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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be irked by this presumption about slim people?

173 replies

lolliwillowes · 16/06/2022 14:06

I've seen a lot of threads on MN over the years discussing weight and diets, and they are often filled with statements such as "all of the slim people I know don't care about food, don't talk about it and use it only as fuel"

I can only speak for myself, ultimately, but I don't know one slim person who doesn't care about food. There is also a presumption that very slim people, especially over the age of 35 are all on strict, joyless diet regimes. It simply isn't true. Many, many people over 35 enjoy healthy, balanced and tasty meals, involving snacks, moderate alcohol use and the occasional junk treat. Perhaps 'moderate' is the word but not always!, but slenderness over 35 is NOT always intentional.

There are of course similar, ignorant presumptions about overweight/obese people, which describe them as lacking in willpower (I think overweight people have fucking awesome willpower a lot of the time, more so than I, and few people appreciate that fact).

But the idea that slim/thin individuals derive no pleasure from food is incredibly ignorant. Perhaps it is difficult to understand if one is constantly trying to loose weight and struggling, it must seem like a slender person is suffering too to achieve their weight?

It simply doesn't work like that, even though there are thin people who count every morsel and claim they have to fight to keep weight off - this is not a fast rule as we age. I think many different factors affect appetite, from gut biome to metabolism, and no two people are the same. I am late 40's and struggle sometimes to keep weight on, but I love my food with the same sensual pleasure that others do who are all different body sizes.

I just don't think we can make assumptions about what goes on with anyone's body. It is as ignorant as claiming all fat people are lazy, which we know is utter hogwash.

I once mentioned in a thread about carbs that I enjoyed a small amount every odd day, that I ate intuitively and enjoyed my meals - and was accused by several in the thread of fooling myself, that I was possibly even disordered because I was 1 lb underweight. Nobody would accept that I enjoyed pasta and toasted sourdough, that I didn't have to work my arse off to stay slim. Likewise, I feel it is wrong to presume a larger person shovels junk down every week. We are all just so, so different. What works for one won't work for another. The west is obsessed with restriction and exclusion of entire food groups and it doesn't bode well. But the persistent view of slim people living austere, joyless lives is not only insulting, it betrays a certain anger towards them, too.

OP posts:
IstayedForTheFeminism · 16/06/2022 18:18

QOD · 16/06/2022 14:28

agreed. i follow labia lady on instagram, she of Solomon sister fame, only because I like the crossover - anyway, she is tiny framed, tall and slim- eats endless junk (admits to it) and says it is just how she is. She has accepoted it but people message her unkindly about being thin etc and dark eye bags... my daughter has awful dark eye bags, hates it - its just their pale skin tone

Off topic but isn't she called label lady. On account of having a business selling sticky labels Confused

@lolliwillowes you say you only eat a small amount of carbs because you only like small portions of pasta. Which is fine. But what about bread? Potatoes? Rice? Carbs are in almost everything, which is why I'm struggling to give them up!

Appledrop · 16/06/2022 18:18

Wow, I'm a size 12, clearly obese by some of the remarks on here. 😂

pixie5121 · 16/06/2022 18:19

It's jealousy and delusion.

I fucking love food and drink. My life revolves around it. I plan holidays around it. I have spent entire long weekends going from pub to pub, cafe to cafe, enjoying all the local food and beverages. I'm a size 10, toned and fit. I go to the gym most days and I try to eat healthily and that can mean delicious salads and light dishes as well as stuff with more calories. I have never not eaten something because I thought it would make me fat. Ever.

I've had so many bitchy comments from fat people about how I must eat rabbit food or obsess about my weight. I don't even own scales and I have no idea how much I weigh. I just smile and think the person is a dick.

A580Hojas · 17/06/2022 12:42

"The reason I am not overweight is because when I am full, I am full. I could not eat 2 bars of chocolate in one sitting, I could not eat a full tub of ice cream in one sitting, I could eat a large big Mac Meal at 6pm but be full them for a good few hours. I wouldn't care how much was left on my plate, if I was full, I would leave it. That is my saving grace or so it seems."

This is SO ignorant! I am obese and couldn't eat past the point of fullness either, I detest being full because I am have emetophobia which makes me anxious and I eat modestly. I wouldn't eat one bar of chocolate or quarter tub of ice cream in one sitting, never. I am certain I eat less than the average woman. I leave food all the time. I left most of my small serving of french fries last night (which I had with a veggie burger no bun and a lot of salad) because I wasn't that hungry because of the heat. I leave the crusts of my sandwiches (childish I know).

