Help me unfuck this! Child in hospital, long haul trip home tomorrow

[ElfinsMum]

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We are in Australia. First trip home in 2.5 years booked for tomorrow. 4 week trip timed with Aus winter school hols. SIL and her kids also flying into UK so we can all celebrate PILs' 50th.

Youngest DD (2) admitted to hospital today unexpectedly. She can't fly for at least a week, maybe 10 days. Docs won't know for sure for another couple of days depending how the treatment goes.

DS is utterly gutted and has been bawling his eyes out all evening and demanding that DH takes him tomorrow anyway. DD1 suffers some separation anxiety and called me earlier to say she would be too anxious to go without me and the baby.

What the hell do we do?

DH wants to head off tomorrow as planned with older DCs. He thinks it's fine to leave me in hospital with the toddler and then us come across later when she is allowed to fly. I think that's easy to say when you're not the one being left literally holding the baby in hospital!! Also, I couldn't leave my ill child like that, just couldn't. Bothers me that it turns out he could.

I want to reschedule all our flights to 10 days later to be certain and reorganise holiday, i.e. still 4 weeks but later. DH says that's impractical and that everything is now planned and booked around these dates. In particular we will miss his sister and family. He is angry at me that I am willing to sacrifice seeing his family.

We have also discussed a compromise option, where DH and older kids wait until we are out of hospital to go then we follow later.

What other options are there? How do we decide??

DH and other DC go as planned. You and daughter in hospital follow when doctors allow, so the two of you cut your holiday short. Not fun for you but one of the things that comes with being a parent.

OP has stated she isn't seriously unwell

I agree with your DH and quite honestly boost your DD1 up and send her too.

I say let them go. I can’t imagine being all excited to see my sister and then not being able to.

I also have 3 and I'd definitely find it easier for DH to go ahead and take DS, especially how upset he is. I'm sure if DD was seriously ill or there was uncertainty he wouldn't even be suggesting it.

Hope everyone is better and united soon

Is the can't fly for 10 days to protect dd or the other passengers due to infection control.?

I'd let my husband go and see his family and take the older kids, you follow on when you can. If your child was seriously ill that'd be different but you say it isn't serious so there's no point ruining the little time he has with his family.

My toddler just had a hospital stay that was expected to be 7-10 days...it was 28 days before she was discharged.

My husband and I were on our knees by the end of it, as one of us had to be with her at all times. It was the most draining, fraught experience of our lives - it's not like you get any sleep at night in hospital either, with constant observations, medications, and the noise of the ward. If I'd had to endure that 24/7 without my husband's support I would have gone insane.

Of course your sick child takes precedence over everything else. Anyone who thinks your husband isn't being unreasonable clearly doesn't know how tough being in hospital with a toddler is!

Given your child is not seriously ill, then I think the logical solution is what your DH has proposed.

I also think it is incredibly unreasonable and unfair for you to say you think less of him because he wants to go. Very very unfair.

He is in an extremely difficult position, but knows this option makes the most sense. And wants to see his sister. That does not make him a bad person, and to insinuate that is very selfish of you.

Another one saying what your DH has proposed is the most practical solution and means that he gets to see his sister and your older DCs still get to go.
you don’t all need to stay home with the child in hospital if they’re not seriously ill.
he’s not being unkind or unloving - he’s got the practical solution

I’m with dh too sorry, this is his family he’s missing out on seeing. Unless dd is seriously ill then let them go. If it was me I don’t think I’d forgive you or forget it.

I would also go with DH suggestion.

OR

You go with the rest of the kids and your DH follows with your (currently hospitalised) DC when it's safe for them to travel?

Yes, I'm sorry, I'm also in his corner. There's no point in ruining all the plans for everyone.

I would also do his plan. Send all the kids with him and you concentrate on the little one in hospital.

I'll children and long haul flights are both stressful events.

I can see both of your points of view and I think the seriousness of your child's illness and the likelihood of you both being able to join the rest of the family within 10 days should be the deciding factor.

Also re your daughter's anxiety,she'll take her lead from you. It's probably more manageable if she goes with your husband now too,of he goes, try encourage her to go too.

When we had similar our insurance only covered 1 parent to remain . eU though

I agree that he and the other DC go as planned

I would go with his plan. I don’t really get the issue if she’s not seriously ill. What are you worried about op? Flying alone?

Anyone who thinks your husband isn't being unreasonable clearly doesn't know how tough being in hospital with a toddler is!

I spent a few days and nights in hospital with DS. It wasn't by any stretch the most draining and fraught experience of my life because a) DS wasn't worryingly ill and b) hospitals outside the UK tend to be infinitely better at enabling patients and their families to eat, sleep and wash. Nothing the OP had said suggests that she is worried, or that her daughter will be in hospital for long.

I’ve been in hospital for a month with a seriously ill child. If she’s not seriously ill I would definitely do husbands plan

I'm confused with how many kids there are as you said your DD didn't want to go without you and the baby..so would you be left with a baby plus the child in hospital? And then your DH would take older ones? I'm afraid I agree with his plan. Plan A. To leave as planned.

I would absolutely do your DH’s plan.

If she isn’t seriously ill then husband should go with older kids, you bring younger ones when you can.

i don’t think it’s fair on your husband to miss seeing his family, and only the older kids who are desperate to go.

It’s a shame this has happened, but unfortunately it’s one of those situations where you just have to say to yourself ‘suck it up buttercup’

I hope your daughter is better soon and you enjoy the trip.

it says youngest DD is in hospital, so she must be a baby.