AIBU to start tough love with DC5 re food

[Twocrabs20]

So, I have a DC, 5 years old.

On advice from various professionals, I did baby led weaning, I have offered healthy food at meals, and while they eat some food:

• many types of fruit


• some protein such as eggs, pork sausage and bolognaise sauce - they won’t however eat fish or any seafood products or chicken; and


• a range of carbs.

They simply won’t eat any vegetables and are extremely fussy, which is starting to impact the eating habits of their younger sibling - who does enjoy a wide range of foods.

I feel like I have reached a point of something has to change; and NOW, that this habit / power game of refusing perfectly pleasant child friendly meals has got to stop. My DC is overweight for their age (not massively, but enough), and they can’t be getting the nutrients they need to be their best self. And I feel like I’m failing DC.

None of the suggestions by the various dieticians / nurses / paediatric consultants as to how to get them into eating vegetables has worked. I have tried every suggestion under the sun, including: I have grown stacks of vegetables they will pick but won’t eat; DC will cook vegetables with me and not eat the vegetables; and DC won’t ‘taste’ any of the vegetables even in small portions.

We have continued scenes of DC having tantrums that they don’t want any vegetables on their plate, even though I explain the vegetable has to remain on their plate, even if they don’t eat it. But I encourage DC to taste it, but not to take it off.

AIBU to now start some ‘tough love’ in now forcing DC to eat some vegetables or some part of our family meals which is beyond carbs and pork / bolognaise.

I dread doing this, and I don’t even know how to do tough love with eating - save for perhaps having a stand off with DC that you can’t leave the table unless you eat / taste said vegetable or re-serving any uneaten meal at the next meal, so they can’t wait for something better to come along. However my sense is the whole ‘they’ll come round to eating vegetables eventually’ simply isn’t going to happen; unless I take some significant action now.

My DC is increasingly becoming more overweight, and I think their poor diet will have impacts with their socialisation at school, ability to learn, and be the best version of themselves.

If anyone has got to the point of ‘tough love’ re food, what did you do, and were you successful in changing your child’s habit?

Tough love will cause lifelong food issues.

Focus on the healthy things he will eat

Similar situation here. I have two sons and the oldest was baby led weaned and is super fussy. I have had some success recently with a Ninja soup maker to make sauce eg. for bolognaise. I am sure it is not recommended but beetroot in brownies is also a hit and recently he will have a tiny amount of broccoli with a Sunday dinner. He is already seven and is a healthy weight eating lots of fruit including cucumber, tomato etc. I hope some of these things might work for you. The little one eats his veggies so I keep dishing them up and hope that one day, the big one will tuck in too!

I was one of these kids who didn't like vegetables. My mum / Nan / everyone tried every trick in the book. You're not playing until you clear your plate. You're not having anything else until you eat your vegetables. They would reserve it. Eat your vegetables and starve.

It didn't go well. At 29 I still won't touch any vegetables, I just don't like them and there's nothing anyone can do about it. I just ended up dreading mealtimes.

I'm wondering if your child has discovered this is a way to get your attention.

I don't think tough love will ever work with eating. I subscribe to the theory (can't remember whose it is) that you decide what and when and they decide whether and how much. You can't force them to eat and making it a battle is just going to lead to more entrenched issues. Your DC eat a range of fruit which is great and hopefully veg will come in time. Maybe a fruit platter for snack with some veg crudite on the side? Doesn't matter if it's not eaten, it is getting them used to the sight and smell and showing it is a "normal" food.

I think 5 was fairly peak pickiness for my DS. He ate a similar range as your DC but not as much fruit (just apples and melon really, sometimes others but not often) and a very few veg (sometimes broccoli, carrot, cucumber). He now eats all sorts - lots of veg, meat, even sushi. He just had to come to it in his own time, with a little gentle encouragement and good modelling from those around him and for food not to become a control issue. It's exhausting and worrying and frustrating when good food is wasted though so I do totally sympathise!

This. I remember my mum doing it with a chicken rissole. It kept coming back at every meal for 2.5 days. It went mouldy in the end. That was over 60 years ago.

Not eating veg won’t kill him if he eats fruit.

Find the Eat Well for Less (BBC iplayer). They had a very young looking grandma with 2 children. They made tomato sauces with broccoli which the boy hated (he ate it) and got him to eat other things.

Certain things though - I used to hate chicken (once I knew they used to be alive) and would only eat cucumber spread with butter! I've also detested prawns and because DM hated it, seafood. I now love scallops and crabs claws in batter.

Trial and error but don't force him to eat things he really doesn't like.

I am a fussy eater and always have been. I still don't eat any fruit or veg at all, I take multi vitamin tablets. Before anyone gets on at me I have tried but I physically can NOT eat them, I gag and heave and have actually been physically sick before now trying to eat them.
With my kids I was determined the weren't going to be like me. I did a mild form of tough love. I never forced them to eat everything on their plate, but always put some veg on their plate with their food, if they wouldn't eat it I would say, for example eat 2 carrot sticks and then you can have X (something they really like) or separate a few peas, broccoli, green beans etc and say if you eat those few you can have desert. If they didn't eat it I would stick to my guns and they wouldn't get desert. Once that started working I introduced new things and would ask that they just try a few mouthfuls, if they then say they genuinely don't like it I praise them for trying, if they do like it I ask them to have a few more mouthfuls before desert.

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m00183rp/eat-well-for-less-series-8-episode-3

Wow, tough love on a 5 year old's eating habits? How many days are you prepared to let him/her go without food?