I haven't eaten a single thing yet today. Am about to make a tuna sandwich for lunch, after which I'll have some red grapes. Dinner tonight is avocado, tomato and mozarella salad with basil and a bit of olive oil. That will be it for the day!

There are many obese people who eat fewer calories than their slim friends and relatives.

Sandinmyknickers · 17/06/2022 13:10

lolliwillowes · 16/06/2022 14:52

Gosh, that's almost as vile as the slurs aimed at large people. Grow up fgs.

What an odd site this is. I have not put anyone down or judged anyone's weight. Perhaps I am not used to being met by this level of hostility over such a benign query.

What?
Vile and hostile? Aimed at your weight?
It was a witty joke about being hangry on a thread about food because you do seem to be getting quite worked up. Nothing to do with your weight.
I think most people would laugh and it would help diffuse the tension on the thread.

I think you maybe need to take a breather and remind yourself that not all comments are attacking you. And I mean this kindly and not hostile-y. This clearly is an important ad serious issue to you, but not everyone feels the same so are approaching it more light heartedly..not attacking you

CourtneeLuv · 17/06/2022 13:25

A580Hojas · 17/06/2022 12:42

"The reason I am not overweight is because when I am full, I am full. I could not eat 2 bars of chocolate in one sitting, I could not eat a full tub of ice cream in one sitting, I could eat a large big Mac Meal at 6pm but be full them for a good few hours. I wouldn't care how much was left on my plate, if I was full, I would leave it. That is my saving grace or so it seems."

This is SO ignorant! I am obese and couldn't eat past the point of fullness either, I detest being full because I am have emetophobia which makes me anxious and I eat modestly. I wouldn't eat one bar of chocolate or quarter tub of ice cream in one sitting, never. I am certain I eat less than the average woman. I leave food all the time. I left most of my small serving of french fries last night (which I had with a veggie burger no bun and a lot of salad) because I wasn't that hungry because of the heat. I leave the crusts of my sandwiches (childish I know).

I haven't eaten a single thing yet today. Am about to make a tuna sandwich for lunch, after which I'll have some red grapes. Dinner tonight is avocado, tomato and mozarella salad with basil and a bit of olive oil. That will be it for the day!

There are many obese people who eat fewer calories than their slim friends and relatives.

I don't think this is true.

If the majority of obese people ate less than slim people, they would be slim too.

xogossipgirlxo · 17/06/2022 13:55

CourtneeLuv · 17/06/2022 13:25

I don't think this is true.

If the majority of obese people ate less than slim people, they would be slim too.

I agree.

OopsAnotherOne · 17/06/2022 14:00

@A580Hojas If you're certain you're eating in a calorie deficit and eating less than your slim friends and relatives, the natural expectation would be losing weight. If you're not (and if you're concerned about your weight), I'd suggest speaking to your GP about other reasons for weight gain as if you're genuinely eating that little, you shouldn't be obese.

A580Hojas · 17/06/2022 15:17

I didn't say I was in calorie deficit. I said I eat fewer calories than the average woman including many slim women. I am obese and 5'2", very sedentary and nearly 60. I have tipped from overweight to obesity (30lb overweight) since menopause. Clearly I take in more calories than I burn off but for someone with my stats my calorie requirement is extremely low. I was just pointing out that many obese people do not stuff themselves with junk food 24/7.

I've basically gained 1lb a year since I was 30. Yes, I am entirely to blame for this sad state of affairs and I don't blame anyone else but it's all been achieved by overeating by 10 calories per week (apparently).

Tully42 · 17/06/2022 16:05

5128gap · 16/06/2022 14:41

I'm slim now but haven't always been, and ime how fat I am is directly related to how many calories I consume. It makes not a scrap of difference whether the calories come from protein, carbs or Mars bars.
So I need to balance how fat I want to be with how much food i want to eat, and how calorific the food is.
If I want to stay at my current weight due to my age, build and lifestyle, I can't eat more than 1700 calories per day. If I want to eat a lot of food then I have to make sure it has a lower caloric value. If I want to eat high calorie food I can't eat much of it.
So anyone assuming I eat a restrictive diet is right sometimes, and anyone assuming I eat tiny portions is also right sometimes.
As to joyless, well, at present I get more 'joy' being slim to eating what I like. Should that change, I'll eat more and sacrifice being slim.

