To leave 4 year old alone in pool

[CatTurd]

With armbands on and me sitting at the side on a sun lounger.

Just curious because I noticed all the other parents getting in or
following their 4/5/6 yr olds around. Maybe I’m being too relaxed.

Definitely wouldnt just be watching them from the side... less stressful just getting in the pool.

Op you say the other parents look at you shocked, with the 3 and 4yo being in nursery, have the nursery staff raised any safeguarding concerns/offered advice? They might be able to apply for a parenting course for you to give you and their father some helpful ideas. It isn’t always easy if you haven’t had a solid upbringing yourself.

This thread has made me so sad - can’t understand why you are defending / and also continue having children with this man. “Supervising “ your children is a very basic part of parenting - it’s not really something you can choose to do or not to do. Unfortunately it sounds like you haven’t have a great example with your own parents which is hard to then parent yourself and you are also very young. I can’t imagine being responsible for 3 children and a useless partner at 21.

Your updates get more and more depressing.

Your boyfriend is not a good dad. Please stop defending him.

That's not what she meant by other parents looking at her.

Why would her nursery have safeguarding concerns? She's a good parent clearly she wouldn't be asking for advice if she wasn't.

She's 21 with a shit partner it's not the end of the world, she clearly picks up the slack.

I honestly think its clear you need some support as your sense of what "normal" is is squewed. (Mine was for a while in my 20s, my childhood was pretty awful so I didn't see why people got upset about "minor" stuff! I didn't have kids at that point though. )

I think it would be worth speaking in private to someone you get on with at the nursery (is there an older manager who seems understanding for example?) Or honestly Home Start are fantastic - they can give you a volunteer once a week to do things together with the kids but also to support you and be an extra pair of hands. You could then identify some of the things that at tricky they are amazing. Google "home start" and your area.

Complete no brainer. You get into the pool with your child.

!!!

Wow I feel maybe you need a parenting class! You now see how dangerous the pool is… all
those other things are really dangerous too. Kids need to wear helmets, you have to supervise at the park in case they fall off things, hanging over a fence of a duck pond when you can’t swim can also result in drowning etc etc!! If your partner is so unsupportive like he sounds, why do you keep having babies with him?! 3 kids at 21 is alot and it doesn’t sound like you really know what you’re doing!!

Wtf he sounds like a real catch, I can see why you'd want to have 3 children in quick succession with him 😳

Absolutely not! Children of that age can drown in a very short time, a lot quicker than you could get off your chair and into the pool! My child's life is far more important than 5 minutes peace!

I never really get a chance to talk at nursery. It’s like they just want you in and out. They’ve only ever pulled me in once when my second went through an aggressive phase.

Dw I’m not having any more kids at least for a few years. Sick of all the cleaning, washing, ironing, bathing, cooking food nobody eats day after day after day after day after day after day after day.

I’m pretty sure most pools in the U.K. anyway have a rule of 8 plus or can swim over 15mtrs.

no way would I be letting little kids in a pool and being like well they will be ok 🤷🏻‍♀️

I went to our community pool today. 2 mums with 4 children under 5. One baby being minded ,two just about able to swim, no flotation aids but confident, one toddler no armbands on edge of pool. I expressed my concern as I had brother who was drowned at 3. I kept my eye on them the whole time just in case. I think the women heard my concern and one came into the water with the youngest.

Domestic chores are the least of your worries.
I'm really not meaning to be unkind when i say this, but your posts are really concerning.
I think it's worth speaking with your health visitor about some parenting classes and support.

Perhaps you aren't being too relaxed.
Maybe you are just being irresponsible and lazy?

OP has said she had a bad childhood and would have only been 16-17 getting pregnant with the first. Sometimes when you don't know what 'good' looks like, it's hard to see when things are bad.

What do you think she meant, then? .
It's fairly obvious from that post why the nursery might have safeguarding concerns; at least to everyone else reading it... 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Johnnysgirl I think she meant that she isn't super cautious around play equipment etc not that she is a danger to her kids and needs intervention.

I think this is one of the most depressing threads I’ve ever read on here

Shit no.
My 2 year old dd is a very confident swimmer (due to being brought up in and around water every day). I wouldn’t sit and watch, I’d be in there with her. Because even though my dd probably swims better than most adults, she’s a child and she requires supervision. Just like they do at home.

Op you should ask you HV for some parenting classes. It might also help you find some 'mum' friends.

Op I totally get its maybe not that easy to fit in at parent & toddler groups when the majority will be much older than you.

Do you have much support from your BFs family? 21 with 3 kids and little support must be tough for both of you. I'm assuming BF is similar age.

Op has zero awareness of how to keep her kids safe! Of course she needs help.

I agree.

I feel really sorry for OP, having read her updates. Her DP is awful, and she's not getting the support she needs to make the best choices for her DC - but clearly wants to do her best.

OP, I hope that you might be able to see how unsupportive & lacking in parental responsibility your partner is, from some of the replies you've got here.

He might appear to give little support but she did say he did the night-feeds. And he is working 5 and half days. Give credit where its due.

But Op is in a difficult position with no other family support. 😕 I'm guessing care leaver or something who's had little parental guidance herself. He's possibly the same.

@CatTurd I have read your question and all your responses to comments. I think you are learning a harsh lesson but you are a good mum in so many ways.

You are in a situation, you looked at what you are doing and you looked at what’s other mums are doing, compared and asked here for assistance. You have a lot to learn but you are learning. Huge congratulations from me.

Lots of mums in here are kind. You can always come here, or to one of the other parenting threads and ask for more help. Enjoy your holiday.