To leave 4 year old alone in pool

[CatTurd]

With armbands on and me sitting at the side on a sun lounger.

Just curious because I noticed all the other parents getting in or
following their 4/5/6 yr olds around. Maybe I’m being too relaxed.

Also watch out they run quick - still can't forget DS being 2 or 3 & I turned my back to put bag down on lounger & he had gone & I couldn't find him. Saw him flying out of water slide with older kids flying over him & just about got him out before he went under. This was a tiny pool on a French campsite but had no lifeguard. Still gives me the shivers.

Being a parent does involve supervising! Of course he might prefer to have no responsibility for their safety or well being but that means he is a deadbeat parent. Someone who is a parent looks after their kids and makes sure they do not come to harm.

He doesn’t switch off entirely. He can’t cope with them basically. Once they’re mobile and have tantrums or be destructive. He can’t deal with it. He just walks off/leaves the room. But he’s happy when they’re being nice.

The 4 and 3 year old go to nursery. The 1 year old is home with me.

it’s more I let the kids do things and then I will tell my friend and she’ll be shocked, or another random parent will be staring, or I notice a kid tries to copy and their parents tell them off. It’s nothing crazy just things like bikes down hills, lifting them onto the top of park climbing frames, letting them hold the dog lead, letting them lean over the duck pond fence. Like in my view they’re just gonna fall and hurt themselves it’s not a big deal. The pool is different I know now.

Hats off to you for not being defensive and taking on board what's been said.

Parenting doesn't come with a manual and part of being a good parent is reaching for help when you feel you need it.

You are self aware and know that your own childhood didn't equip you with good models of danger awareness etc.

There are parent classes and online resources you can access to get tips.

You are right to realise that the guidelines are there to scare people or be dramatic, children die every year from these type of avoidable incidents.

Keep reaching out, none of us are perfect and it's takes a village to raise a child

The other two were sleeping in the apartment. My boyfriend was in there with them btw. They don’t like the heat at all. I’m not sure they’ll even go in the pool.

Completely irresponsible post. Kids can die in an inch of water.

If one of the children in the apartment woke up and had a tantrum what would he have done? If he was supervising them what was he actually doing as he doesn’t like supervising?

This is a very good point - children should know NOT to go in water without a responsible supervising adult.

He would have brought them out to me if they woke and had a tantrum. He can’t cope with it. He doesn’t mind watching them when they’re sleeping or not doing anything that means he has to follow them around.

So he is happy to parent when he doesn’t have to do anything. Please don’t have any more children with him

I can’t swim, scared of water but do go into swimming pools, clinging to the sides but I’m in there. I’ve had adult swimming lessons, the instructor didn’t get into the water at all. She stayed on the pool side throughout. I’ve taken my kids to swimming lessons and it depended on the age of the group whether the instructors got into the water or not. Four year olds, yes, Six and over no, but a lifeguard was in the water in both cases. Older than eight, no one in the water and the guards were poolside, watching.
If you were an unfit parent you wouldn’t be on here, asking questions so well done on taking on board the comments, good and bad.
On holiday in Ibiza, dh and I in the pool, DH had his back to the centre of the pool, me, facing him saw.a child’s legs sticking out of the water, I drew DH’s attention to the child, and said That child isn’t moving, there’s something wrong, he took one look and swam over, picked the kid up, the kid was about two, in a swim ring, it was too big for him, he’d slipped out of it and ended upside down in the water. DH walked round the poolside, carrying the child, trying to find the parents. . The parents were flat out on the sun beds.

But what is he doing to overcome this? You are taking advice and looking at ways to improve your knowledge - how about your boyfriend? What will happen when all of your children are over 14 months? Will he just expect you to do all the supervision and he gets to be the "Disney Dad" only doing the easy / fun stuff?

Its great he did all of the night feeds for awhile - hats off to him, but you both should be looking at more equal supervision / parenting responsibilities. It can be a slippery slope...

What would happen if you were in hospital? He’d have to cope then.

My 4 year old can swim 50m but we either get in the pool with her or sit right on the edge to watch her.

Not an issue - but children should be able to swim by four and all in our family can (usually by two but that’s the Australian genes coming through).

You can supervise from the side of a pool but obviously you need to actually be supervising!

Hats off to you, OP, for asking a genuine question and for being willing to take the feedback on board. A lot of people are way too defensive to do that, but you sound like you genuinely want to do what's right for your kids. It's just that you perhaps haven't had very good models of parenting to follow.

It is true that young children will fall over and hurt themselves to some extent, but I would be concerned that your version of "normal" is actually far from it. The fact that you thought nearly drowning was just a normal childhood experience really underlines this, but it seems that you're out of step with the majority of other parents on other safety issues as well. It doesn't sound like you're incapable of identifying risks that might affect your children, more that you are just much more willing to tolerate them than other parents would be, presumably because you were exposed to a lot of risks in childhood yourself and that has affected your perception about what's acceptable.

A lot of us probably go too far the other way, we're very risk averse and we wrap our kids in too much cotton wool because we're afraid of what might happen if we don't. In your case, though, I think you perhaps need to be a bit more afraid of what might happen if something were to go wrong. It's your job to protect your kids and keep them safe, so I think you need to recalibrate your attitude towards risk and stop just thinking that accidents are inevitable. They don't have to be.

They all do know no swimming without an adult present AND they also know if they are swimming with friends and there’s alcohol with the adults they are not to swim.

Good grief. He's a loser, op.

I'm a bit concerned about the 100 people on this thread (according to the voting) that think this is acceptable.

I threw toys water rings for my son and his friend and he would bring them back (kids pool 30cm deep) my friend was next to me so eyes on the kids the whole time

Theyre 7 now and I still stand by the pool actively supervising (apart from when theyre in lessons)

ds 7 swims well but is only allowed in the deep end with supervision of adults and older siblings there too.

You're 21, with 3 children, your childrens dad doesn't like kids over the age of 14 months - doesn't like to parent after that.
Please - please, stop having children. He's a complete moron. This entire post is really concerning, and even more so that you cannot see all of the issues here are unacceptable.

I initially thought you meant paddling pool but really really glad to see you’ve taken on board the responses. Some of the responses are really unkind - please ignore them, you’ve don’t really well to see through that to the need to change your mind.

You said you has a crappy childhood and from some of your responses I am wondering if this is what has led you to have such low expectations of your boyfriend. It’s very reasonable to expect a dad to play with a supervise his kids. It’s not really fair enough that he thinks this is your job. He might even have fun in a pool with a 4 year old.

Imagine having a dad who isn't interested in you before you've even reached the age of 2.
Disaster written all over it.

Please don’t have any more children with this man.

That's great but you have created an situation which means they can get into water alone. Fine now while they are tiny and but scared but what will they be like at 6,7? We were strict about water rules for their safety always with an adult