I think advice is to do opposite and back off. So serve things family style inc 1 thing they eat encourage you try a bit of each and chat about day not food. If uneaten don’t get cross or try and persuade just tidy up. No snacks or offering toast instead etc. watch he’s not filling up or having lots of calories in drinks. Maybe try no snacks and see if that helps. Don’t buy junk if you’ve not got crisps and biscuits he can’t have them. Would he help cook - might encourage him to try things. If he likes plain eg chicken no sauce or raw veg stuff serve that.

Go ahead and try it... if you want to give them food issues.

I have two things that if i try to eat I will probably vomit-they're both things my parents thought were non-negotiable to eat.
I'd love to be able to eat them. Unfortunately I can't.
Other things I didn't like as a child and was not forced to eat, I enjoy eating now.

Child overweight and not eating any veg

Serve less food overall , especially less of the carbs / protein that the child is eating but have plenty of veg around if they are hungry ?

I wouldn’t stress. Just give them
less food overall to stabilise weight. The rest will sort itself out.

Just offer a good variety of tasty food every meal. Take it away if not eaten. Rinse and repeat. They'll soon learn to eat what's put in front of them. Stop offering alternatives.

Not that it makes any difference, but why are you being so coy over whether you are talking about your son or your daughter? All this "my DC" and constructing sentences to avoid revealing the sex is... weird.

Anyway - don't force him/her. If she/he is overweight, it's because they are eating too many of the wrong things, substituting proper meals for sugar or carbs.

Hi OP, have you looked up ARFID? Might be worth looking into. Look at SR Nutrition - she has some very good advice. Can you add more veg grated into the bolognese? Also hold firm on meals as in, this is all there is at this meal, you can leave it if you don't like it but no alternatives. Next meal is whatever you are having and then continue on.

You sound just like my parents, I wouldn't eat veg as a kid (and some other things) I wasn't a fussy eater though, everyone has some food they don't like, but I was forced to eat it every day and wasn't allowed to leave the table until it was all gone, all they succeeded in doing was give me an unhealthy relationship with food and a lifetime battle with my weight, but yeah, you go ahead if you think that'll help🙄

Honestly? I’d do nothing. Most kids go through a fussy stage at some point - mine certainly did. If you make a big thing of it, you’re in danger of creating issues and stresses around eating.

Telling a child they “must” eat certain foods or amounts of foods is basically forcing them to eat.

If your child only ate chips and green Smarties, I might be inclined to agree that you need to do something but it sounds like they have a decent variety among the foods they DO eat.

I know this probably goes against everything you feel you should be doing but just be really casual, don’t comment on it and I bet you eventually they will start trying new things.

I have a fussy child. I've read books on it and talked to various health professionals and all the advice is not to make a big deal of it.

If they dont want it on their plate I wouldn't put it on their plate

Dont link rewards to food eg eating veg will get you a pudding.

It's hard and I've broken my rules before but its never worked. The only thing that works sometimes for us is us all snacking on something before a meal from a shared plate and they will try some too. Seeing friends help themselves to things from a central serving plate works better than putting it on their plate.

My child is genuinely scared of trying new food and if I push it they just associates the new food with fear

I'm really hoping they grow out of it. I know someone who ate only white bread, plain pasta with butter and grapes til they were 15 and now they are strong and healthy and work in finance

In the mean time if you are worried about nutrition could you make smoothies where you blend a bit of veg in with the fruit? Or blend more veg into spaghetti bolognese (so make a tomato sauce but blend in carrots and other veg like peppers and courgettes and sweet potato) as there is nothing to spot or pick out

Do you think you have unrealistic expectations? I have 3 DC eldest is 7 and none of them or their friends would eat seafood, they don't love vegetables, they wouldnt eat noodles with veg, they also wouldn't eat much from those packed lunches that you uploaded.
My DC have all gone through phases of being fussy. I keep things plain and simple when they're in a phase of being fussy. Fruit that I know they like, offer them new food but don't force it. I use what i know they like, they love roast dinners so I will make a quick roast a few nights a week most weeks. I blend my bolognaise sauce before I add the meat, could you try the same? This means I can add any veg and the DC don't know because the sauce looks the same every time. My DC eat a lot more veg than they realise. If I limit treat foods I find that after a couple of days they will eat more fruit as snacks too. Try not to stress. I didnt eat any vegetables at all as a child and I love them now.

If they are used to lots of sweet foods and carbs their palate will need to adjust. Just keep going. I’d try with sweeter veg first eg carrot.
If they eat sausages would they eat chicken sausages then try and transition to actual chicken.
You can add grated carrots or courgette to porridge too.

Give up the battle it’s obvious it’s making the family unhappy at mealtimes !
I remember my parents doing the tough love at mealtimes and I ended up with an eating disorder !!
while my own children were fussy like most children are ! I would use reverse psychology on them example :
everyone had broccoli on there plates not including Dd she hated it but she then felt left out and asked her dad if she cud have his tree lol 😂 she gobbled it up and then she had some on her plate the next time !
It’s simple and no pressure and meal times will be stress free x

Do you all eat together? I found quite a few of my English friends fed their children at a separate sitting and ate after their dc had gone to bed.

If it’s a sensory thing then they may or may not grow out of it, knew a woman whose DS ate really limited food and no veg. He was under a paediatrician, she sort of hinted at what his diagnosis was but sort of pretended it wasn’t happening.

Please don't unless you want a child who grows up into an adult with issues about food. Our DDs didn't each much fruit and veg at that age but have gradually done so as they got older. We went for the approach that you have to have one bit on your plate and try it - often really tiny amounts though - one round slice of carrot, one pea, one quarter of a green bean etc. If they ate that and didn't like it, they didn't have to have any more.