Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To approach this mum with this warning?

365 replies

swimmingwiththefishes · 15/06/2022 17:20

Ok so I would NEVER normally approach a mum and 'point something out' BUT,

It's a hot day here (26 when I went to the park earlier) and I took the dog out for a walk in my local park. Took DS2 who's 6 months.

As I walked around the park and across some fields, there were two mums sat having a picnic of some sorts in the sun (no shade).

One of the mums obviously had a baby for a nap in the pram (I assume baby as bassinet attachment). To create some shade she had taken two muslins and draped them over the opening of the bassinet and clipped them with pram clips across the openings.

I'm pretty sure that this creates a hothouse type effect and can be quite dangerous. I actually had DS2 also napping and had a snuzshade draped over to stop the sunlight creeping in (black thin material with air holes to create shade but let the air flow).

I ummed and errd but decided I had to say something so really thought about the least offensive way to say it (I'm sure I could have found better!!).

Below is the convo. My friend thinks I was totally out of order to do this but I think I couldn't in good conscious not say anything

Me; gosh, it's soooo hot today isn't it? Nice to have some sun but poor little ones get so hot
Mum: oh yes, we're enjoying being able to get some sun!
Me: I'm not sure if it's helpful but I've found these snuzshade things really good as they let the air in so much more lightweight and breathable than muslins.
Mum: what do you mean?
Me: sorry, it's just I've read that muslins don't let the air through so can make babies hotter so I just thought I'd mention how great I've found this product as not sure if you're aware?
Mum: tell you what? Why don't you fuck right off and leave us the fuck alone
Me: ok, I'm literally trying to stop your child from overheating, that's all. Look it up.

I told my friend about the above convo and she said I probably came across as patronising and interfering. Yup, I probably did come across like that but that poor baby was probably roasting in there!

I'm sure I could have approached it better but WIBU?

OP posts:
Salome61 · 15/06/2022 21:09

So sorry for the baby, I hope he/she was OK.

I was in the middle of a lesson when I got the call from my childminder, my son was eighteen months and 'wouldn't wake up'.

She'd taken him to the park on a boiling hot day and left him in the buggy, in the shade, while she played with her other charge. I raced home and he wasn't responding so I ran indoors and stupidly dumped him into a cool bath. I knew afterwards just to sponge him, could have killed him doing that. He didn't come round for ages, I was beside myself.

Bunnygirl0 · 15/06/2022 21:10

You shouldn’t have been walking your dog in that heat. I didn’t walk mine at lunchtime for that reason…

SmartCarDriver · 15/06/2022 21:12

Salome61 · 15/06/2022 21:09

So sorry for the baby, I hope he/she was OK.

I was in the middle of a lesson when I got the call from my childminder, my son was eighteen months and 'wouldn't wake up'.

She'd taken him to the park on a boiling hot day and left him in the buggy, in the shade, while she played with her other charge. I raced home and he wasn't responding so I ran indoors and stupidly dumped him into a cool bath. I knew afterwards just to sponge him, could have killed him doing that. He didn't come round for ages, I was beside myself.

Why had the childminder not called an ambulance, left a child out in heat that long? I presume you no longer use her?

echt · 15/06/2022 21:13

Was the woman Australian?

This covering of prams is rampant here. I was Shock when I first saw it.

CandyFloss31 · 15/06/2022 21:16

You did the right thing. At least you can sleep tonight knowing you’ve let the mum know. It’s up to her now.

Goldie2021 · 15/06/2022 21:24

Us Mums get unsolicited advice all the time, there’s no need for her to be rude about it. Her response was too much.

Robinni · 15/06/2022 21:29

swimmingwiththefishes · 15/06/2022 17:20

Ok so I would NEVER normally approach a mum and 'point something out' BUT,

It's a hot day here (26 when I went to the park earlier) and I took the dog out for a walk in my local park. Took DS2 who's 6 months.

As I walked around the park and across some fields, there were two mums sat having a picnic of some sorts in the sun (no shade).

One of the mums obviously had a baby for a nap in the pram (I assume baby as bassinet attachment). To create some shade she had taken two muslins and draped them over the opening of the bassinet and clipped them with pram clips across the openings.

I'm pretty sure that this creates a hothouse type effect and can be quite dangerous. I actually had DS2 also napping and had a snuzshade draped over to stop the sunlight creeping in (black thin material with air holes to create shade but let the air flow).

I ummed and errd but decided I had to say something so really thought about the least offensive way to say it (I'm sure I could have found better!!).

Below is the convo. My friend thinks I was totally out of order to do this but I think I couldn't in good conscious not say anything

Me; gosh, it's soooo hot today isn't it? Nice to have some sun but poor little ones get so hot
Mum: oh yes, we're enjoying being able to get some sun!
Me: I'm not sure if it's helpful but I've found these snuzshade things really good as they let the air in so much more lightweight and breathable than muslins.
Mum: what do you mean?
Me: sorry, it's just I've read that muslins don't let the air through so can make babies hotter so I just thought I'd mention how great I've found this product as not sure if you're aware?
Mum: tell you what? Why don't you fuck right off and leave us the fuck alone
Me: ok, I'm literally trying to stop your child from overheating, that's all. Look it up.

