To be irked by this presumption about slim people?

[lolliwillowes]

I've seen a lot of threads on MN over the years discussing weight and diets, and they are often filled with statements such as "all of the slim people I know don't care about food, don't talk about it and use it only as fuel"

I can only speak for myself, ultimately, but I don't know one slim person who doesn't care about food. There is also a presumption that very slim people, especially over the age of 35 are all on strict, joyless diet regimes. It simply isn't true. Many, many people over 35 enjoy healthy, balanced and tasty meals, involving snacks, moderate alcohol use and the occasional junk treat. Perhaps 'moderate' is the word but not always!, but slenderness over 35 is NOT always intentional.

There are of course similar, ignorant presumptions about overweight/obese people, which describe them as lacking in willpower (I think overweight people have fucking awesome willpower a lot of the time, more so than I, and few people appreciate that fact).

But the idea that slim/thin individuals derive no pleasure from food is incredibly ignorant. Perhaps it is difficult to understand if one is constantly trying to loose weight and struggling, it must seem like a slender person is suffering too to achieve their weight?

It simply doesn't work like that, even though there are thin people who count every morsel and claim they have to fight to keep weight off - this is not a fast rule as we age. I think many different factors affect appetite, from gut biome to metabolism, and no two people are the same. I am late 40's and struggle sometimes to keep weight on, but I love my food with the same sensual pleasure that others do who are all different body sizes.

I just don't think we can make assumptions about what goes on with anyone's body. It is as ignorant as claiming all fat people are lazy, which we know is utter hogwash.

I once mentioned in a thread about carbs that I enjoyed a small amount every odd day, that I ate intuitively and enjoyed my meals - and was accused by several in the thread of fooling myself, that I was possibly even disordered because I was 1 lb underweight. Nobody would accept that I enjoyed pasta and toasted sourdough, that I didn't have to work my arse off to stay slim. Likewise, I feel it is wrong to presume a larger person shovels junk down every week. We are all just so, so different. What works for one won't work for another. The west is obsessed with restriction and exclusion of entire food groups and it doesn't bode well. But the persistent view of slim people living austere, joyless lives is not only insulting, it betrays a certain anger towards them, too.

I can only derive pleasure driving attention to my size on an anonymous forum.

That's the impression that I'm getting, to be fair.

Making a whole post about your slimness is odd.

At 35 I was slim and could eat whatever I wanted .. carbs chocolate etc but been veggie years . 15 years later and peri menopausal I’m just starting to gain weight for the first time and having to learn when to stop . Habits are difficult to break after 50 years . I didn’t like food as a child ( pre veggie) so just fuelled but I don’t agree that all slim people have a certain attitude to food

I have literally never met anyone who suggests this in real life. Everyone I know would say if you're slim, you must just be genetically lucky. Whereas I only know one genuine food loving slim person (including myself) who doesn't have to keep one eye on their weight, and even then she is very tall and runs marathons.

But yes yabu to be irked as it really doesn't matter and you must surely have bigger things to worry about.

Yes it would be lovely if people weren’t so judgmental full stop to be honest OP. I’ve been everything between a size 8-18 and had every feeling under the sun about my body. At my slimmest, I was asked if I was unwell. At my heaviest, I was practically invisible. Maybe it’s how I perceived myself that was the actual problem, I don’t think people truly care that much about how others look. I certainly don’t.
I will say that when I was a size 14 or above I felt really really uncomfortable eating in front of an audience. I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid and literally couldn’t stop using this excuse. Until my GP one appointment told me that all my levels were actually really bad, at age 40. I was prediabetic, I had high cholesterol, I was nearly in the obese category and my blood pressure was high. That was it for me, I had to do something about it. I’m now a slim size 12 and finally feeling comfortable in my own skin again.

It’s about being healthy. Beyond that, I don’t care.
I have loved food every size I’ve been, but my portion sizes and the amount of treats I’ve had has varied. ;)

and then attacking people, because they disagree with you. Odd thread.

@lolliwillowes Agree. I love chocolate too, I am also more naturally oriented towards protein. What I meant partially is that my friends who were slim when younger and who are sugar-focused (I have a friend who would not finish a meal - not interested, not hungry etc but would then go for a cake, any cake) inevitably gained weight in mid age. I also like cake, but I am very specific in my taste and basically very demanding of my cake. I also rather prefer protein to carb; for instance I hate potatoes.

