AIBU to start tough love with DC5 re food

[Twocrabs20]

So, I have a DC, 5 years old.

On advice from various professionals, I did baby led weaning, I have offered healthy food at meals, and while they eat some food:

• many types of fruit


• some protein such as eggs, pork sausage and bolognaise sauce - they won’t however eat fish or any seafood products or chicken; and


• a range of carbs.

They simply won’t eat any vegetables and are extremely fussy, which is starting to impact the eating habits of their younger sibling - who does enjoy a wide range of foods.

I feel like I have reached a point of something has to change; and NOW, that this habit / power game of refusing perfectly pleasant child friendly meals has got to stop. My DC is overweight for their age (not massively, but enough), and they can’t be getting the nutrients they need to be their best self. And I feel like I’m failing DC.

None of the suggestions by the various dieticians / nurses / paediatric consultants as to how to get them into eating vegetables has worked. I have tried every suggestion under the sun, including: I have grown stacks of vegetables they will pick but won’t eat; DC will cook vegetables with me and not eat the vegetables; and DC won’t ‘taste’ any of the vegetables even in small portions.

We have continued scenes of DC having tantrums that they don’t want any vegetables on their plate, even though I explain the vegetable has to remain on their plate, even if they don’t eat it. But I encourage DC to taste it, but not to take it off.

AIBU to now start some ‘tough love’ in now forcing DC to eat some vegetables or some part of our family meals which is beyond carbs and pork / bolognaise.

I dread doing this, and I don’t even know how to do tough love with eating - save for perhaps having a stand off with DC that you can’t leave the table unless you eat / taste said vegetable or re-serving any uneaten meal at the next meal, so they can’t wait for something better to come along. However my sense is the whole ‘they’ll come round to eating vegetables eventually’ simply isn’t going to happen; unless I take some significant action now.

My DC is increasingly becoming more overweight, and I think their poor diet will have impacts with their socialisation at school, ability to learn, and be the best version of themselves.

If anyone has got to the point of ‘tough love’ re food, what did you do, and were you successful in changing your child’s habit?

My DS is 33 and has never eaten any vegetable besides potatoes, all his life. Never . He is "his best self" , always healthy, never has been to the doctor besides accidental injury. May I suggest stopping all this "tough love" and treat him like a visitor who happens not to like certain foods. You wouldn't force a visitor to eat something - don't force your DS.

@Marvellousmadness but we don't live in your country and if have a child with eating issues or afiad etc don't tell me its just a mum issue
Other countries have less autism etc , doesn't mean it doesn't exsist though

@Lightsoutlondon but that may work for some kids and not others
My ds would go days without eating if we tried the eat it or go without or don't eat it and don't get xyz he would say ok

Hasn't it been proved that forcing children to eat what they don't want can cause problems later?

I was a child in the late 40s/50s. We had rationing until '54 so not much choice. I was a fussy eater but was never made to eat anything at home, unlike my new teacher who insisted we all drank the small bottles of milk which had sat in the sun all morning. I declined, she insisted, I vomitted all over her feet and still don't drink milk 70 years later.

I'm still a fussy eater - there are a mass of things I don't eat. It's not a crime.

Hasn't it been proved that forcing children to eat what they don't want can cause problems later? yes categorically proven, but doesn't stop people who were controlled being controlling themselves. Forcing children to eat things they don't want is a sign the adult needs help.

^starrynight21 · 18/06/2022 01:42
My DS is 33 and has never eaten any vegetable besides potatoes, all his life. Never . He is "his best self" , always healthy, never has been to the doctor besides accidental injury. May I suggest stopping all this "tough love" and treat him like a visitor who happens not to like certain foods. You wouldn't force a visitor to eat something - don't force your DS.^

Yes this is a good idea. It will help you stop the unnecessary stressing. At 2, DS stopped all veg except carrots, occasional potatoes, and tinned tomatoes in bolognese sauce, though he did enjoy fruit. He did not have multivitamins but as far as I am aware he is ‘his best self’. He only started eats green stuff again in his 20s. He was also very slim, so your DS’s weight is more to do with whatever else he eats than lack of vegetables.

The only veg DS’s cousin would eat was potatoes and baked beans. I even had to leave the onion out of mince when she came to stay. Again a fairly slim child.

Do not do tough love. Make a meal, and if they leave the vegetables, don't give anything else. They will soon become hungry and will be open to trying it.

Are vegetables really that filling? Eating the rest of the dinner without the vegetables wouldn’t make much difference as far as hunger is concerned.

I had a very limited diet as a kid, and issues with textures and smells. I existed basically on potatoes in most forms, spaghetti, some bread, white meats, ham gravy/stew type meals and ketchup. My palate widened when I was in charge of the food I ate myself and I could prep and cook the food I wanted to eat myself.

Now I eat most things and the things I can't eat are the things I was forced to eat as a kid, you can't get over food that you have had to gag or have anxiety about on because you associate it with being made you eat it when you couldn't stand the sight/smell/texture/taste. it also doesn't make you enjoy being around the person who made you sick and anxious.

Honestly, the biggest thing that will affect your child's socialisation/being their best self is poor self esteem, which is something that can come about when someone is hyper focussed on your weight and appearance at a young age.