To be irked by this presumption about slim people?

[lolliwillowes]

I've seen a lot of threads on MN over the years discussing weight and diets, and they are often filled with statements such as "all of the slim people I know don't care about food, don't talk about it and use it only as fuel"

I can only speak for myself, ultimately, but I don't know one slim person who doesn't care about food. There is also a presumption that very slim people, especially over the age of 35 are all on strict, joyless diet regimes. It simply isn't true. Many, many people over 35 enjoy healthy, balanced and tasty meals, involving snacks, moderate alcohol use and the occasional junk treat. Perhaps 'moderate' is the word but not always!, but slenderness over 35 is NOT always intentional.

There are of course similar, ignorant presumptions about overweight/obese people, which describe them as lacking in willpower (I think overweight people have fucking awesome willpower a lot of the time, more so than I, and few people appreciate that fact).

But the idea that slim/thin individuals derive no pleasure from food is incredibly ignorant. Perhaps it is difficult to understand if one is constantly trying to loose weight and struggling, it must seem like a slender person is suffering too to achieve their weight?

It simply doesn't work like that, even though there are thin people who count every morsel and claim they have to fight to keep weight off - this is not a fast rule as we age. I think many different factors affect appetite, from gut biome to metabolism, and no two people are the same. I am late 40's and struggle sometimes to keep weight on, but I love my food with the same sensual pleasure that others do who are all different body sizes.

I just don't think we can make assumptions about what goes on with anyone's body. It is as ignorant as claiming all fat people are lazy, which we know is utter hogwash.

I once mentioned in a thread about carbs that I enjoyed a small amount every odd day, that I ate intuitively and enjoyed my meals - and was accused by several in the thread of fooling myself, that I was possibly even disordered because I was 1 lb underweight. Nobody would accept that I enjoyed pasta and toasted sourdough, that I didn't have to work my arse off to stay slim. Likewise, I feel it is wrong to presume a larger person shovels junk down every week. We are all just so, so different. What works for one won't work for another. The west is obsessed with restriction and exclusion of entire food groups and it doesn't bode well. But the persistent view of slim people living austere, joyless lives is not only insulting, it betrays a certain anger towards them, too.

I was slim until my 40s and always ate a lot. When I became underweight people were quite rude about me being skinny. It is not acceptable to be rude to fat people but a lot of people think it is okay to be rude to skinny people.

They’re jealous. I’m 35 slim and ate a McDonald’s for lunch today. I walk my dog and work as a waitress, I also rarely sit down because I have 3 children. I have a takeaway once a week and tend to eat one big meal a day and sometimes something small in the afternoon.
im not on a diet, I eat like a pig come evening but I don’t have time to graze throughout the day.
in my experience people who carry more weight tend to pick at things throughout the day and don’t tend to go more then a few hours before having a least a nibble of something.
A lot are in denial at the food they eat because they don’t include the little bits here and there that they’re snacking on.

Well I've never been obese, but I have been overweight, and I do like my food. My mother has never been overweight, and she has never really liked food in the same way I do - it is largely fuel to her, although that's not to say that she doesn't enjoy a nice meal especially if cooked for her. She would never eat a three course meal though.

When I was overweight, I got very little exercise. In fact I find it embarrassing to think how lazy I was, eg paying for a season ticket for the station car park which was a TEN MINUTE walk away from home! Admittedly I had a walk at the other end.

I also find that if I am out, I eat much more than others. I've been out for work lunches and everyone else leaves half their meal saying they're eating later. I polish mine off and want more. I remember going for a Christmas meal and eating my dessert and everyone else left half of theirs.

A work colleague was very slim and I think her technique was to arrive late for group meals, then talk a lot, so she hardly ate anything. I noticed but I wonder if others did.

What's different now? Exercise. Lots of it. Walking, swimming, running, outdoor bootcamp type fitness classes. I can more or less eat what I want, although I don't have cakes and biscuits in the house except for special occasions. Exercise really is the key.

This is true. (Fat) people have said to my mum "you're too thin" so she retorts with "well you're too fat" and when they gasp she says "well why is it ok for you to offend me". It's a fair point!

