comprehend that swimming lessons is a luxury (well it was for us) despite being a basic life skill. Even taking the family for a swim is around £20 nowadays.

In a normal swimming pool you have to accompany U8s non swimmers so it's similar I would say for hotel pool.

Who's supervising the other two while you're not supervising the 4 year old in the pool?

As a non-swimmer, you probably can't safely supervise 1 child, but you certainly can't supervise more than one. The maximum ratio is one adult to 2 children (that's what swimming pools in the UK, which have lifeguards, keep to), but that's assuming the adult is a competent swimmer. As you're only 21, I'm going to assume all 3 kids are too young to swim properly. Do not let the 3 kids get in the water without both you and your boyfriend also in the water and supervising properly, ideally don't let more than 2 of them in at a time, although it's difficult to see how you would arrange that. The best option would be for him to be in the water with one child and you out of the water with the other two, and swap children so they all get a turn in the water. Unless they're too young to care.