To be irked by this presumption about slim people?

[lolliwillowes]

I've seen a lot of threads on MN over the years discussing weight and diets, and they are often filled with statements such as "all of the slim people I know don't care about food, don't talk about it and use it only as fuel"

I can only speak for myself, ultimately, but I don't know one slim person who doesn't care about food. There is also a presumption that very slim people, especially over the age of 35 are all on strict, joyless diet regimes. It simply isn't true. Many, many people over 35 enjoy healthy, balanced and tasty meals, involving snacks, moderate alcohol use and the occasional junk treat. Perhaps 'moderate' is the word but not always!, but slenderness over 35 is NOT always intentional.

There are of course similar, ignorant presumptions about overweight/obese people, which describe them as lacking in willpower (I think overweight people have fucking awesome willpower a lot of the time, more so than I, and few people appreciate that fact).

But the idea that slim/thin individuals derive no pleasure from food is incredibly ignorant. Perhaps it is difficult to understand if one is constantly trying to loose weight and struggling, it must seem like a slender person is suffering too to achieve their weight?

It simply doesn't work like that, even though there are thin people who count every morsel and claim they have to fight to keep weight off - this is not a fast rule as we age. I think many different factors affect appetite, from gut biome to metabolism, and no two people are the same. I am late 40's and struggle sometimes to keep weight on, but I love my food with the same sensual pleasure that others do who are all different body sizes.

I just don't think we can make assumptions about what goes on with anyone's body. It is as ignorant as claiming all fat people are lazy, which we know is utter hogwash.

I once mentioned in a thread about carbs that I enjoyed a small amount every odd day, that I ate intuitively and enjoyed my meals - and was accused by several in the thread of fooling myself, that I was possibly even disordered because I was 1 lb underweight. Nobody would accept that I enjoyed pasta and toasted sourdough, that I didn't have to work my arse off to stay slim. Likewise, I feel it is wrong to presume a larger person shovels junk down every week. We are all just so, so different. What works for one won't work for another. The west is obsessed with restriction and exclusion of entire food groups and it doesn't bode well. But the persistent view of slim people living austere, joyless lives is not only insulting, it betrays a certain anger towards them, too.

I'm slim and over 35. I do like food, especially cake, and do eat carbs every day (always two croissants and latte for breakfast!). However, I watch my portion sizes, and snacks might be protein bars or fruit, though I probably do also use food as fuel, in that I'll have a larger lunch or dinner if I'm going for a run later on.

I haven't always done this, but increasing the running recently has made me eat more.

I’m naturally very slim always have been and absolutely love food! Now I have children people compliment me on still being so slim but I can’t take any actual credit for it 🤣 I’m assuming my metabolism may slow down eventually

Having been on both ends of this spectrum (43kg at my lowest and 75kg at my highest) I can see both sides of this. But, personally, when slim, I never came across anyone who thought I didn't enjoy food or lived a joyless or restricted lifestyle. I came across people who were envious that I could exercise easily though - which I understand because obese me was envious of slim me for that too.

Bigger people aren't lazy or glutenous or stupid or any of the other negative tropes about them (most of the time) - but, at every stage when I've been bigger, it's been because it's been harder to exercise or eat the right foods (i.e. when I had a seriously injured ankle and required surgery or when I've been recovering and in pain and had to start fitness from scratch). Being bigger isn't an indication of the qualities often associated with it.

Slimmer people aren't boring or obsessed or judgemental or any of the other negative tropes about them (most of the time) - at every stage when I've been more active, it's because it was easier for me to be more active. It's not that I put more effort in or was a better person. I wasn't more disciplined or more motivated - it was simply easier to do, so I did it more. Being slim isn't a sign of the qualities often associated with it.

I think the vast majority of people who have been both obese and underweight (and everywhere in between) recognise this. I was the same person when I was any of the weights that I've been, so it's really not an indication of how greedy/lazy/boring/motivated/diligent/self-controlled/etc a person is.

YANBU, @lolliwillowes.

I've been fat and I've been slim and I've been everything in between, and I do know exactly what you mean. I had some really odd comments from certain people when I lost of weight and I had someone literally argue with me, quite aggressively, when she asked me how I did it and I gave her an honest answer. She refused at first to believe that I'd just counted calories, and then she refused to believe that I was eating more than 1000 calories a day (it was, in fact, 1800-1900 a day). We went out for a team lunch once and the first thing she said when we got the menus was 'This looks nice. Shame 10HailMarys will have to have a green salad'. Which was weird because I've literally never ordered a green salad in my life and was planning on choosing a steak baguette and chips.

I quit wine after lockdowns, had been overdoing it, but stupidly didnt fill the gap with new calories so ended up underweight. I am now trying to put some on via protein as am skinny fat (ugly term but cant think of a better word).
In that sense i possibly wasnt observing it or thinking much, but i think our appetites change throughout life. Perhaps at both ends of the scale we need to keep our eye on the ball.

You eat small amounts of carbs every other day, yet you don't count that as restricting your food intake?

great comment, thanks. I have only noticed the assumptions online. Nature of the net i suppose. In real life, larger people are judged mercilessly. It's so ignorant because it is so complex - and why do people feel the need to dehumanise someone for their size?

