Help me unfuck this! Child in hospital, long haul trip home tomorrow

[ElfinsMum]

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We are in Australia. First trip home in 2.5 years booked for tomorrow. 4 week trip timed with Aus winter school hols. SIL and her kids also flying into UK so we can all celebrate PILs' 50th.

Youngest DD (2) admitted to hospital today unexpectedly. She can't fly for at least a week, maybe 10 days. Docs won't know for sure for another couple of days depending how the treatment goes.

DS is utterly gutted and has been bawling his eyes out all evening and demanding that DH takes him tomorrow anyway. DD1 suffers some separation anxiety and called me earlier to say she would be too anxious to go without me and the baby.

What the hell do we do?

DH wants to head off tomorrow as planned with older DCs. He thinks it's fine to leave me in hospital with the toddler and then us come across later when she is allowed to fly. I think that's easy to say when you're not the one being left literally holding the baby in hospital!! Also, I couldn't leave my ill child like that, just couldn't. Bothers me that it turns out he could.

I want to reschedule all our flights to 10 days later to be certain and reorganise holiday, i.e. still 4 weeks but later. DH says that's impractical and that everything is now planned and booked around these dates. In particular we will miss his sister and family. He is angry at me that I am willing to sacrifice seeing his family.

We have also discussed a compromise option, where DH and older kids wait until we are out of hospital to go then we follow later.

What other options are there? How do we decide??

Unless your youngest is seriously unwell (which it doesn’t sound like it if she can travel in a week), your DH’s suggestion is the most sensible / least minimal disruption of original plans.

If dd could be in hospital for 10 days it must be some what serious ?
I would be very annoyed wanting me to deal with a sick child . Have you someone that can take over for a few hours a day so you can go home and have a shower and get changes of clothes etc?

I would imagine your ds is very disappointed, I would be too but could your dh plan a few fun things at home ( day trips etc ) and then you all fly when dd gets out ?

If your toddler isn’t seriously ill then I don’t see why you’re pissed off with him that he could leave her. She’d be with you and she’d be fine.

If him staying will mean that he doesn’t see his sister then he should go. It probably means a massive amount to his Mum to have both her children in teh same country at the same time, and I can see why it would be very upsetting for his family for him not to go. Let him take the child that wants to go now, and you keep the child that wants to stay with you. It will be a tough ten days for you but you will all be reunited soon. Sometimes you just have to make sacrifices when you choose to live far away from family.

I think your DH's plan sounds best.

@Givemeallthegin8 she doesn't say the child will be in hospital for 10 days. Just it's 10 days before flying. She should have an ear infection or infected chicken pox

I’m not sure how you keep a child and visit one in hospital - it isn’t practical -

Id let him go and stay with the baby, she needs you - he can manage the others fine - he’ll have family to help.

She said the child wouldn’t be able to fly for 10 days, not that she would be in hospital all that time.

I agree with your husband. His plan is by far the most logical.

I agree with PP that unless she's seriously unwell that your DH's plan seems the best compromise.

Is it something that's emotionally difficult and you need support?

Another one in agreement with your DH.

I've been the last minute cause of a cancelled holiday. I'll never forget how awful it felt, how everyone tried really hard to stop me feeling bad, but it was no good because I heard them crying. 15 years on it still breaks my heart.

in this situation I'd feel even worse, because it's such a massive deal for all of the family after an enforced 2.5 years apart.

Please let DH and DS go. There really is no purpose in keeping them here, assuming that toddler is on the mend. The fact that the doctors say she can travel in ten days seems to show that there's nothing to worry about.

I wouldn’t call this a holiday - it’s so much more than that. It’s a trip home, from very far away, and a chance for OP’s DH’s family to be together for the first time in a very long time. I would prioritise this trip unless the toddler was extremely, unexpectedly, dangerously sick. It’s not a week in Tenerife.

I agree with DH too. I wouldn't love it, it would be awful to have DH and other DC on the other side of the world at anytime, let alone with a sick LO, but the burden on you isn't any greater because he's not there, maybe even reduced if he's taking other DC and I guess these kinds of things are thing yiubhave to accept when you move so far from family.

I don't mean that in any sort of snippy way, just that having made that decision, you must have to accept the distance.

I

Your DH’s option sounds it’s the least worst option, so I’d go with that.
Hope your little one feels better soon!

Sorry OP but I agree with pp’s. Having your other children away may actually be a benefit as it will allow you to fully concentrate on your DD who is in hospital

It is not an ideal situation for sure but I think your DH plan sounds sensible

Having your other children away may actually be a benefit as it will allow you to fully concentrate on your DD who is in hospital

I was going to say that. When it's just you and her, you have no-one else to consider and that reduces a lot of stress and having to work around others' needs and schedules.

It is different returning home to see family, I would expect DH to stay if it was a normal holiday.
But a trip home post-covid to visit family is very different.

I'm sorry this has happened, what bad timing ☹️☹️

But Honestly, if your DD is in hospital for something that isn't serious, why are you even doubting?

I imagine only one parent can stay with your DD anyway.

I've been there as the main parent in hospital with a toddler. It's never easy, but it is manageable and almost always has to mainly fall on one parent while the other looks after the home family duties anyway.

I don't see what you'd gain from making everyone else miss their plans, as long as your daughter is going to be ok.

I agree with your DH's plans

Oh rotten timing OP. I hope your LO is okay soon. Your DH's plan is infinitely the most sensible and practical. I completely understand your wish to put it all on hold and go together, but he's right - that's not fair on everyone else.

I'm with your DH as well, but 'cos it's rubbish for you.

I’m afraid I’m another who thinks OH’s suggestion is the best one.

Your DH is right, it’s not just a holiday and they’d miss seeing his sister which is a big deal. His plan makes the most sense.

i hope you don’t find this a pile on, but I agree with your DH

its good that he is stepping up and taking both kids, giving you space and time to concentrate on the youngest and getting the family bit over and done with

I hope your DD is better v soon

Let the others go
also travel insurance may well only come ver the cost for one adult to stay

I understand it's not an easy situation, but it makes sense for one of you to get back to the UK, assuming DH needs to get back to work. If your other DC are a bit older, then they'll need to get back to nursery/playgroup/school for routine, progressing and education.

He is angry at me that I am willing to sacrifice seeing his family. because of course it is your fault that the baby has ended up in hospital isn't it... what does he want you to do leave the baby there alone? That just makes me think he is a nasty piece of work tbh.

Putting that aside and assuming he's just stressed as he hasn't seen family in so long and not normally nasty, I think dh/ds could go as planned provided doctors think it's realistic for you and dd2 to follow. I don't think he can leave dd1 with you though unless she is a late teen as there is no way you'd be able to manage a child needing childcare and a baby in hospital solo. So partly it depends on whether he can cope with dd1 and her anxiety?

I'd also speak to your travel insurance as depending on how it is booked depends on what you will get back. You might find that they will only refund for you and baby and that you won't be able to afford last minute flight bookings based on what amount they refund.

The last 3 years has been tough on folks whose family are too far away to see easily. I'd cut him some slack on that basis BUT I would not put up with nastiness because everything isn't going his way.