to think DH should've taken today off work?

[WhoPutTheScrewInTheTuna]

I'm ill and was in hospital Saturday-Wednesday. DS, almost 3, is also ill (something completely unrelated) and wasn't able to go to nursery on Wednesday or Thursday. DH and I both work full-time and usually DH is very involved as a parent (does his fair share of sick days, does nursery drop-off and pick-up because I don't drive to work, does bedtime/bathroom/meals etc - no problems there at all).

I have a job "interview" for my dream job next week. When I say "interview", it's actually a ten-day work experience with the employer (including a trip to an overseas office) and then a formal interview. This is very common in the industry. It's a very intense process, very competitive and requires a lot of preparation.

This weekend, DH has arranged for FIL/MIL/SIL/BIL to come and visit - we get on well, no issues there. However, despite being lovely, they're very house proud and I do feel that I'd be judged if the house isn't spotless - especially by MIL who is a spotless person. She'd never say anything or make any rude comments at all - but I know she'd think it and she has an expressive face. DH promised me that he would ensure the house is up to standard - I'm too unwell to tidy, I can't bend down without being sick and being in a lot of pain and keep fainting. The weather isn't helping.

DH took Wednesday off work because DS was too ill to go to nursery and I was in hospital. Yesterday, I was off work anyway because I'm ill so I had DS. DH promised again, throughout the week but on Wednesday and Thursday too, that he would make sure the house is up to standard. At about 4pm yesterday, I started trying to tidy because I could see it wasn't going to happen - in three hours, I managed to do a load of laundry, most of DS's bedroom and put another load of laundry away. DH promised, again, he'd get the house sorted (there's no time!!) so, after DS eventually got to sleep (he's usually a good sleeper but it was very hot for him last night) DH made dinner. He then got phone calls from FIL and then from SIL to firm up plans for the weekend. By the time those calls ended, it was 10pm. I said I was going to bed, because I was in so much pain, and hoped DH would stay up and do some tidying - but he didn't.

This morning, DS is still too unwell to go to nursery and I'm still off work sick. FIL/MIL/SIL/BIL are due to arrive an hour after DH is due back from work and the house is an absolute war zone. On top of the mess, we haven't done a shop to buy food yet either. I got out of bed at 6.45 and spent the first half an hour of my day throwing up non-stop. I asked DH to stay home today and he's said no. His boss is already annoyed with him because he's handed in his notice and he does't want to make it worse (but, I'm thinking, you're leaving anyway, why do you care if your boss likes you?). I explained that he promised that the house would be sorted and he's basically now changed that to "he'll do as much as he can in the time he has" - which means the house will not be ok.

So, I have an important work opportunity starting on Monday that I'm completely unprepared for, a messy as hell house with the in-laws coming, I'm too ill to tidy and I'm with an ill toddler too (who I cannot lift up at all). Should DH have stayed home today even though I'm already at home or AIBU because I'm already wallowing from being ill and grumpy?

Just cancel, you have got a voice you do not need DH to do it

YABVU and ridiculous. You are ill as is DS. Unless your visitors are the type who will muck in and take over so you can rest, you need to cancel them. Even if you are not contagious. And your husband should be home looking after DS so you can rest.

Whatever the answer is, it's not taking the day off work to get the tidying done. That's bonkers. So what if MIL judges? What's the worst that could actually happen? Is she going to divorce you on behalf of her family? Maybe when they see the (completely understandable) chaos and hear about the hospital stay they'll offer to help out!

Give each of the ILS a task, and get them to bring food. I’m sure they’ll be delighted to bring your house up to their standards.

Just don't do it. If the house isn't pristine a) it doesn't matter, and b) anyone who thinks it does, well, their opinion doesn't matter.

Do I understand the following correctly?

1. You are about 28 weeks pregnant


2. You were so ill last week that you had to be hospitalised.


3. You are working full time


4. You are about to go on a 10 day, intense assessment for a new job


5. The assessment requires overseas travel


6. Your older child has a chronic condition that needs care including injections when it flares up


7. You have just finished renovating your house, but are about to move

How do you get 10 days off from your current job to do the “interview” for the new one?
Will you even be fit to fly?
Can you not defer the job application to the next yearly cycle?
Are you not worried about your baby?
Could you not ask PIL for help?

Go to bed, with your study material for next week and let them all look after you and poorly son. Sorted.

Leave the house untidy and when the IL's arrive just say you thought they were coming to help as you had been so unwell. You shouldn't make yourself worse just because of their opinion!

Your in laws need to come and look after you and support you. End of.
they’re family! You’re ill. You need help. They need to give you help. That’s what families do. And if it’s not that type of family then cancel the visit because you’re too ill.

