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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To approach this mum with this warning?

365 replies

swimmingwiththefishes · 15/06/2022 17:20

Ok so I would NEVER normally approach a mum and 'point something out' BUT,

It's a hot day here (26 when I went to the park earlier) and I took the dog out for a walk in my local park. Took DS2 who's 6 months.

As I walked around the park and across some fields, there were two mums sat having a picnic of some sorts in the sun (no shade).

One of the mums obviously had a baby for a nap in the pram (I assume baby as bassinet attachment). To create some shade she had taken two muslins and draped them over the opening of the bassinet and clipped them with pram clips across the openings.

I'm pretty sure that this creates a hothouse type effect and can be quite dangerous. I actually had DS2 also napping and had a snuzshade draped over to stop the sunlight creeping in (black thin material with air holes to create shade but let the air flow).

I ummed and errd but decided I had to say something so really thought about the least offensive way to say it (I'm sure I could have found better!!).

Below is the convo. My friend thinks I was totally out of order to do this but I think I couldn't in good conscious not say anything

Me; gosh, it's soooo hot today isn't it? Nice to have some sun but poor little ones get so hot
Mum: oh yes, we're enjoying being able to get some sun!
Me: I'm not sure if it's helpful but I've found these snuzshade things really good as they let the air in so much more lightweight and breathable than muslins.
Mum: what do you mean?
Me: sorry, it's just I've read that muslins don't let the air through so can make babies hotter so I just thought I'd mention how great I've found this product as not sure if you're aware?
Mum: tell you what? Why don't you fuck right off and leave us the fuck alone
Me: ok, I'm literally trying to stop your child from overheating, that's all. Look it up.

I told my friend about the above convo and she said I probably came across as patronising and interfering. Yup, I probably did come across like that but that poor baby was probably roasting in there!

I'm sure I could have approached it better but WIBU?

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 15/06/2022 19:51

swimmingwiththefishes · 15/06/2022 19:28

@ShirleyPhallus There absolutely is as I've quoted twice: increase in temp of 13 degrees in the sun. Increase risks of SIDS...

And as I said, muslin was clipped tightly around all sides.

And I’ve said it’s absolutely fine IF THERE IS AIR to get through. I think it’s utterly stupid to leave your baby covered in anything (including the MLM-like snoozeshade) in the direct sunlight but keeping a muslin secured from the top of the hood to the handle to create a parasol effect with the sides uncovered is absolutely fine

Peoplepissmeoff · 15/06/2022 19:52

TakeMeToYourLiar · 15/06/2022 17:24

I mean you should t have been walking your dog in that heat either so…

My thoughts exactly!!!

ImpartialMongoose · 15/06/2022 19:52

Ace56 · 15/06/2022 19:37

Oh for the love of God!

Just came on to comment on the dog thing - people saying 26 degrees is ‘too hot’ to walk a dog. For goodness sake, what do you think dogs do in the majority of the world (which is hotter than the UK?) Do they all just keel over from heatstroke? I’ve just come back from Mexico and there are dogs everywhere, half feral, just wandering around happily. It’s over 26 degrees there every day for most of the year! Fair enough maybe don’t go on a massive hike or run a marathon with your dog, but a simple walk? Honestly.

Anyway OP, YANBU for approaching her.

Tell that to vets (the experts). They treat dogs every year for heatstroke and many of them die, horrifically. I myself have seen a dog die of heatstroke. Dogs in hotter countries are acclimatised to heat, and it takes a dogs body a very long time to acclimatise, dogs who aren't acclimatised are at very great risk.

Axahooxa · 15/06/2022 19:52

YANBU

I have been really mixed up trying to decide how to have that conversation when I see thick blankets covering the whole pram. I’ve chickened out before so I really admire your bravery.

you did the right thing looking out for a baby.

Stroopwaffels · 15/06/2022 19:53

I think you're going to have to refine your pitch a bi before you go on Dragons Den.

IncompleteSenten · 15/06/2022 19:54

People generally don't react well when they feel they're being criticised.

I'd still rather try to help and be told to fuck off than say nothing and worst case scenario read about the baby in the local rag and know I just walked past but maybe could have said something that helped.

925XX · 15/06/2022 19:59

Its difficult to know what to do for the best. I understand why you did say something.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 15/06/2022 20:01

Ace56 · 15/06/2022 19:37

Oh for the love of God!

Just came on to comment on the dog thing - people saying 26 degrees is ‘too hot’ to walk a dog. For goodness sake, what do you think dogs do in the majority of the world (which is hotter than the UK?) Do they all just keel over from heatstroke? I’ve just come back from Mexico and there are dogs everywhere, half feral, just wandering around happily. It’s over 26 degrees there every day for most of the year! Fair enough maybe don’t go on a massive hike or run a marathon with your dog, but a simple walk? Honestly.

Anyway OP, YANBU for approaching her.

Dogs in Mexico are well used to the heat as it's hot all-year round. Dogs in the UK are not.

Dogs die every year in this country because owners don't realise how dangerous it is to walk their dogs in hot weather. The risk of heatstroke in a healthy dog kicks in at 24 degrees. For older dogs, puppies and flat-faced breeds, the limit is even lower - around 18-21 degrees.

decayingmatter · 15/06/2022 20:01

Clymene · 15/06/2022 18:06

You took your dog out in 26 degrees and you were lecturing other people?