I told my friend about the above convo and she said I probably came across as patronising and interfering. Yup, I probably did come across like that but that poor baby was probably roasting in there!

I'm sure I could have approached it better but WIBU?

It sounds like said mum was WC and wouldn’t have appreciated - or been able to afford - a snuzshade……. Which sounds as MC as a Morrck, or a Tripp Trapp high chair.

You’re right re. dangers but you were patronising and interfering.

orangeisthenewpuce · 15/06/2022 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LDN1 · 15/06/2022 21:32

You can be patronising / interfering AND right... all at the same time.

It's not one or the other.

Your conscience should be clear.

JanisMoplin · 15/06/2022 21:33

Thread is way too long and confusing. Are muslins ok or not? And are snuzshades better?

And what do people do in hotter countries which don't have access to snuzshades? I am sure I must have used muslins but it's all so long ago that clearly the science has moved on.

Original poster
swimmingwiththefishes · 15/06/2022 21:39

LDN1 · 15/06/2022 21:32

You can be patronising / interfering AND right... all at the same time.

It's not one or the other.

Your conscience should be clear.

I think it's even more of a mixture!!

Patronising and interfering
Right about the muslin
Wrong about the snoozeshade (as PP has pointed out)
Wrong about the dog

@JanisMoplin It turns out the best thing to do is simply leave the pram uncovered but in the shade and essentially avoid taking the baby out in extreme heat or on hot days between 11-3....I think!

OP posts:
AllyCatTown · 15/06/2022 21:39

I must be a pretty easy going mother because I can’t relate to taking offence at things like this. I don’t think I know it all.

i agree with others that it does sound like you’re selling a product and I might have not got your point and think just being direct would have been clearer. That said she was rude.

Summerfun54321 · 15/06/2022 21:40

The world needs interfering people that stick up for the little guy and stand up for what’s right. They’re the same people that step in and rescue strangers being beaten up, chase down criminals and do other random acts of kindness when some people would just walk by.

ToughLover · 15/06/2022 21:41

You are not being unreasonable. We have that motherly instinct and pick up on things which other ladies may take in a way we do not intend. Don’t worry too much, you were trying to help and she was defensive, she may have something going on and that comment was the final straw. People get very funny when religion is involved.

ShirleyPhallus · 15/06/2022 21:43

SmartCarDriver · 15/06/2022 21:12

Why had the childminder not called an ambulance, left a child out in heat that long? I presume you no longer use her?

Show quote history

Why didn’t the poster call an ambulance for her unconscious child?!

SmartCarDriver · 15/06/2022 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Except she was t a thick mirin and OP was wrong!

Original poster
swimmingwiththefishes · 15/06/2022 21:49

We were both wrong! And yes, if I see her tomorrow I will approach her and say thanks to our convo yesterday it's been pointed out to me that the snoozeshade also isn't safe.

She'll probably tell me to fuck off again but I'd love to be really brave and ask her where she got her jumpsuit from as it had pink dinosaurs on it and looked fabulous.... but I think we're passed that conversation now.

OP posts:
LetitiaLeghorn · 15/06/2022 21:50

The messenger always gets shot. It doesn't mean the message is wrong, but maybe you should look for a safer delivery.

SmartCarDriver · 15/06/2022 21:51

swimmingwiththefishes · 15/06/2022 21:49

We were both wrong! And yes, if I see her tomorrow I will approach her and say thanks to our convo yesterday it's been pointed out to me that the snoozeshade also isn't safe.

She'll probably tell me to fuck off again but I'd love to be really brave and ask her where she got her jumpsuit from as it had pink dinosaurs on it and looked fabulous.... but I think we're passed that conversation now.

If you're going at the same time. don't take the dog!

LadyHelenaJustina · 15/06/2022 21:51

You were quite right to tell them about the dangers.

diddl · 15/06/2022 21:52

I've just looked at a snoozeshade & they look to me as if they fit relatively tightly.

I would have thought that draped muslins would be more airy.

SmartCarDriver · 15/06/2022 21:53

LadyHelenaJustina · 15/06/2022 21:51

You were quite right to tell them about the dangers.

Without researching that she was also putting her own child in danger?

Original poster
swimmingwiththefishes · 15/06/2022 21:53

@SmartCarDriver 😂

I'll make you a deal...I'll update this post at the NORMAL TIME I usually take DDog out on hot days (as DH is back tonight) and I'll even post a photo of the lovable pooch in his favourite river?

OP posts:
SmartCarDriver · 15/06/2022 21:59

swimmingwiththefishes · 15/06/2022 21:53

@SmartCarDriver 😂

I'll make you a deal...I'll update this post at the NORMAL TIME I usually take DDog out on hot days (as DH is back tonight) and I'll even post a photo of the lovable pooch in his favourite river?

I'll do you a deal, DON"T post in passive aggressive (because you've made a fool of yourself) upper case and I won't!

Also DON"T sell your dangerous contraption on eBay.

Goingforarun · 15/06/2022 22:03

At the beach I told a man he was traumatising his little daughter, kept dragging her into the sea out of her depth and she was crying ‘I’m gonna die I’m gonna die’. He didn’t like my interference, I got pretty much the same response but in a few minutes when I looked back they were out of the water. you did the right thing.

Swipe left for the next trending thread