To leave 4 year old alone in pool

[CatTurd]

With armbands on and me sitting at the side on a sun lounger.

Just curious because I noticed all the other parents getting in or
following their 4/5/6 yr olds around. Maybe I’m being too relaxed.

Erm, plenty of men manage to work full time, do night feeds, and supervise their children. It’s not rocket science. You don’t get to pick and choose which parts of parenting you want to take part in. OP doesn’t get to choose does she.

He’s not good enough.

This is a post from a parent actually asking for advice as she is young with three small DC and had what seems to have been a neglectful childhood so no "yardstick" and also has a useless partner, but not the experience or to realise this either.

What do people think is more helpful - advice and support, or judgement and abuse? Posters insulting her with irresponsible or lazy or saying she is a shit parent etc - do you think this will encourage OP (or anyone else reading) to ask for advice from anyone ever again?

Women who actually ask for advice on keeping their DC safe, or support in how to set their bar higher with relationships, should be able to come to MN and receive that support, advice and signposting. I know some posters have done that, but the posters who are judging and insulting really should be ashamed here.

Gosh how many times can I say asking for advice

He could maybe help more but I'm guessing neither of them have had great role models in their life's and slating the only help she has is hardly helpful.

@TheSandgroper is right Op is a good mum, looking at what other mums are doing, and thinking should I be doing that?

I really wish them both well and hope they are able to do better for their kids than what they had growing up.

Women who actually ask for advice on keeping their DC safe, or support in how to set their bar higher with relationships, should be able to come to MN and receive that support, advice and signposting. I know some posters have done that, but the posters who are judging and insulting really should be ashamed here.

ITA. But unfortunately I suspect many of those people didn't bother to read the thread - or even the OPs posts beyond the first, and won't read your post either.
Maybe there needs to be more reporting of nasty, unhelpful posts as being 'not in the spirit'?

m.independent.ie/irish-news/irish-girl-7-in-critical-condition-in-spain-after-incident-in-hotel-pool-41774372.html

@CatTurd don’t take any chances

I totally get if you've not had the best childhood, not knowing what is 'normal.'
We were latch-key kids, food was freezer to fryer/microwavestuff that we often made ourselves from 9/10 onwards. I still really struggle with menu planning for healthy meals.
My parents were borderline hoarders too, so I had no idea about housework and had to learn as I went along. I don't think think I'll ever have an immaculate house though.

OP, you seem to have taken the advice on board. A little time on Youtube will show you how quickly things can go wrong in various situations.

I hope you are able to enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Well done OP on considering the advice given, that's not easy.

I mean this kindly, you've got a lot to learn. Keep asking questions, and learning (and ignore the people who look for any excuse for an attack; a bit of context about how you haven't had an ideal foundation in knowing what sensible parenting looks like should fend off most and make it easy to identify those who are twats out of principle.)

When you're sorted on the driving it is well worth learning to swim for your own pleasure and for family fun when they're older.

Your partner does need to be more proactive in supervising. Toddlers/ pre-schoolers are tough and he needs to do his fair share. There's a lot more to parenting than bottles when they're babies.

So god forbid your little slipped under the water who is going to be saving them? Since their Dad doesn’t want to supervise them and their Mum doesn’t like to get her face wet?

In this ridiculous situation the very least you should be doing is not letting your 4 year old in the water if she can’t be properly looked after. Oh and people aren’t being ‘cruel’ I think they are quite frankly shocked.

All it takes is the child to fall into the water, go under and breathe in when panicking. Lungs fill with water and it becomes a real problem. I don't know why you wouldn't want to be sharing that time with your child anyway. My daughter would want me in there splashing around with her!

www.walesonline.co.uk/news/world-news/irish-girl-7-dies-hospital-24300215.amp

Its not ‘relaxed’ parenting OP it’s fucking neglect

If your child is not a competent swimmer without armbands on you should be in the pool. Anything can happen, the valve can pop open, one could come off etc leaving your child in danger.

Ok I've seen your age, I think people are being a bit harsh now. Simply, yes children under 8 should be closely supervised and then over that age monitored still. Children can be very silly and accidents can happen. Is there a life guard around the pool area? I'm sorry your parents sucked, maybe do the opposite of what they did especially to do with pool safety. You'll learn as you go to undo childhood toxicity you experienced and to give your child a better life. Just love and protect them ❤️

Well done for recognising you might be doing something wrong and asking for advice on here. That shows awareness and that you are obviously a good mum that just needs a little direction as you didn't have the best examples in your own parents.
Ignore the rude comments. Completely unhelpful and unkind in some cases.
Three children at your age is a lot of work! Their dad sounds like he's a hard worker and did a lot when they were babies which is great but you do need support from him now they are older too.
Will he be open to talking about it?
Does he get frustrated with the kids when they play up or is it more he doesn't really know what to do?
He doesn't sound like a bad dad if he did all the night feeds, just maybe is a bit out of his depth if he's a young dad too.

Oh my lord..

Being 21 is no excuse to be neglectful I gave birth at 17 that's just common sense.

I guess it depends if they can swim but personally I think its very risky and dangerous and not something I would ever do or recommend. My 4 year old just sinks if he isn't holding onto a woggle or the side so always have to follow him around the pool even though he's convinced he can swim and sinking is part of it 😭

Read the Ops posts, her age is only half the issue, she didn't have a great childhood herself, no family support, so doesn't really know how to be a good parent.

She's trying to learn from watching other mums. And asking on here.

Don't scare her off, we all have to help someone who is trying.

FFS! Her kid was in the water with her watching. She has now been told that maybe at that age she should be in the water and has taken this on board!
the other two were asleep with their father present.
the patronising shit being pedalled at a young mum sitting by a pool is crackers.
OP you’ve got yourself and 3 young kids to a foreign country (presumably by plane despite the chaos) you’re clearly bossing it.
watching your kids like a hawk in water, love your partner despite him not being 100% perfect and have an ace holiday.
ignore the hatred from posters on here

Three weeks ago 6 year old drowned, two days ago 7 year old drowned. I don't know if they had arm bands on or not. But arm bands aren't 100% foolproof.

Your boyfriend is a dick (in fact, maybe that's all he is).

But you seem to have made that particular bed.

Three weeks ago 6 year old drowned, two days ago 7 year old drowned. I don't know if they had arm bands on or not. But arm bands aren't 100% foolproof

arm bands aren’t even 1% foolproof.

in fact they can increase the risk because parents don't think they need to supervise as closely if the child has armbands on.

Then you get the kids who give one to a friend, think it’ll be fun to put them on their ankles….

they also stop the child from learning to swim and how to control their own bouyancy, so the child doesn’t realise the armbands hold them up and how unsafe they are in the water. It’s very common for small children to get out the pool, armbands off, parent turns to grab a towel, child jumps back in for another swim and sinks.