I am married to a Muslim Arab, very happily married and there are no issues around us being different religions as he’s not that religious.
DSis is also married. Her husband is a racist bastard and wants nothing to do with us because I married a Muslim. Took a while for the truth to come out but when I started dating my husband, I realised BIL was less friendly and slowly pulling away, but I didn’t realise there was an issue until DSis finally told me. He justifies his racism saying he has his reasons for not liking Muslims and not liking Arabs and wants nothing to do with us. I think DSis knows more about his views than she lets on, but that’s for her.
It does mean DSis is in a tricky position. We don’t live anywhere near each other so only visit my hometown 3-4 times a year, and each time he makes it really difficult for her to see us, going as far as threatening divorce. DSis recognises she’s in a controlling and emotionally abusive relationship, but she keeps hope that he will change so she has no interest in leaving him.
They’ve reached a compromise of sorts that when we visit my parents, DSis can visit us, but their son, my nephew, can’t. He realises he can’t stop DSis from seeing us, but can stop their son.
Now on to the AIBU. This really upsets me. I want to see my nephew and want him to be close to my daughter. I know they won’t grow up together as we live too far apart, but I want them to be close as cousins. DH on the other hand feels that DD shouldn’t have a relationship with my nephew on the back of all this. He says his feelings for my nephew has changed, as he used to really adore him when he was first born, but is now indifferent to him because of the issues with his dad. He says he feels no love or warmth for him anymore.
I keep getting upset at the whole situation and want us to find a solution but DH says that this is all their doing and we need to protect DD from any potential negative behaviour from my nephew. He has already told us his dad doesn’t like us, so there is a possibility his dad is feeding him more stories and as DD is mixed race, we need to protect her. He isn’t stopping me from finding ways for DD to see my nephew, just thinks we shouldn’t force it. But to me, family is so so important and it breaks my heart that DH isn’t being proactive in building a relationship between DD and my nephew.
I do think DH is more hurt by the whole situation than he makes out, but it’s DSis that is in the difficult position as it’s her marriage that’s affected by this.