Help me unfuck this! Child in hospital, long haul trip home tomorrow

[ElfinsMum]

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We are in Australia. First trip home in 2.5 years booked for tomorrow. 4 week trip timed with Aus winter school hols. SIL and her kids also flying into UK so we can all celebrate PILs' 50th.

Youngest DD (2) admitted to hospital today unexpectedly. She can't fly for at least a week, maybe 10 days. Docs won't know for sure for another couple of days depending how the treatment goes.

DS is utterly gutted and has been bawling his eyes out all evening and demanding that DH takes him tomorrow anyway. DD1 suffers some separation anxiety and called me earlier to say she would be too anxious to go without me and the baby.

What the hell do we do?

DH wants to head off tomorrow as planned with older DCs. He thinks it's fine to leave me in hospital with the toddler and then us come across later when she is allowed to fly. I think that's easy to say when you're not the one being left literally holding the baby in hospital!! Also, I couldn't leave my ill child like that, just couldn't. Bothers me that it turns out he could.

I want to reschedule all our flights to 10 days later to be certain and reorganise holiday, i.e. still 4 weeks but later. DH says that's impractical and that everything is now planned and booked around these dates. In particular we will miss his sister and family. He is angry at me that I am willing to sacrifice seeing his family.

We have also discussed a compromise option, where DH and older kids wait until we are out of hospital to go then we follow later.

What other options are there? How do we decide??

I'm also team DH here.

If your child is seriously ill then you are right

If your child is unwell but it's a common illness and no biggie then DH is right

I think it's v sad for him to miss seeing his sister. I do know how hard it is being solo parent with child in hospital my own then 4 Yr old had pneumonia it was incredibly stressful and I barely slept. But it's a huge thing for him to miss the trip as well

Unless it's life threatening I'd let him go.

Unless there is a massive drip feed coming, DH's plan is the logical one and the one your travel insurance would support.

Your plan isn't logical and tbh your compromise isn't much of a compromise either (I mean, its the same plan but without tacking the lost 10 days onto the other end of the holiday).

I think your DH is right here.
Speaking as as another overseas family.
You and dd come over as soon as you can.
The timing is dreadful for you all.

I think your dh is right.

I would let DH and older DCs go then

As your toddler is not seriously ill, and docs say she can actually fly long haul in 10 days, DH’s plan is the most reasonable. In your shoes I’d be very happy to only have one D.C. to think of, one D.C. to do that flight with, to be able to give hospital DD your undivided attention. The DD with separation anxiety will get over it, that’s really not a big consideration.

I would do as dp says. It's the only sensible solution

I’d think a lot less of my partner if he flew off on holiday when one of our children was in hospital. He wouldn’t even suggest it anyway. I suppose if your husband is happy to and presuming you’re child isn’t seriously ill, you can’t really tell him he can’t. Different priorities I suppose, not ones I would think much of in a partner and would actually struggle a lot with.

I also agree with your DH.

Do you have support from your own family/friends whilst they are out of the country?

I would also let DH and older kids go. Maybe with most of your luggage too so there is less for you to worry about. Also make it clear that he will be taking over with the toddler once you are in the UK.

I would also let your DH take the older DC since it's his family celebration and matters less if you miss it. Sorry, I know it sucks for you.

I wouldn't be impressed by a man who was angry over this, when surely you are worried about your daughter in hospital.

OP says they aren't seriously ill.

Another one saying your DH is right, he and the older children should go ahead, you and the toddler follow on once she can fly.

What a horrible situation.
Fingers crossed for a speedy and uncomplicated recovery for your toddler.

The fact is there is no upset-free solution to this, and I don’t think your DH is uncaring or unloving if he knows your child is out of danger and safe. There isn’t a special magic status to ‘hospital’ that means everything else always stops.

I think it’s important that he sees his sister.

It’s also daunting to be left alone in hospital duty , and he needs to acknowledge that.

But in the end, it’s all very upsetting and he is trying to mitigate impact.

Your DH is being the more practical and sensible about this tough situation.

There's no point them staying until toddler is out. There's nothing they can do to help, it'll have financial and family implications and will cause irreversible damage to family relationships with the wider family and potentially your relationship with your husband and between your children.

In your son's place I can't imagine I'd've gotten passed the resentment I'd feel towards the toddler delaying such an exciting trip. I mean that could be much emotional hang ups, but I'm proof there are children that feel that way.

Yes I agree with your DH

He goes with older children. You follow when you can.

Sorry but I’m with your dh on this one.
it sounds like your little one is poorly but being looked after well by hospital staff. Stressful of course, worrying and rubbish, absolutely. But from what you’ve posted, it sounds as though they’re alright and not expected to be seriously Poorly.
Your DH is being practical about it, flights are arranged and there’s an event to attend - he can get there with some of the dc at least. It’s been a few years since he’s seen his parents and it’s important that he gets there, it’s important that your dc gets the treatment they need too. You don’t all need to be there for that so it’s practical that he goes tomorrow as planned.
Hope none of that came across as uncaring or unfeeling, it’s not intended, it sounds like a very stressful situation for you both but putting a sensible hat on I’d be with him on this.

Agree with others - go with DH's plan.

I can see that now, I was thinking and writing my post when she posted that. But still, I would think less of my partner if he left his ill child to go on holiday. My partner wouldn’t anyway, we’ve been in a similar situation before years ago. As I said, different priorities, not ones I could have in a partner but each to their own.

I hope your daughter is feeling much better soon OP.

I think your dh has the best plan in a tricky situation.