To think it should have come out of her pocket money not my son's?

[Kiplingsroad]

My DC had to bring a small amount of money to an event for school yesterday. He brought it on the correct day and tried to give it to the TA and she said, no, you've already paid, you don't need to give me money.

She then came up to me today and asked me for money as he should have paid, she had made an error yesterday.

I asked him where it was and he said he'd lost it (he's 8 and probably put it in his pocket and it fell out in playground, I imagine.)

I said, sorry, he's lost it.

She said you still need to pay, he hasn't paid.

I said, but he had the money, he tried to do the right thing and pay you, and now he's lost it.

She then said, well, come inside and she found another teacher to translate (we're in Germany) and the conversation continued with her saying he shouldn't have lost it, he's going into year three, he needs to be more careful, and it should come out of his pocket money.

I said, look,the point is he tried to do the right thing and was stopped by you. Why should it come out of his pocket money if he then loses it? He shouldn't have had it on him in the first place to lose.

She was furious. She has form for being quite tough on him and has been for two years. He is having friendship issues, has just been diagnosed with dyslexia, and absolutely hates school. So in this case I felt it was unfair of her to blame him for her error, and chase me up.

WIBU?

For context, this is for an event at the school, so all money goes into a pot, and I spent plenty of money anyway - I actually bought a kid whose mum hadn't got there yet a bratwurst, so they did get the money in the end.

Dyslexia isn’t just about difficulty with reading and spelling, it has a massive impact on organisation skills, time management and caring for his own things.

However, you won’t be paying twice, he lost his money, no doubt someone else found it and treated themselves to sweets.

He may need a safe place at school to put things, other 8 year olds might be more careful, but dyslexic children don’t find it easy, don’t take things for granted, just some gentle steering.

I am the mother of a wonderful young man that has dyslexia, he was taught all kind of strategies to help him to cope. On the back of that I went and educated myself, you’d be amazed at other struggles they have.

I’m not really seeing how it’s her error, unless her mistake was thinking an 8 year old could hold onto the money for a bit longer and not lose it. Presumably the other kids managed. Dyslexia or not, it’s not particularly unreasonable as far as assumptions go.

If her failure was in not predicting the future, then it’s your fault in not anticipating that she wasn’t necessarily going to be able to drop whatever she was doing and take the money right then and there when he offered it.

Him losing the money doesn’t mean you don’t still owe it.

Colouringaddict and gamerchick thanks those comments are really helpful. I need to learn more, it's a fairly recent diagnosis.

Yes, because one mistake does not always cancel, a further mistake, that may result from x event not happening.

If you can't handle German culture, don't live there? Why do you think you get to live there and then tell them how to act?

pixie5121 I've reported your post, not sure what you got out of coming on here and posting that but go you!

Honey, maybe you could stop posting on behalf of the OP and let her speak for herself?
One might almost think you were there. You sound very involved.

YANBU!
I’m a teacher. Kids lose their money ALL THE TIME! Regardless of their age! I’m assuming it was a few euros and as you say, you already contributed by buying for another child.
(I will always give money to any child who has forgotten or lost their money for these type of things. Because otherwise it’s miserable for them.
I keep a tub on my table and any unclaimed money found in class goes in there and I use that. Or my own.
And no, I don’t ask for it back if I give my own money. That’s my choice.)

It’s not your son’s fault, it’s hers.
Don’t pay it.

She sounds like a cow but you need to pay and its only €3. Is she no longer his TA next year?

The TA may not have been as furious as you think. I used to live in Duesseldorf and used to get upset at random strangers losing their temper with me. Eventually, I realised that
Although they sounded furious to me, they were actually only a little irritated.

Going against the majority here, it’s the way she followed up that would make me cross. Fine, he lost it and that was a shame. But acting like it’s a term’s school fees is ridiculous.

Yes yabu you still owed thE money, whether it came from his pocket money or your purse. He didn’t pay it even though he tried and he should have put it in his school bag to give back to you not his pocket.

At first I thought YWBU but actually I can see it's the tip of the iceberg and the fact your DS is dyslexic and struggling with school, she could have been kinder or more accommodating. You sound so frazzled with it all and no wonder

I agree with a PP to cut out the TA as much as possible. Go above her head about any organisational help and support school can provide whilst he is in their care. They need to accept he isn't being naughty, he has dyslexia. You're obviously supporting him enormously at home.

Also, if there are any dyslexia associations or organisations in your area, contact them and ask for any schools resources they have. There are fab dyslexia associations in the UK. It might even be worth checking their websites for resources and ideas. Then arrange a meeting with the school and his new teacher, armed with facts and research and suggestions; and see what they bring to the table.

Your poor boy. Thank goodness it's nearly the summer holidays. I'm so sad that the TA put a dampener on what should have been a fun day.

I wouldn't worry too much about the 3 Euros. What are they going to do? Sue you? I would talk to your son about the missing money. If he's having a tough time at school, just make sure he really lost it and someone else didn't take it off him.

“Presumably the other kids managed. Dyslexia or not, it’s not particularly unreasonable as far as assumptions go.”

Or…

“Presumably the other kids (who do not have a learning disability) managed….”

Also…

“Presumably the other kids (who weren’t sat in a wheelchair) ran in the 3 legged race.”

“Presumably the other kids (who do not have a vision impairment) read the subtitles out loud to the rest of the class.”

“Presumably the other kids (who do not have any cognitive disabilities) managed.”

You clearly do not have the first clue about children with recognised disabilities trying their best to cope in mainstream schools.

Please promise me you’re not involved in education in any shape or form?
Thank you. 🙏

I agree with you, OP teacher sounds like a miserable cow.

Not the point of this thread, but having gone to school in Germany (many moons ago) I envy you, as it's a much much better education system than in England and I fondly remember my school days when comparing them to my daughter's schools in England. I'm sure it will get better for your son, but don't pick fights with his teachers- it only makes them meaner towards your son 😢

She didn't cause him to lose the money, kids lose things. Lessons learnt, just pay the money and stop making something out of nothing

The TA should overlook the money because it was her poor organisational skills that were the issue.

Did she even acknowledge her part in it? I’d be pissed off if I was you too OP

You mention living in Germany.
Is this permanent?
You haven't said how long you've been there but I'm wondering how well you are doing at fitting into the culture?
I remember when I first came to this country. I had difficulties until I learned the culture. Other friends who came here and had DC experienced the same thing. My attempts at solving things with what worked in my home country, where met with a brick wall.
Just something to consider.

misses the point of the thread

but your mum is my hero! Fucking genuis! Please pass along how in awe I am of what she did! 😂😂🙏

This is not about the money surely?

Anyway just pay in - loosing the money is not an excuse (especially in Germany!)