to think DH should've taken today off work?

[WhoPutTheScrewInTheTuna]

I'm ill and was in hospital Saturday-Wednesday. DS, almost 3, is also ill (something completely unrelated) and wasn't able to go to nursery on Wednesday or Thursday. DH and I both work full-time and usually DH is very involved as a parent (does his fair share of sick days, does nursery drop-off and pick-up because I don't drive to work, does bedtime/bathroom/meals etc - no problems there at all).

I have a job "interview" for my dream job next week. When I say "interview", it's actually a ten-day work experience with the employer (including a trip to an overseas office) and then a formal interview. This is very common in the industry. It's a very intense process, very competitive and requires a lot of preparation.

This weekend, DH has arranged for FIL/MIL/SIL/BIL to come and visit - we get on well, no issues there. However, despite being lovely, they're very house proud and I do feel that I'd be judged if the house isn't spotless - especially by MIL who is a spotless person. She'd never say anything or make any rude comments at all - but I know she'd think it and she has an expressive face. DH promised me that he would ensure the house is up to standard - I'm too unwell to tidy, I can't bend down without being sick and being in a lot of pain and keep fainting. The weather isn't helping.

DH took Wednesday off work because DS was too ill to go to nursery and I was in hospital. Yesterday, I was off work anyway because I'm ill so I had DS. DH promised again, throughout the week but on Wednesday and Thursday too, that he would make sure the house is up to standard. At about 4pm yesterday, I started trying to tidy because I could see it wasn't going to happen - in three hours, I managed to do a load of laundry, most of DS's bedroom and put another load of laundry away. DH promised, again, he'd get the house sorted (there's no time!!) so, after DS eventually got to sleep (he's usually a good sleeper but it was very hot for him last night) DH made dinner. He then got phone calls from FIL and then from SIL to firm up plans for the weekend. By the time those calls ended, it was 10pm. I said I was going to bed, because I was in so much pain, and hoped DH would stay up and do some tidying - but he didn't.

This morning, DS is still too unwell to go to nursery and I'm still off work sick. FIL/MIL/SIL/BIL are due to arrive an hour after DH is due back from work and the house is an absolute war zone. On top of the mess, we haven't done a shop to buy food yet either. I got out of bed at 6.45 and spent the first half an hour of my day throwing up non-stop. I asked DH to stay home today and he's said no. His boss is already annoyed with him because he's handed in his notice and he does't want to make it worse (but, I'm thinking, you're leaving anyway, why do you care if your boss likes you?). I explained that he promised that the house would be sorted and he's basically now changed that to "he'll do as much as he can in the time he has" - which means the house will not be ok.

So, I have an important work opportunity starting on Monday that I'm completely unprepared for, a messy as hell house with the in-laws coming, I'm too ill to tidy and I'm with an ill toddler too (who I cannot lift up at all). Should DH have stayed home today even though I'm already at home or AIBU because I'm already wallowing from being ill and grumpy?

Call in-laws yourself and postpone visit until tomorrow morning. DH can clean the house when he gets in from work .

1. You have been in hospital. That's not a little bit ill.thats seriously ill.

1. You have a massive 10 day job interview coming up.

1. Your in-laws are clearly not muck in and help people that you feel comfortable with.

1. Why on earth hasn't he cancelled them coming already?

1. If he really wants to see them then suggest that he takes child to visit them.for the weekend. Then you can rest and recover and prepare for the interview with no one in the house.

1. Of course he shouldn't take the day off. He should just cancel them coming

OP, despite your toddler being exited about seeing the in-laws, it's just not feasible right now.

Sure, it would be helpfull if your husband stayed home. But what you really need to do is cancel the in-laws, see if you can reschedule that interview and take a rest.

Give yourself and your child a chance to recover.

I wouldn’t expect DH to take a day off.

I’d suggest one of you text ILs to apologise in advance for the state of the house - saying nobody has been able to clean this week due to work and illness. If you’re lucky MIL may feel compelled to do the housework for you!

then I’d leave DH and DS to spend time with the ILs family hike you retire to bed to rest, and do your prep work up there.

Madness! Cancel the in-laws ffs, last thing you need when ill.
I’m with your DH in that he can’t just take days off willy nilly to tidy your house, so yabu about that, but he needs to just cancel their visit.

Are you really going to be go on a 10 day ‘work experience’ on Monday if you feel this shit?

I’d leave DH and the in laws to it and stay in bed being ill and preparing for my interview.
if MIL was that lovely she’d pitch in and help clean the house while you’re sick.
no DH shouldn’t have taken the day off work

Your in laws sound awful to be fair. Mine would have appeared to take the kids away and let me have a rest.