So overall agree with @KirstenBlest slim ones seem to like veg+protein and can't overeat as they would feel sick.

@lolliwillowes - you are being rather antagonistic though, even to relatively anodyne comments. It does suggest somewhat that you want to pick a fight.

Anyway i agree that not all very slim people live a joyless existence with food. I know some slim people who do and others who eat whatever they want. I think it’s mainly metabolism. I am mid range in BMI so pretty normal - neither particularly slim nor overweight. I love my food - I think it is one of life’s pleasures. But as I have got older and my metabolism has slowed, I have had to restrict what I eat. If I ate what I did 10 years ago I would put on weight. But luckily I don’t have a sweet tooth at all so at least I don’t have that to contend with!

Honestly. The slim post- kids women I know think they eat plenty but they don’t. They say they’ve had “loads” of something, but they haven’t. If you listen to what they say you’d think they’re just naturally slim. If you stay at their homes for a few days you get hungrier and hungrier. This is my experience, so it’s a generalisation.

Chubbier people give and consume bigger portions. Ime.

I'm slim and I talk about food a lot. I'm constantly hungry and take any freebies I can, regularly hoovering up the cakes and other goodies left out at work.

I'm slim because I hate spending money and also because I'm exceptionally lazy - too lazy to get off my arse and get snacks. I'm probably also lucky genetically.

It's such a complex topic. People who find it hard to process carbs for instance, who potentially can develop diabetes, are also attached to carbs and overeat them because they can't as efficiently derive energy from them compared to other people who might eat less carbs and not crave them because they extract energy more efficiently. I found this with a friend who was recently diagnosed with prediabetes. For him carbs is a treat and he really craves carbs and it is the carbs that he can't have with such high blood sugar level.

So to come back to OP, it might seem that slim people don't enjoy food because they enjoy a different kind of food? I remember someone writing on mums net that they would rather be fat that not eat cookies every day. I thought how odd, I hate cookies, what is so nice about them? I never eat cookies. This might make me appear joyless to the person who loves cookies. And even that is so rooted in the childhood, in the notion of love and care. My family never had cookies in the house and we never had a tradition of tea or milk with cookies, so cookies is this foreign unpleasant object for me.

When I see someone slim I assume nothing about them at all.

When I see someone overweight I assume that they eat more calories than their body needs for the amount of calories that they burn... but that could be down to anything from greed, to poor choices, to genetic pre-disposition to put on weight or not feel full, to injury / disability that means exercise is hard etc etc.

There’s been quite a few lately. It is odd.

I would say having a healthy attitude to food and your body isn’t this.

Well done for only eating one slice of toast! I’m slightly overweight and I tend to have two slices. I have been known to have only one slice and sometimes I might have shock horror four slices, depends on how hungry I am, how much time I have and how much I am enjoying it etc, etc.

Serious question though, does it make you feel better to compare yourself to an overweight person who you imagine gorges themselves on a whole loaf of bread?! I really can’t understand what you are trying to achieve with this. If you are healthy and eat what you like (unless it’s pasta, which is only every three days, obviously!), that makes you very lucky in my opinion.

I'm in my sixties, had 4 children and still more or less the same size as I was in my twenties. My friends in same age group are all a lot larger. I don't run, go to the gym, just do natural exercise. However, I don't have a sweet tooth.
When I was young, in the 1960s and 1970s, more or less everyone was slim. My friends who are larger had slim parents. My mother told me that dieting was unheard of.
To be honest, my friends love cakes, wine 🍷 and have a different way of life to their parents. Women never drove also. I don't know if this plays a part?
I do get snidy remarks about my size which I think is unfair.

Totally agree @lolliwillowes , People really seem to believe they can tell how healthy someone is, how they behave, how “careful” or not they are with food, and how much they like food just by looking at them. It’s nonsense! It’s as though everyone would be a size 10, no bigger, no smaller if we all ate the exact right amount of the exact right stuff. Before there was this obsession with food and weight, there was always a wide range of body types, shapes and sizes. Maybe there wasn’t so many really underweight teenaged girls, or lots very fat people but there was still a variety, just like with height.