You're actually both causing all of this stress yourselves, too.

A) because you care way too much about the opinion of people who do not live with you, pay your bills, or care about the fact you and DS are very sick. They don't care about that, so you definitely shouldn't care about their opinion. I mean, what's MIL going to do? Report you to Home&Country magazine!? Bitch about you at a coffee morning? Big deal. Give her something to moan about, or offer her to clean up if it bothers her so much.

B) Your husband is a wet wipe. Typical bloke, scared of his boss. Tell him when he gets home he must explain to -HIS- family that you have all been top sick and busy to work on your home and if they don't like it they can go stay at a hotel where they will need to pay for their food and lodge, or they can do the cleaning and cooking.

C) Go book yourself into a hotel and stop putting yourself last. You need a break. I hope you have a hot and sordid business trip. You deserve it.

I think you should have mentioned that you are pregnant in your OP. It makes a difference imo.

I realise I'm miles too late but in your shoes I would; contact a firm of cleaners for a one off clean and hand bill to DH. Do online shop to be delivered when DH home and stay in bed with sick toddler. Hand toddler to in-laws on their arrival, go back to bed, prepare for interview. Job done.

You should prioritise your health first and foremost - it's utter madness you only just coming out of hospital, still ill, and thinking you'll be able to perform well in a new job opportunity.

What happens if you have a relapse when you're away on the work thing? You'd be jeopardising not only your health, inconvenience to your employers, plus being unable to look after your son. Your DH should definitely be stepping up to the plate and taking away the care from you until you've recovered. I'd pull out of the work thing, no matter how important you think it is, there is nothing more important than your health.

and quite frankly, bugger the housework, who cares!

Someone needs their brains tested to contemplate doing all that!!!

@WhoPutTheScrewInTheTuna

Can I just say, you are the superwoman here, never mind your MIL. Wow! Good luck with the job x

YABU for being a martyr and not taking proper care of yourself by ideally cancelling or at the very least leaving the cleaning.

Go to bed and let them all cope. You are ill and need rest and all the strength you can muster for your new job. Hard luck for the visitors they must have known you were in hospital and not 100% fit. I hope you are being well looked after by them and they are cleaning the house from top to bottom for you and your partner.

You're quite frankly bonkers if you think "Superwoman" is about nearly killing yourself overburdening yourself with massive amounts of self-inflicted pressure and unrealistic activities, almost to breaking point!

Being Superwoman is about making intelligent decisions about priorities not least of all putting one's own health and self-care at the top of the list.

Well, personally I'd have no qualms whatsoever about cancelling the inlaws, none whatsoever! If you really can't do that, take to your bed, and stay there for the whole visit. They'll understand why the house is in a mess - you've been out of action. With a little luck they'll clean it all up for you AND bring you your meals in bed. Double whammy!! ;-) You can have a jolly good rest before your meetings. Enjoy, and good luck with the interviews!

100% agree, cancel the night. If they are so bloody judgemental I don’t know if I’d want them in my house anyway. If your husband insists on it going ahead then he has a busy time ahead, cleaning , shopping and cooking while your upstairs in your bed recovering and using the opportunity to prepare for up-coming interview.. Sure your in-laws will be well aware you have been hospitalised recently and also have a sick child in the house. In fact they should do the decent thing and cancel !

Coming from a long way? So, New Zealand? No, I didn’t think so. You’re being unreasonable and ridiculous to have them come visit when you’re too sick to even function. If you’re vomiting all the time what are they going to do? Don’t you think it will be very uncomfortable for them? There’s no law that says you have to go ahead with having visitors to stay just because it’s been arranged and because they are “coming from a long way”.

You should have canceled them on Thursday or Friday. Many of us live very far from
our family and in laws and don’t see them often. My mother is a 10-hour plane ride away on another continent. My in-laws are over 2000 miles away (but at least they are still in the same country) and it can be years between visits. We’ve lived to tell the tale. I wouldn’t embarrass them by having them come to visit and then they find us vomiting all the time. And you certainly shouldn’t expect your husband to take a day off work to
clean the house, however much you dress it up as caring for his child.

And if you’re 28 weeks pregnant and about to go on a 10-day assessment for a new job, after which the new employer will
maje the hiring decision, they will be making the decision when you are 30
werks. What’s your notice period on your current job? Won’t you be effectively deferring for a year anyway? Why the need to do the assessment now? Can’t you ask for your place to be postponed for a year?

I am keen to know what sort of job has a recruitment process that includes 10 days work experience and a trip abroad for all candidates.

😂😂 I was thinking this too.

I'm interested to know too . It's a tall order expecting people to take 10 days A/L for a job they might not get.