To approach this mum with this warning?

[swimmingwiththefishes]

Ok so I would NEVER normally approach a mum and 'point something out' BUT,

It's a hot day here (26 when I went to the park earlier) and I took the dog out for a walk in my local park. Took DS2 who's 6 months.

As I walked around the park and across some fields, there were two mums sat having a picnic of some sorts in the sun (no shade).

One of the mums obviously had a baby for a nap in the pram (I assume baby as bassinet attachment). To create some shade she had taken two muslins and draped them over the opening of the bassinet and clipped them with pram clips across the openings.

I'm pretty sure that this creates a hothouse type effect and can be quite dangerous. I actually had DS2 also napping and had a snuzshade draped over to stop the sunlight creeping in (black thin material with air holes to create shade but let the air flow).

I ummed and errd but decided I had to say something so really thought about the least offensive way to say it (I'm sure I could have found better!!).

Below is the convo. My friend thinks I was totally out of order to do this but I think I couldn't in good conscious not say anything

Me; gosh, it's soooo hot today isn't it? Nice to have some sun but poor little ones get so hot
Mum: oh yes, we're enjoying being able to get some sun!
Me: I'm not sure if it's helpful but I've found these snuzshade things really good as they let the air in so much more lightweight and breathable than muslins.
Mum: what do you mean?
Me: sorry, it's just I've read that muslins don't let the air through so can make babies hotter so I just thought I'd mention how great I've found this product as not sure if you're aware?
Mum: tell you what? Why don't you fuck right off and leave us the fuck alone
Me: ok, I'm literally trying to stop your child from overheating, that's all. Look it up.

I told my friend about the above convo and she said I probably came across as patronising and interfering. Yup, I probably did come across like that but that poor baby was probably roasting in there!

I'm sure I could have approached it better but WIBU?

YANBU in my opinion. It smarts to be told you're doing something risky or inadvisable at any time when you've been trying to do 'right', never moreso than in motherhood, but you need to at least listen and hopefully she's gone away and done some research. She was a rude idiot.

But let’s face it, if it was a dog in a covered dog pram Mumsnetters would have probably called the police.

My mum thought I was being OTT about stuff 20 years ago when my DC were babies. But it never once occurred to me not to drape something over the pram on a hot/very sunny day. I dare say that I'll be thinking my DC are OTT in due course, too.

I don't think the other mother should have told you to fuck off, though, OP. If you had said this to me, OP, I would have been completely nonplussed and would have muttered "oh, ok, thanks", or some such, then carried on doing what I was doing. I'd just have thought you were either a busybody or a bit mad, but neither of those is any reason to swear at a stranger.

I'd have thought you were trying to sell something.....heart in right place maybe, but approach not good....and yes poor dog

Thread is 11 pages long but FWIW I did this today - hood of pram has gaps all around where is attaches to rest of pram and the muslin doesn’t cover all of the hood opening. So I’d risk assessed it myself. Third child. Maybe this woman had too. She was vile the way she spoke to you though!

I think it’s the fact you sidled in with the “haha, boy is it hot today, well well well” and tricked them into “just mums, having some mum chat in the sun” conversation. If you’re going to be a busybody, own it! A straightforward drive-by piece of advice, then onwards.

I think you were fine to do what you did, but people don't like to be told they are doing something wrong, especially parenting! But at least you know you tried and hopefully she will do some research if the muslins are in fact bad for creating a hothouse.

Oh my god so that chart actually shows that muslins are safer than your snooze shade? 🤣 whoops OP!

You seem irritated at being corrected about the dog? Why's that?

Hmm I think maybe people are getting confused about what the dangers or covering a pram are. It’s not that baby will necessarily get heatstroke or die of heat, it’s that sleeping in increased temperature increases the risk of SIDS just as in a hot cot or car seat. The idea is to keep the area as cool as possible, ideally 20c or less. If choosing to cover the pram while baby sleeps maybe take mitigating steps like removing a layer of baby’s clothing or attaching a pram fan to increase air circulation.

it’s really hot here tonight, I’m going to try and get some fans on myself.