Not true at all. I know someone who's as skinny as a lat, but eats bread and pasta meals daily and I aren't talking measly sized portions either. This is often finished off with a family sized chocolate cheesecake, topped with at least half a tub of triple chocolate ice cream and drizzled in about a bottle of chocolate sauce. Or some other type of pudding. Packets of chocolates eaten throughout the day as well. Oh and doesn't exercise. I'm the opposite end of the scale and overweight. Even from eating portion controlled meals and really limiting things like treats I still struggle to lose weight. The only way I can lose it in large amounts is to go completely no carb. Practically live off a plate of lettuce leaves and spend about 5 hours each day doing strenuous exercise.

Yep, I get you. On top of the horrible comments I get (mostly from strangers) about my weight, I also get comments from people I know regarding food such as "I bet you don't have to worry about what you're eating", if I check the calories or sugar content before eating I get the "you can eat whatever you want, why do you even care?"
I'm slim because I exercise regularly, don't eat sugary foods often and keep a note of my calories. The fact I am not overweight is because I care about food. The notion of "you can eat whatever you want!" is what leads to obesity, if I ate whatever I wanted all of the time I would pile on the pounds.

@riesenrad "A work colleague was very slim and I think her technique was to arrive late for group meals, then talk a lot, so she hardly ate anything. I noticed but I wonder if others did."

I also had a friend like this. Eating one sandwich was taking her an hour or so, because she talked so much. She felt like she was eating loads, but it wasn't true. It was her personal perception. In fact, I read some studies that only 2% of people in the world can eat what they want (like loads) and not to put on weight. But most people have different standards of what normal portions means to them. "Supersize vs. superskinny" shows it well.

It's true that we're all different. I eat very poorly, hardly any fruit or healthy snacks, I hardly drink water, I regularly eat family sized crisps/chocolate to myself.
My meals are fairly healthy but that's only because I'm not the one cooking them.
I sometimes eat excessively and I don't have an off switch. I'm tiny in size but I dread to think what the state of my organs are like.

I've always been slim & am now in my late 50s. I love everything about food - planning, shopping, cooking, eating, the leftovers, baking etc etc - I really ought to be enormous!

I definitely eat smaller portions & less carbohydrate than when I was younger by following my appetite rather than consciously cutting out anything.

One thing I never am is guilty about food - if I want a piece of cake or a chocolate I have it - which seems not to be the case among my less slim friends.

Maybe don't hang out on weight loss threads or diet threads if you're not on a diet. It might skew your perceptions what most people think.

Usually slim people get cross on the internet about the assumption they don’t work for their slim frame and that they are just genetically born that way and can eat what they like. It’s quite novel to hear someone skin moaning that the assumption is they are careful eaters

I'm slim, over 35 and don't ever have to watch what I eat. I enjoy food and have never been on a diet.

It is not acceptable to be rude to fat people but a lot of people think it is okay to be rude to skinny people

Such a boring, lazy comment. It is in no way the same thing. The majority (utterly overwhelming majority) of people are quite flattered by someone noticing their slimness. It never works the same the other way round. Never ever. It is just not an insult on the same level.

I am usually very thin myself(34yrs)(just gave birth 4weeks ago so still have a small mum tum) but can pretty much eat what I like and hardly do any exercise. People always say to me that I need to go eat pizza or burger or that I need I good feeding even though I probably eat more than them and it does get on your nerves. I also have an aunt who is clinically obese and now has diabetes due to being overweight, yet she hardly eats anything during the day, dinner at night and when snacking usually goes for the healthier options. Your spot on! Everyone is different and everyone’s bodies are wired different as well and a lot of people need to remember this before opening there mouths.

Agree OP and I a fat person

I was reading a MN thread the other day about alcohol where the OP "needed" 2-3 small glasses of wine every evening. A number of posters told her it wasn't healthy and although they'd like to drink xyz amount of alcohol each day too they make a conscious decision not to because it's bad for your liver etc.

I genuinely enjoy certain alcoholic drinks very much indeed but will happily go for weeks or even months without touching a single unit with literally zero conscious thought behind it. No willpower, no moderation, it just is.

I imagine the same applies to food - some people can really enjoy it when they have it but it doesn't particularly feature in their day's thinking. I think where the problem lies is in the assumption that we experience hunger/the desire to eat in roughly the same way as each other and it's all down to willpower/mindfulness/greed/laziness/joylessness etc that determines our outcome and the judgement that comes with it.

I think this is the difference. The ability to stop when you SHOULD, even if still hungry, and balance your calories over the day/week.

