Help me unfuck this! Child in hospital, long haul trip home tomorrow

[ElfinsMum]

Posting for traffic:

We are in Australia. First trip home in 2.5 years booked for tomorrow. 4 week trip timed with Aus winter school hols. SIL and her kids also flying into UK so we can all celebrate PILs' 50th.

Youngest DD (2) admitted to hospital today unexpectedly. She can't fly for at least a week, maybe 10 days. Docs won't know for sure for another couple of days depending how the treatment goes.

DS is utterly gutted and has been bawling his eyes out all evening and demanding that DH takes him tomorrow anyway. DD1 suffers some separation anxiety and called me earlier to say she would be too anxious to go without me and the baby.

What the hell do we do?

DH wants to head off tomorrow as planned with older DCs. He thinks it's fine to leave me in hospital with the toddler and then us come across later when she is allowed to fly. I think that's easy to say when you're not the one being left literally holding the baby in hospital!! Also, I couldn't leave my ill child like that, just couldn't. Bothers me that it turns out he could.

I want to reschedule all our flights to 10 days later to be certain and reorganise holiday, i.e. still 4 weeks but later. DH says that's impractical and that everything is now planned and booked around these dates. In particular we will miss his sister and family. He is angry at me that I am willing to sacrifice seeing his family.

We have also discussed a compromise option, where DH and older kids wait until we are out of hospital to go then we follow later.

What other options are there? How do we decide??

You write your own narrative.

The majority on here support the DH .

We had something similar happen days before a big holiday. DH and DS went on a shorter version of the holiday, I stayed in hospital with DD(4). It was hard to be the one who was left but it was better for DS than spending the holiday hanging around waiting for news. I’d send them off and try to reassure your DD so that she feels fine to go. But it is hard to be the one that stays behind and he needs to acknowledge that.

But they’ll still have 4 weeks with the other family. To be honest, the damage is probably done. OP already knows her husband would leave his child and that’s bothered her. He also shown anger towards her for this. Nice guy

Are you the OP?

The Dh is taking care of his DC and doing the right thing. Not wafting around pointlessly, waiting for his Dedicated Daddy badge for 'being there.'

And trying to get some traction with the 'anger' again is also a little weird.

Absolutely go with your dh’s suggestion. Why wouldn’t you?? Don’t let the older dcs miss out and don’t let DH miss out on seeing his sister. Leaving a non critically I’ll child in the care of her mother is not a heinous crime! Yes, you’ll both miss out on 10 days holiday but I doubt she’ll mind……..so it’s just you who will miss out a bit but surely worth it for the rest of your family.

I’m with your DH too. Makes no sense for you all to stay.

Agree.

Not least that op dh is taking the two children. If he was going alone I'd agree he was a shit, but he is taking two of the three and most of the luggage.

Just opinions. It’s a forum.

Go with his suggestion. Sounds reasonable and fair on the other children/family. Hope the little one is ok.

OP has disappeared!! Hope it all gets sorted OP but let him and other kids go.

his anger is a reaction to not seeing his family

Sorry- another one for DH’s suggestion. Tbh I wouldn’t travel half way across the world to not see my own family, only the in laws.

OP is in Australia. She's probably been sleeping!

Its not pointless to be with your sick child.

I haven’t mentioned the anger previously.

Taking 2 older children on holiday isn’t that difficult, far easier than OP. having to deal with a sick 2 year old, possibly not getting much sleep and then have a plane journey with a 2 year old. But yeah, she’s living the dream in comparison to her husband who is a star. 🙄

I hope she has. Hope your daughter is feeling better soon OP and you get everything sorted.

Sleep time for me now. 😴 💤

Alrighty Wasting we get it. You have your own narrative on this. I'm sure you've got your own reasons.

But this DH sounds like a good egg. Hopefully the OP will see the thread in the morning and see that her DH has the majority's support, recalibrate a bit, the LO will be well soon, and they'll have a fab - if staggered - trip.

Would all of the posters saying the DH should go without her and the 2 year old really fly to the other side of the world while their child was in hospital? Really??

Yes. There’s not just one child to consider. As long as one parent stays with the (not seriously I’ll) child in hospital, it’s the most sensible solution.

@tiredanddangerous my DH had to once for work. Sometimes one has to take a pragmatic view.

There was a time when DS1 was in hospital with bronchiolitis at 4onths old and DH was in court that week and working 14 hour days on a major case. I dealt with ds. Had ds been dangerously ill then of course he'd have been granted an exeat.

Yes. As long as it wasn’t serious and I could have plenty of updates from the parent who stayed, I would absolutely trust my husband to do as good a job as me. I wouldn’t do it on a whim but for something planned for several months, that the other kids are desperate to do, and delaying would mean I didn’t get to see my family for the first time in ages? Yes, I would be able to set aside my discomfort and do it.

I would and have dealt with dc in hospital when DH was in another country.
If I knew that dc was getting better and would be discharged soon I would be okay with DH going.

It would be the least worst option. Because the option of DH staying impacts both DH and other dc.

But I'm a pretty pragmatic independent person and DH has always traveled a huge amount for work.

Would all of the posters saying the DH should go without her and the 2 year old really fly to the other side of the world while their child was in hospital? Really??

Of course. The OP has said it's not serious. There are two other DC to be considered here. It's not the DH buggering off to the other side of the world on his own, for a laugh.

If my DH wasn't willing to step up for my other DC, and sort out the trip so I could take care of the LO, I'd be disappointed in him. It could be a simple fracture, or an ear infection. I wouldn't dream of trashing the DC's/whole family's holiday so I could have a bit of company while LO got well enough to fly!

It is context specific. There are a million reasons why a child is in the hospital and in this case, it sounds like they are not seriously ill, will soon be released home, and just need to wait out a time period to travel. In this case - as it stands, yes, I would fly across the world. There is a very good reason to do so. In other cases, no, I wouldn't but we are dealing with this case.

In this particular case I am team DH

OP, this is one of those family logistics disaster type situations that require both parents to ignore emotions and instead make quick, practical decisions.

1. Quickly accept it’s shit and move on. Do not start getting upset at DH for various slights, imagined or real. Now is not the time. Same for him.

2. Accept he and DS want to go to the U.K. today. It sounds like (practically) you can deal with baby alone.

3. DD1 is not sure what to do. Let her decide. Make sure she knows it’s no biggie either way. All outcomes can be dealt with and sorted (money permitting!).

These things are sent to test us! How you react and deal with it is kind of a litmus test of you and your husband’s relationship when stretched…. and it’s what your children will model their future relationships on. Take a deep breath, put the arguing/resentment to one side, and show the all kids you BOTH have ALL their backs 💪

Kindly but I think your dh is right. It's his parents birthday celebration and his family. He can take the kids and you can focus on your dd getting better. And all being well you can see them in 10 days.

I hope your dd is discharged soon and has a speedy recovery

Great post Blackbird