The only person here who gets it....

Muppetryofthepenis · 17/06/2022 16:56

A small number of people are slim built but can eat anything they want. However the reality is that for most people over 40, a fairly limited diet is needed to stay a size 8, for example. I ate whatever I wanted in my 20s and was built like an ectomorph. In my 40s, even with a healthy diet, I don't seem to be able to go under a 12. I think a lot of people have a similar experience.

pixie5121 · 17/06/2022 19:18

A580Hojas · 17/06/2022 15:17

I didn't say I was in calorie deficit. I said I eat fewer calories than the average woman including many slim women. I am obese and 5'2", very sedentary and nearly 60. I have tipped from overweight to obesity (30lb overweight) since menopause. Clearly I take in more calories than I burn off but for someone with my stats my calorie requirement is extremely low. I was just pointing out that many obese people do not stuff themselves with junk food 24/7.

I've basically gained 1lb a year since I was 30. Yes, I am entirely to blame for this sad state of affairs and I don't blame anyone else but it's all been achieved by overeating by 10 calories per week (apparently).

I think most of the 'I hardly eat anything' discourse is delusion and I don't think the poster you quoted was being at all offensive. Plenty of overweight people do eat giant bars of Dairy Milk, whole tubs of ice cream and half a 500g bag of pasta at a time. And those who don't often delude themselves about the calories in what they do eat. I can't count how many times I've heard "I don't understand why I'm fat because I only eat salads" and then you see them order a large Caesar salad drenched in calorific dressing, a side order of white bread and a large Coke. Or the "I only had a coffee for breakfast" and it was a grande frapuccino with whipped cream.

I don't think I've ever in my life spent any extended time around an overweight person and thought "I don't understand why they're fat." Many of them insisted they ate healthy food or tiny portions. It was never, ever true.

KirstenBlest · 17/06/2022 19:44

My XP ate less than I did but what he ate was different.
I'm comparing the volume of food not the calories.

A580Hojas · 17/06/2022 20:58

Well just totally dismiss everything I've said then pixie5121.

There are obese people who don't overeat all the time or by very many calories. I have literally spelled out to you how it can happen.

I watch My 600lb life sometimes and can see why it's not rocket science that someone is obese at 25 when they lie in bed all day and eat high calorie food all day.

But there are other obese people who are literally nothing like that.

One of my best friends is obese. 5'4" and 13.5 stone. She is a nurse in a critical care ward for children and works 50+ hours a week on her feet. She also runs and can do a half marathon, no problem and cycles to work (up a very steep hill) and back every day. She has 3 children and everything else that entails. Do you think she stuffs her face every hour of the day? Fuck that. What she does is eat a bit too much for her not great metabolism.

You all wait til you're post 55 and then come back with your pearls of wisdom.

SinnermanGirl · 17/06/2022 21:01

A lot of people talk a lot of shit. And you can’t shield yourself from the ignorant online in the world at that you can offline. Just ignore them.

ThatshallotBaby · 17/06/2022 21:05

I think it becomes very difficult to stay slimish in your fifties. To remain a size 12 -14, I really have to watch what I eat. My body shape has changed, weight definitely sits around my middle.
It is a real challenge the older you are.

Intransigentcat · 17/06/2022 23:08

OP people make assumptions about body types and diet all the time sadly and I agree they should be a little bit more open minded and less judgemental. My two slim sisters both have very hearty appetites and are no stranger to a Greggs. They love food. My size 4 beautician has been told she must have an eating disorder. She loves her tucker, KFC and Cadbury's creme eggs being favoured treats for her.

I'm very fat and eat a very very restricted diet. Yet here I am being told by La Sevillana that I must simply be deluded and be stuffing down slabs of chocolate or tubs of ice creams.

Well no. I have a hernia so can't eat a big plateful. I have severe reflux. So no fatty food, no takeaways, no booze, no coffee, no fizzy drinks. I eat very restricted carbs because they set off my reflux. I aim for about 1000 calories a day but it varies between 800 and 1200. Except on holiday when I relax a bit but only a tiny bit.

Mainly I eat salad, veg and some protein. I also have to be mindful and I have high cholesterol so much so that I have visible cholesterol spots on my face. I am always hungry of course because of how little I eat, so on a day when I'm really struggling I bulk out with a small amount of almonds or hazelnuts.