In the past I'd still have had breakfast if we were having a work lunch, because I'd still be hungry in the morning. Others wouldn't. I'd eat all 3 courses and still go home and have dinner, even possibly a takeaway, whereas others would eat half if eating later or they'd eat it all but not eat again.

If I'm hungry, I'm hungry, and I'd eat. Now I don't because I'm dieting.

I agree with you OP. I work hard to stay slim. I eat lots of salads, veggies, fish and lean chicken etc. I never have dessert and I work out regularly. Yet oddly, my friend still tells me i'm "lucky" to be slim. Um no, it aint luck- its hard work. Its not a joyless life either- I love the food I eat and enjoy it. Heavy, fatty, carby foods actually make me feel like crap- sluggish and no energy and sugary foods make my blood sugar levels crash making me feel weak and tired. I'd hardly call that living a "joyful life" if it eating junk makes you feel like literal garbage.

No- people are jealous which is why they like to put it down to sheer "luck" because it means that THEY dont have to put any work in to manage their own health because well, its luck isnt it? and they are just unlucky so no point in even trying!!

I’m slim (though currently three weeks post c section so my belly has looked better...). I bloody love food and am probably the greediest person I know. I also do a LOT of exercise and eat very little fast food and sweets/chocolate (although I definitely indulged more in the latter during pregnancy).

It really annoys me when people equate slimness with asceticism. Ascetic I most definitely am not!

Also to add to this OP, some comments I had from ladies about my size was always them anticipating that I would one day become overweight like them. "Just wait until you hit puberty", "just wait until you hit your 20s", "just wait until you have kids", why are they so desperately waiting for the life event which makes me overweight? I literally don't get their obsession with it. "Compliments" from similar ladies are said backhandedly and with a touch of venom, so I brush them off as jealously.

Ive been both. In my experience, slim people aren't nearly as judgemental as over weight people tend to think they are. Most people really dont care what size you are. Thin people also often have just as many body insecurities.

When I was slim, it was effortless. I used to enjoy healthy food and eat "intuitively". Now I'm bigger, I seem to have developed all sorts of addictions that I never used to have. It's very hard to get past, trying to get back to a healthy diet feels a lot like giving up smoking.

I'm jealous, I have lots of friends who are naturally slim / lean. They love food and seem to eat what they like. I also love food but do seem to put weight on more easily, am an hour glass shape and as i age it is becoming increasingly hard to keep my weight down. I think the pp who said frame and metabolism is right!

I am slim and eat absolute shite. Diet is atrocious nutritionally. Fast food, beige food, high fat, high carb, lots of take aways etc. I don't enjoy healthy foods at all.

The reason I am not overweight is because when I am full, I am full. I could not eat 2 bars of chocolate in one sitting, I could not eat a full tub of ice cream in one sitting, I could eat a large big Mac Meal at 6pm but be full them for a good few hours. I wouldn't care how much was left on my plate, if I was full, I would leave it. That is my saving grace or so it seems.

Yes I am slim and to anyone looking from the outside in, they would think I worked on it. I don't and I do no exercise. I look at a larger sized lady who is overweight and can know in my heart that she is, more than likely, 100% more healthy than me. Society will says she is not from just looking at her but she is. She will have got her quota of fruit and veg, hydrated herself, have gone on a walk or done some strength training, eaten a decent dinner with protein etc and then maybe eaten some crap but at least some good went in!

Skinny does not always mean healthy, I am the poster girl for that. I do think it boils down to the same thing really, disordered eating. I know I am probably doing myself harm by not giving myself proper nutritious food and an overweight person might eat an awful lot more than me and pile on the pounds. Both not great diets.

A larger person will get judged more than me though because my lack of nutrition does not show on my body even though I am probably a lot more unhealthy than they are.

I manage several holiday cottages.
Slim people arrive with one small bag of sensible shopping for a weekend.
Fat or chubby people arrive with 2/4 huge bags of shopping, containing every imaginable treat , sweets & chocolates, cans of pop, wine, ice cream, bacon, egg and sausages for a full English breakfast, orange juice, croissants, et etc in addition they order takeaways and often pop out for Macdonald's or a coffee.
The slim people bring enough food for the weekend.
Enough said.

Ah they're just jealous. Everyone wants to be slim, despite all the crap about "big is beautiful". No it's not.