@lolliwillowes not eating carbs daily is not what I would consider a balanced diet - lacking in fibre, difficult to get 5 a day unless you eat your body weight in spinach etc. And tracking how often you’re eating them doesn’t exactly scream healthy attitude towards food to me.

no, i dont.
I eat what i like. I only like small servings of pasta. Im sorry if this pisses you off.

Of course some slim people enjoy their food. But I do know slim people who say they do not care about food and just see it as fuel. Or slim people who say they can enjoy a special meal but do not really care that much about food at all. Why would I think they are lying?

I am wondering by this logic - if i prefer spinach to green beans, am i restricting the green beans? I may need counselling for that.

My partner eats probably 3000 - 4000 calories a day and he's not overweight. Some people have really fast metabolisms and are lucky.

you are not lying, my op was questioning threads ive seen where a lot of people state these presumptions as fact. I am suggesting we are all different, as you say yourself. Not sure why people have took offence to that.

apologies i meant "they" are not lying, not you

The reality is after 40-45 people who stay slim are the ones who eat well, do not overeat, don't eat cakes every day, don't have cookies at home as snacks, etc. This is totally healthy, normal and nondisordered, but might require some thought. So in the current climate of overeating and processed food, staying slim all your life, losing weight after pregnancy, etc takes some thought. Not by taking away pleasure from eating, but by upholding healthy eating and having a bit of understanding (that if can have a cake and a coke and it would be equivalent in cal to a full dinner).

I find it is similar to exams and the idea of "smartness". Smart kids, to achieve say A-star in A-levels, still need to work very hard.

Slim people (I am one of them) still need to be somewhat mindful - just because the landscape of food is so crap and it's so easy to eat badly

I am 50 and very slim. I recently slimmed down from a size 12. I love food and carbs especially 😋😍, but made a decision that I rather be slim than eat as much as I like. I now eat very little and exercise a lot, maybe a bit too much. I do indulge now and again and will never be the person who orders side salad instead of chips when out for a meal, but I have to work very very hard to stay this weight and especially as toned as I want. For me it’s worth it.

Random internet people are still real people so that was silly, wasn't it. I personally don't care because anyone obsessed with other people diets it's over invested and lovely projecting their insecurities.

It doesn't piss me off - I'm middle aged and my carb portions tend to be on the small side or else I feel crap but your rather contradictory statement did stand out to me - and clearly to others - even more so when you went on to contradict that in subsequent posts.

My DH is built like a racing snake

Absolutely love that description.

I come from a slim family - nine of us including parents, and all slim. Everyone of them ate/eat with enjoyment and never cut out any food groups - it wasn't something that people did when my family were younger.

My youngest - in her 30s - is like one of my sisters and has difficulty keeping weight on.

I'm 73 and I'm still slim and toned looking.

I enjoy my food and wouldn't dream of cutting out any food groups such as carbs, particularly carbs, we need them for energy and brain and cell function.

All the slim people I know all eat well, don't cut out anything and their eating habits certainly aren't joylesss. At the same time, they don't graze all the time either.

@microbius This made me think of how stress can affect appetite too. At any age. I used to drop a ton very quickly when anxious or stressed but thankfully this has calmed down as I have grown older. My sister ate more yet became leaner after meno and developed really strong, defined legs. She was previously a skinny pear. It's all pretty random I think. My mum was like me, skinny but untoned.

For myself, I suppose i do love 'healthy' food. Especially stuff like olives, pepper, mediterranean meals. But I do enjoy regular chocolate. Perhaps it has more to do with what we crave? I would prefer bacon to ice cream, so perhaps I am less sugar focused. It isnt intentional though. One thing I do that is intentional is watch my booze intake closely as it can make me really moody and unwell.
There will be 'reasons' for all of us, and theyre multifaceted!

Look, perhaps we are muddled?
I dont restrict carbs, I eat them in amounts that satisfy me, I cant help that. i am not sure how this is contradictory. We should leave it alone now

In my experience, the very slim people that say they eat loads and whatever they like and sont restrict are a bit delusional.

Think the skinnies on supersize v superskinny. A lot of those thought their eating was fine, when it really wasn't, and this is what I find with the very slim people I know.

They eat tiny amounts and as the assumptions op posted about, they eat to fuel rather than for enjoyment.

I'm slim. Some of my friends & family are slim, some are overweight and some are yo-yo dieters.

There is definitely a difference in eating habits.

The yo-yo dieters seem obsessed with calories, the overweight ones eat carb & fat based meals and snacks, the slim ones seem to like veg + protein + some carb meals and don't graze, or if they do it will be a piece of fruit

Agree with this, that is a good point. I dont eat a lot. For example a standard bag of chips from a chippy would hurt. But i love and enjoy what i do eat. I dont think ive ever eaten (consciously) just for fuel though. I get excited about mealtimes and go to town on creating things that are delicious to me.

Maybe appetite is too varied to fathom. There are so many rules and tips out there for healthy portions and food types, but I think it is really dependent on the individual.
And perhaps like with alcohol, you can train your stomach to want more, or less.

In the office I’ve seen far more negative comments to the slender women that the overweight ones. Often it’s then overweight ones making subtle digs.

It if anything could be accidentally misconstrued to imply that they are over weight or larger all hell breaks lose.

for me I used to love the body positivity movement but now I see it as a fat is good movement, and even talking about health is an affront