If you go to remote villages around the world where they eat simple diets of what’s available locally, there’s still a surprising range of body types and sizes- it’s not likely the slim people there are calorie counting! Or the fat ones have no will power- they are just different.
I love food and am not overweight, my cousin really loves food and is tiny, and a friend of mine is very overweight but spends loads of her time restricting her diet and exercising. I do know slim people who worry about their weight and food intake too, and some slim people who just see it as fuel (though not many).

It just seems like when it comes to body type you can’t win! If you’re fat, you’re presumed to lack willpower or are lazy; if you’re average sized you are either too concerned with your diet or could stand to lose a few pounds; if you’re slim you’re probably vain, joyless and don’t “enjoy life”, if you’re skinny, you’re “dangerous skinny” and must have an ED (unless you’re male). God help you if you have a chubby child because then you’re definitely a “child abuser” 🙄, not a good parent, not normal parent, not a slightly crap parent- an actual child abuser.

imho people need to chill with the judgement, they mostly don’t have a clue and even if they did it’s likely none of their business anyway

why would i do that though? It seems odd to be suspicious of me for mentioning I am small. It shouldnt matter what size we are, we should be able to discuss things.

My OP is about perception/presumptions online. Would it be more acceptable if was a size 18? I am not sure Im understanding.

I know some slim people who have to work at it and some who don't. They all enjoy food.

I've always been slim but for the past few years I've been overweight due to psychiatric medication and an under active thyroid. I always feel that people will judge me 😔

Find one post where I attacked anyone. I disagreed, or pointed out insults such as 'hangry'.

Maybe you didnt see the posts suggesting i was restricting or showing off?

Serious question though, does it make you feel better to compare yourself to an overweight person who you imagine gorges themselves on a whole loaf of bread?! I really can’t understand what you are trying to achieve with this. If you are healthy and eat what you like (unless it’s pasta, which is only every three days, obviously!), that makes you very lucky in my opinion.

Ok i am really lost now. I have pointed out in my OP that presumptions about any size are wrong. How has that been so twisted out of shape.
Why are people so upset that I mentioned my size?

How on earth would my posts lead anyone to think I am looking down on larger people or trying to achieve anything? Can nothing be innocent here or honest? I suspect some knee jerk shit going on here!

Please feel free to quote any post of mine that looks down on fat people or where i compare myself to them.

For AIBU my post is fairly benign and open.

But why do you care about people talking nonsense online. At least half the stuff on this forum is bollocks. If their presumption is wrong in your case, why do you care? It just doesn’t matter. You are not the slim persons spokesperson to get truth out there and justice served.

My friend is a therapist and she’s worked with lots of people recovering from eating disorders. Many of them find comfort in talking about their and others weight and food intake and that is often online. I think that’s why people are possibly suspicious. People with genuinely healthy attitudes to food, don’t really feel the need to talk about things like this, correct people’s assumptions, tell people how small they are multiple times etc. A friends daughter said she knew when she was truly recovered because she stopped engaging in that behaviour.

Some mad skinny shaming goin on in here its kinda ugly.

I’m not suggesting you have an eating disorder, just stating why many people may be suspicious as you asked. It’s behaviour displayed by people who do suffer with eating disorders unfortunately.

Stop being so passive-aggressive to other people. No one cares what your size is or what you eat. No one makes any assumptions. People have other things to think of.

Since you asked...

"Interesting comment! Yes, my life is so empty that I can only derive pleasure driving attention to my size on an anonymous forum.
I think your comments speaks volumes tbh."

"Honestly, would the people leaving snarky comments do so if I had said I was a size 18? Sometimes it is difficult to have a decent discussion on here, it can be like a hornets nest. But yeh, it's AIBU, so whatever. Shame really as it's an interesting thing, socially, to think about."

"I suggest you dont tax yourself too much then, it isn't rocket science."

You're right. You're a treat. One lovely lady, easy to talk to.

Yawn.

Something else, when I met my husband he was overweight but since he has lived with us and eaten the same diet, he has lost 4 stone. He is also more active and is much happier.