ConfusedShockShockShock

Isn't it! What an absolute liberty! But it's ok apparently because she had workmen in the house and usually goes earlier (as if that's any use to the poor overheated dog today).

Oh well, as long as she feels superior. Even though the product she uses is almost as bad as the method the other parent used.

ItsLisaLou · 15/06/2022 20:02

Not sure about the authenticity of this thread… this definitely isn’t an ad for the shuzshade?

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 15/06/2022 20:04

You had to make a split decision about whether to ignore something you thought was potentially life-threatening or speak up, and if speak, how to do it in a non-patronising way. I think you did a good job, and she was really BU to swear at you.

Original poster
swimmingwiththefishes · 15/06/2022 20:04

ShirleyPhallus · 15/06/2022 18:22

A Muslin is absolutely fine to use as shade. If she had a sheepskin liner with a thick fleece blanket over the top and you could see a thermos of soup sticking out the bassinet then maybe.

Glad everyone else has pointed out the hypocrisy of the dog walk!

I was referring to this earlier post. But yes, not draped over the opening and with lots of air then it should be ok 👌🏻

OP posts:
Kazoola · 15/06/2022 20:04

Muslins over prams really embolden people to interfere. Assuming that the parent a. Hasn't already weighed up the risk and made a decision and b. Isn't monitoring the temp of their baby in any way. Really rude. I wouldn't have sworn but I'd have ridiculed your pomposity.

LadyApplejack · 15/06/2022 20:06

I'm a bit torn - you're right about the muslins and you obviously meant well, but I can see how it would have seemed like interfering. I think the reaction from the mother was totally OTT either way!

MRex · 15/06/2022 20:06

ItsLisaLou · 15/06/2022 20:02

Not sure about the authenticity of this thread… this definitely isn’t an ad for the shuzshade?

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm just a person who thought it was a great product because it worked. My job is IT/ legal, so certainly not related. There are bound to be alternatives, I don't work in baby stuff so I don't know what they are.

decayingmatter · 15/06/2022 20:06

swimmingwiththefishes · 15/06/2022 18:44

Have we reached 'cancel the cheque' peak status yet?

You can hardly get snippy about unsolicited advice when the whole point of your thread is about you wanting to justify giving out unsolicited advice. Posters are only educating you, just like you were helpfully trying to educate the lady today

Bethany7 · 15/06/2022 20:10

O.P. I'm shocked at the negative comments. You absolutely did the right thing as babies have literally died because people don't realise this. You were doing right by the baby.
I'm sorry the mum was so rude to you. Let's hope she did go home and Google what you said though. Well done for speaking up. It was one of those situations that you feel uncomfortable but have a moral duty to almost. I think if you didn't say anything you would feel guilty and be worrying now. So many good mums do not know this fact and we need to be sharing it.

BaaCake · 15/06/2022 20:12

decayingmatter · 15/06/2022 20:06

You can hardly get snippy about unsolicited advice when the whole point of your thread is about you wanting to justify giving out unsolicited advice. Posters are only educating you, just like you were helpfully trying to educate the lady today

Show quote history

Yes I too found this ironic.

SherbetDips · 15/06/2022 20:13

You are right of course but it’s not your business to tell others how to parent.

Darbs76 · 15/06/2022 20:14

She might have thought you were trying to sell something. Probably better to just keep out of it

skybluee · 15/06/2022 20:15

God, what a nasty woman. There's ways to handle things and that's not telling someone to fuck off!

ShirleyPhallus · 15/06/2022 20:16

Bethany7 · 15/06/2022 20:10

O.P. I'm shocked at the negative comments. You absolutely did the right thing as babies have literally died because people don't realise this. You were doing right by the baby.
I'm sorry the mum was so rude to you. Let's hope she did go home and Google what you said though. Well done for speaking up. It was one of those situations that you feel uncomfortable but have a moral duty to almost. I think if you didn't say anything you would feel guilty and be worrying now. So many good mums do not know this fact and we need to be sharing it.

Could you give a source for your claim that “babies have literally died” doing this? I’ve just googled and while the advice is not to do it as it COULD be fatal, there are no articles that give actual examples of this happening?

Whoatealltheminieggs · 15/06/2022 20:17

Someone pointed something similar out to me once. I was pleased for the info. Embarrassed I hadn’t known but pleased regardless. It’s always difficult when you see things like this. You made a brave call with good intentions. I wouldn’t let the fact the mum kicked off make you feel bad.

Tilltheend99 · 15/06/2022 20:19

BiscoffSundae · 15/06/2022 17:23

I see so many parents do this, even thick blankets clicked on but I wouldn’t say anything personally

It is a tough one but people smash in car windows for a dog (rightly so) so why not warn people about covering prams?

According to the lullaby trust, overheating a baby by covering a pram can increase the risk of sids www.lullabytrust.org.uk/the-lullaby-trust-urges-parents-to-keep-babies-cool-during-the-heatwave/

WeAreBob · 15/06/2022 20:20

You should not have been walking your dog in that heat. I didnt any further than that because you were obviously about to go on about telling someone off for having their kid out in the heat when you should not have had your dog out.