Maybe for the same reason as many of us? Because the OP's not about the F-ing dog! (who can look after himself in hot weather infinitely more easily than the baby)

When posters respond ONLY to reference the dog, and ignoring the actual subject of the OP, they look bonkers.

@SmartCarDriver I'm not irritated. I have accepted this and at no point said it was the right thing to do. But I knew it was the only opportunity and knew he would be mostly walking in the river so decided as a one off it'd be ok. And if another dog walkerhad stopped me and pointed this out, I wouldn't have told them to fuck off...as I have said before

What is irritating me is people are saying BECAUSE I did not have 'hands clean' I therefore had no right to approach this mum. I disagree. And whilst I admit my wording was clumsy, I think warning someone of how dangerous this is (just as another dog walker may have rightly said this to me) is not unreasonable

Do you not agree?

I always knew there was a reason I loved you @saraclara

But the little chart you posted shows that your shade thing is just as dangerous, if not more so.

You recommended her something even more dangerous.
You had a dog out in heat it should not have been in, regardless of walking in a river.

And then you told her to do some research!! Why don't you? You clearly didn't actually research the thing you were

Sorry you should your ignorance about dog walking in heat early on!

Perhaps the other mother only had muslins today and not some commercial MLM contraption and decided as a one off it was ok?

Don't give unsolicited advise, unless you're happy to take it!

What is irritating me is people are saying BECAUSE I did not have 'hands clean' I therefore had no right to approach this mum. I disagree.

It's not about having "no right to approach her" - it's the fact that telling her off when you were doing something equally as dangerous (if not more dangerous) just made you look pretty silly and is probably part of the reason why she told you to fuck off.

Don't judge her if you don't want people to judge you back 😉

*the thing you were using. You didnt stop and consider your dog's safety.
You bought something because of clever marketing. You wanted a walk to took your poor dog out when it should not have been out. And then you went preaching to someone else.

Honestly, you should feel a bit embarrassed.

What happened to using clip on parasols to give shade over the pram?

I'm not sure this is quite the 'gotcha' you think it is? I was the one that posted the image of the chart as it surprised me too! I then thanked the poster who pointed it out to me and said from now on I'd leave the pram uncovered

Isn't that what normal people do? When someone points you to some information you were unaware of that is helpful, you say thanks and adjust your actions? I didn't know this earlier today...I do now and will change what I do because of it.

I find it really interesting that you clearly find it unreasonable that this woman in the park rejected your advice when she was putting her baby at risk and yet simultaneously have been defensive in respect of your own incredibly poor skills in looking after the welfare of another living being.

I have never met anyone who thinks it's acceptable to walk a dog in 26'C, no matter how much you try and minimise it (you had a drs appt like wtf as if it's relevant?!). A simple Google or indeed some research would show you that you should not be walking a dog in anything above 20'C and considerably less depending on the breed (eg bulldog breeds would be lower)

If that chart had gone with a comment of,

"You know what? I fucked up. I've bought a stupid thing and actually was wrong and shouldn't have been telling someone else off. I also really shouldnt have had my dog out; no excuse for that. Today was a bit of a fail really,"

then that would be the end of it. But you've made excuse after excuse about the dog because you cant seem to just say you screwed up and now know not to take the dog out like that again. Even in the mornings on hot days, you don't take the dog out.

You were correct to not ignore it and gentle in your approach. The mother was disgusting in her response. What is wrong with people these days!

@swimmingwiththefishes well go back tomorrow and thank them? They've done you a favour, saving you money or ridiculous contraptions as well!

it's the fact that telling her off when you were doing something equally as dangerous (if not more dangerous)

More dangerous? Seriously? A overheating helpless baby or a dog who can indicate and take its own kind of action if it gets too hot?

You've got that wrong! Read the post properly, you look a bigger fool than the Op!

I dont understand how people can not research things related to their children.

I also thought it was commonly known that blankets over prams is a huge no no.