Call in-laws yourself and ...
No, no, no. DH has created this situation, let him deal with the fallout.
Take to your bed and stay there.

What @Newforumnewname said.

He's got this evening and tomorrow morning to tidy, how bad can your house be of it's newly renovated? Also really you shouldn't have left your interview prep until the week before when it's a ten day work placement, so quite a big deal, especially when you knew the in laws were visiting the two days before you go.
He's already taken time off to care for DC, and will have him solo for ten days whilst working I assume. Today you're at home you don't have to run activities, read some stories, put a film on, run a cool bath and let him have loads of bubbles and bath toys.
I do also agree you make exhausting choices, house renovation barely complete then move again, a toddler and a pregnancy on top, plus a ten day work interview abroad. I make similar choices and at points seen to be perpetually dashing about but don't then moan about it.

I defo think you shouldn't be too hard on him. He's had to deal with a lot this week and the state of the house should be the last thing on your mind tbh. Ignore what the in laws think you've got more important things going on and she should be more understanding. DH must be stressed to the hilt having to deal with you being sick and the toddler and fitting in work and taking sick days and now you're on his back about the house. Taking a sick day off to tidy the house is ridiculous tho sorry

This sums it up.
I didn't get past the ill enough to be in hospital for several days.
You are in pain, fainting, vomiting and did I see pregnant as well?
Cancel the visitors, cancel the interview - you won't do yourself justice anyway.
Get your priorities right, a messy house doesn't matter, get well.

I think your thinking is bizarre....if you're ill why do you care so much about house, stay in bed and let your DH deal with his family!

However, despite being lovely, they're very house proud and I do feel that I'd be judged if the house isn't spotless - especially by MIL who is a spotless person. She'd never say anything or make any rude comments at all - but I know she'd think it and she has an expressive face

You feel you'd be judged that is your issue, are your in-laws coming to visit your family or the house? Let your husband do what he feels needs to be done and just forget about the rest, honestly stop stressing about it, you're ill a slightly messy house is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

You are applying standards to yourself and the house that you don't even know are warranted, just because your MIL is house proud in her own house doesn't mean she expects you to be in yours, I'm sure she is adult enough to know that different people and circumstances mean different standards.

Keep repeating to yourself - they are here to see us and be with us, not the house.

Well I don't see how she can judge you - you've been I'll and in hospital. Tbh it doesn't sound like either of you are well enough to have guests...

Surely il's realise the house is messy because you're ill and their ds hasn't picked up the slack.
If they're judging anyone it should be their ds and themselves because they raised him.

I wouldn't have a lot of time for someone who judged me and my house when (a) I've been in hospital and (b) I have a partner who can (get this) also do housework.

If anyone comments, reply words to the effect of, yes, it's such a shame that DH didn't do a better job.

Having read @Newforumnewname's post I'm thinking it is not MIL who is judgmental but you @WhoPutTheScrewInTheTuna, it feels as if you would judge someone else in circumstances similar to yours and are projecting that onto MIL.

@Newforumnewname

im totally the opposite of OP as I like to keep life as calm and low key as possible, I avoid being too busy.

but, I can totally see how this has all happened at the same time!

makes total sense to me that somebody would finish renovating them move…. Loads of people move up the property ladder by doing places up to make profit then move on.

and it’s very common for people to move as their family grows to accommodate their needs.

OP has already said that the ILs visit has been planned for ages so presumably she didn’t anticipate being very unwell at the time.

as for the work thing, if it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity as OP says then it could be hugely regretful not to do it. She shouldn’t have to miss out on a massive opportunity because she’s ill or pregnant. And DH may be moving to a bigger or better job which could also be a huge opportunity for a growing family.

yes, it’s really busy and not something I’d choose. But I really don’t get all the WHY in your post - there are loads of reasons why! It’s all pretty reasonable!

Cancel the inlaws.

you have one sounds like an amazing opportunity which you’re already disadvantaged for because you’re unwell.

You need to put all your efforts into recovery and that means not doing anything over the weekend.

I’m really intrigued as to the OP’s industry in which this sort of interview process is the norm

Just phone and tell in laws you and DS are in bed sick and you have to cancel their visit.

I'm guessing travel industry. They do this sort of thing although not usually in the holiday season

Just cancel the in-laws! FFS woman, life sounds impossible rn, if they actually liked you why would they want tou to be stressed and miserable???