I mean I did push the boat out and had a single scoop of ice cream whilst I was away in early June and may even do the same when I'm on holiday at Christmas but it won't explain my size 24 top half or size 18 bottom. I have a very very active job. Yesterday I hauled multiple pallets about on a 30 degree shop floor.

I've been to the GP multiple times, I was given orlistat once. I understand the process of how it works so asked how it could be effective as I eat little fat. The GP said it probably would not help. Reader, she was right.

At work recently someone said to me that until they met me and saw how little and heathily I eat, they assumed all fat people are greedy over eaters. I could have laughed as person who said it has a chocolate bar or dessert with both their breakfast and lunch daily! It just goes to show how deeply ingrained those prejudices are.

Weight and weight loss are not simple and everyone is different.

SlatsandFlaps · 17/06/2022 23:19

Fritilleries · 16/06/2022 14:07

They're jealous. That's all.

Hmm Erm, no! 🤣 I'm proud of my curvaceous, feminine (& proportionate) body! I wouldn't opt to resemble the body of a 10yr old boy over my womanly shape for anything!

SlatsandFlaps · 17/06/2022 23:29

NippyWoowoo · 16/06/2022 15:48

I can only derive pleasure driving attention to my size on an anonymous forum.

That's the impression that I'm getting, to be fair.

Making a whole post about your slimness is odd.

It's a bit braggy isn't it?! And all the faux confusion about the 'small portion of carbs every few days' being allll she ever feels hungry for ConfusedHmm

mintybobs · 18/06/2022 06:36

SlatsandFlaps · 17/06/2022 23:19

Hmm Erm, no! 🤣 I'm proud of my curvaceous, feminine (& proportionate) body! I wouldn't opt to resemble the body of a 10yr old boy over my womanly shape for anything!

You do realise there are many female body shapes in between curvy (by which I am presuming you mean overweight) and 10 year old boy 😆

RudsyFarmer · 18/06/2022 08:30

Limiting processed foods and trying to keep on my feet all day maintains my size12 shape at 50. If I want to lose weight I have to fast.

5128gap · 18/06/2022 09:36

SlatsandFlaps · 17/06/2022 23:19

Hmm Erm, no! 🤣 I'm proud of my curvaceous, feminine (& proportionate) body! I wouldn't opt to resemble the body of a 10yr old boy over my womanly shape for anything!

I'm 8 stone 12 at 5 foot 4, and measure 37 24 37. I'm sure you look gorgeous.
I'm equally sure I don't look like a ten year old boy.

Adamantspants · 18/06/2022 09:40

A580Hojas · 17/06/2022 12:42

"The reason I am not overweight is because when I am full, I am full. I could not eat 2 bars of chocolate in one sitting, I could not eat a full tub of ice cream in one sitting, I could eat a large big Mac Meal at 6pm but be full them for a good few hours. I wouldn't care how much was left on my plate, if I was full, I would leave it. That is my saving grace or so it seems."

This is SO ignorant! I am obese and couldn't eat past the point of fullness either, I detest being full because I am have emetophobia which makes me anxious and I eat modestly. I wouldn't eat one bar of chocolate or quarter tub of ice cream in one sitting, never. I am certain I eat less than the average woman. I leave food all the time. I left most of my small serving of french fries last night (which I had with a veggie burger no bun and a lot of salad) because I wasn't that hungry because of the heat. I leave the crusts of my sandwiches (childish I know).

I haven't eaten a single thing yet today. Am about to make a tuna sandwich for lunch, after which I'll have some red grapes. Dinner tonight is avocado, tomato and mozarella salad with basil and a bit of olive oil. That will be it for the day!

There are many obese people who eat fewer calories than their slim friends and relatives.

Are you obese for medical reasons then since you eat fuck all?

Adamantspants · 18/06/2022 09:45

but it's all been achieved by overeating by 10 calories per week (apparently)

You are obese from eating 10 calories extra a week? I have heard it all now!

5128gap · 18/06/2022 10:04

Adamantspants · 18/06/2022 09:45

but it's all been achieved by overeating by 10 calories per week (apparently)

You are obese from eating 10 calories extra a week? I have heard it all now!

Its not possible within a lifetime. The difference between top end healthy, and obese is around 30lb for an average height woman.
Maths isn't my strong point, so i may be wrong, but an extra 10 calories a week would give a weight gain of about an ounce a year. So 16 years to gain a pound x 30 years to become obese. So 480 years to achieve obesity through a 10 calorie a week surplus?

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