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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Help me unfuck this! Child in hospital, long haul trip home tomorrow

357 replies

ElfinsMum · 16/06/2022 17:32

Posting for traffic:

We are in Australia. First trip home in 2.5 years booked for tomorrow. 4 week trip timed with Aus winter school hols. SIL and her kids also flying into UK so we can all celebrate PILs' 50th.

Youngest DD (2) admitted to hospital today unexpectedly. She can't fly for at least a week, maybe 10 days. Docs won't know for sure for another couple of days depending how the treatment goes.

DS is utterly gutted and has been bawling his eyes out all evening and demanding that DH takes him tomorrow anyway. DD1 suffers some separation anxiety and called me earlier to say she would be too anxious to go without me and the baby.

What the hell do we do?

DH wants to head off tomorrow as planned with older DCs. He thinks it's fine to leave me in hospital with the toddler and then us come across later when she is allowed to fly. I think that's easy to say when you're not the one being left literally holding the baby in hospital!! Also, I couldn't leave my ill child like that, just couldn't. Bothers me that it turns out he could.

I want to reschedule all our flights to 10 days later to be certain and reorganise holiday, i.e. still 4 weeks but later. DH says that's impractical and that everything is now planned and booked around these dates. In particular we will miss his sister and family. He is angry at me that I am willing to sacrifice seeing his family.

We have also discussed a compromise option, where DH and older kids wait until we are out of hospital to go then we follow later.

What other options are there? How do we decide??

OP posts:
TooHotTooGreedy · 16/06/2022 18:10

I’m with DH too. Sorry.
I hope DD is discharged & feeling better soon

TheBolterdahling · 16/06/2022 18:10

Kindly, because it’s quite shit for you, YABU. But it’s his long awaited family get together and you should tell him to go with your blessing.

DixonD · 16/06/2022 18:10

I agree, if not seriously unwell that I think he should go and you follow later.

Is it the thought of the long flight alone with a toddler the real issue?

Butterfly44 · 16/06/2022 18:11

Sorry... I hope things go ok. I know it's stressful...but what your DH suggests is best. It's more practical. You've other children to consider also.

MRex · 16/06/2022 18:11

DH's plan is the best for everyone. Your older two will be fine with dad and extended family and you can do video calls for them. The toddler gets more of your undivided attention, which will really help on the plane. And it's only 10 days, which will fly past.

I'm not really sure what it is you're upset about because you say the toddler is fine. If it was a serious illness then fair enough he'd want to be there, but why does it matter so much if it isn't serious?

BonnesVacances · 16/06/2022 18:11

DH wants to head off tomorrow as planned with older DCs. He thinks it's fine to leave me in hospital with the toddler and then us come across later when she is allowed to fly. I think that's easy to say when you're not the one being left literally holding the baby in hospital!! Also, I couldn't leave my ill child like that, just couldn't. Bothers me that it turns out he could.

Your DH isn't leaving an ill child in hospital. He's thinking of the other DC too. If I'm understanding right, you have 3 DC. One in hospital, one who's crying because they want to go, and one who doesn't want to go without you.

I agree his plan is the best one.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 16/06/2022 18:12

It's rubbish timing but I also agree with your DH.

There's nothing to be gained by you all staying home IMO. Let him go and you and DD2 can fly out when she's been cleared by the doctors.

CHiSOCG · 16/06/2022 18:12

His plan!!!! You said DD2 isn’t seriously ill. And he’ll miss HIS sister. Tbh I think you’re being massively unreasonable

JetBlackSteed · 16/06/2022 18:12

I'm with your DH too.
hope your DD gets well soon.

TooHotTooGreedy · 16/06/2022 18:12

He is angry at me that I am willing to sacrifice seeing his family. because of course it is your fault that the baby has ended up in hospital isn't it... what does he want you to do leave the baby there alone?

no @LittleOwl153 he’s angry that op doesn’t want him to go with the older DC as planned

Wickywickyyow · 16/06/2022 18:13

Weird that you leave out the critical information about whats actually wrong with your dd. That would influence everyone's decisions about what they would do.

MRex · 16/06/2022 18:14

TheBolterdahling · 16/06/2022 18:10

Kindly, because it’s quite shit for you, YABU. But it’s his long awaited family get together and you should tell him to go with your blessing.

Sorry, why is it shit for OP? She will have 10 days with one child. It's the DH who will be juggling 2 kids plus luggage on the flight including one who will be super clingy without mum.

MollyRover · 16/06/2022 18:14

Do you have travel or cancellation insurance?

Staffy1 · 16/06/2022 18:15

His idea to go with the older children as originally planned seems quite reasonable.

bluebirdsong · 16/06/2022 18:15

DH is right, he should go tomorrow.

PinaColadaSunset · 16/06/2022 18:16

I’d go with your DH’s suggestion too.

MaggieFS · 16/06/2022 18:18

If delaying the trip means you all miss the PIL's 50th then DH should should go with older DC as planned.

A lot depends on insurance/ability to cover costs of change.

Otherwise, and going against the grain, but if poss I would say all delay. 10 days out of four weeks still means huger overlap with SIL. DD1 doesn't have to worry about separation and you and DH share the load.

MzHz · 16/06/2022 18:19

Let h and ds go and follow on afterwards, it’s the best of both worlds and if you’re in hospital you will be constantly worrying that they need you at home, if they’re in the uk, you can focus on the little one.

PlanetNormal · 16/06/2022 18:19

Assuming the child is not seriously poorly, DH’s plan sounds workable, pragmatic & sensible. I would go with that, but I’m a pragmatic, sensible sort of person.

Holly60 · 16/06/2022 18:19

I agree with PP- let DH go tomorrow and you follow on.

MajesticElephant · 16/06/2022 18:20

I hope your DD gets better soon. I really can’t understand the other posters perspective who are saying he should go! If I was your DH I would rearrange the trip and your compromise seems like a good one. It’s part and parcel of having children; sometimes you have to prioritise them over other relatives, even your siblings or parents. A child in hospital takes precedent over everything, and you also need support during that time. As you are aware it’s 24:7 and unrelenting (not to mention the lack of sleep!) being the parent in the hospital. Last time I had to do it I didn’t get to wash for the best part of a week!

diddl · 16/06/2022 18:21

I think if the point of the trip is his Dad's 50th & also a catch up with his sister I can see why he wouldn't want to miss that, especially if it really is a case of the youngest having treatment & then being able to fly.

Could they delay at all without missing the 50th & his sister?

TidyDancer · 16/06/2022 18:23

Your DH is right, which I realise is not the answer you were hoping for. It's by far the most sensible plan given that your DD is not seriously ill and will be able to fly within a short time.

Jedsnewstar · 16/06/2022 18:24

I think you dh is the best solution. I wouldn’t want to take 2 kids on a flight alone so it’s not as if he is having an easy ride.

Mennex · 16/06/2022 18:24

Id go with DH suggestion and relish the chance to fly with one child instead of 3, honestly, but I appreciate it will be a tiring 10 days for you.

Is there any chance of her being fit to fly earlier than that if treatment goes well?

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