To expect help with our child

[Dotty08]

Ok so partner goes to work 8-4, walks the dog in the evening mostly (I do it sometimes), tidies the kitchen , loads the dishwasher and baths baby.
everything else I do. Including looking after our 9 month old baby. Expressing breast milk 9 times a day.
he’s NEVER done a night wake up with the baby. He plays with the baby but that’s it. He doesn’t feed, change, dress, anything else.
he loves our dd it’s plain to see he’s lovely with her and makes her laugh but that’s it.
it’s left me feeling really resentful and every time I say anything he turns it on me saying I’m nagging and picking at him nothing he does is good enough. AIBU to expect more?

@4thtimethecharm I really hope everything goes well for you and your baby

Very happy to be subsequently deleted if first I get to tell you that you are an idiot. You're also clearly a mug for having put up with such horrendous treatment from your OH if this is the kind of nonsense you spout. Thankfully there are plenty of us women out there expecting and enjoying better

Sadly yes. I've seen a few friends who's husbands don't even do the bare minimum unfortunately.

I think it's fair to say @Hallyup89 is trolling.

He won't give her medication or a drink. I am speechless !!!

What was he like before the baby was born? Has he ever shared housework fairly?

There is so much wrong with this post but, as a man, I'd get throw into the fire pit for mansplaining if I said anything more - there's no winning on MN!

I did exclusive pumping for six months after our son left NICU, but I only pumped every four hours rather than three hours (so six pumps per day). One thing that worked for us in terms of DH involvement/bonding was that he bottle-fed our son on previously pumped milk, while I sat nearby and pumped for a future feed.

Yep, that's right, and there's apparently several posters here who think he should be up for Man of The Year. MN has hit a new low with this thread. It's a damning indictment of where we really are as a species with this kind of nonsense

I don’t understand when some women come on here and say thier DP doesn’t do any feeds or changes any nappies. Literally how??

If you’re in the shower and the baby’s done a poo, will he just leave it until you can change the baby yourself? What happens if you’re in the kitchen and you ask him to change the baby’s nappy? I just don’t get it

have you asked him when you need something done? I’m a SAHM at the moment and my DH does more at weekends but during the week I will ask him to bath, feed etc if I’m exhausted (or if I just can’t be bothered 🙊)

”Help” or co-parent?

@pedropony76 I think some men do yes. It's disgusting

How can you know that? Many babies with heart conditions are very slow to move to solids. And OP, he needs to get across the medications. You both need to be up to speed with this in case you're unable to give them for amy reason. As for the other stuff, he needs to do more.

She shouldn’t be asking him. That’s just assuming she’s the default parent and everything is her responsibility unless he chooses to “help”. She needs to tell him that he isn’t doing a fair share of parenting their child.

So your advice is basically wait until the OP goes back to work and see if DH magically becomes able to do this stuff. Honestly I do despair of this type of comment. He needs to step up now.

...turns it on me saying I’m nagging and picking at him nothing he does is good enough

....this is like the default response from many a male species. Drives me nuts!

YANBU!!!
and how you feed your baby is your choice and your business.

Planning ahead: when your baby is off childcare with illness (it happens regularly)- he’ll have to play his part. I would recommend having a proper conversation about this and how you’ll decide who has the day/s off each time.

Think a very serious conversation is needed here. He doesn’t get to pick and choose what to do that suits him and know that you’ll pick everything else up! He emptied the dishwasher and walks the dog, big deal!! He’s not a babysitter, he’s a parent and has to start acting like one! And why won’t he feed/give essential medicine etc? Is he scared he’ll do it wrong? If so, then as much as it’s annoying u have to sit him down and show him. I appreciate uv tried to chat already but making YOU feel guilty is way too manipulative for me! Get him told what he needs to help with but be prepared to stand ur ground if he doesn’t agree regardless of what that consequence is! If u say ur not going to do x, y and z for baby then stick to it, make him be the parent u need him to be! Also think long term, can u see this situation continuing once u return to work? When it’s even harder to find the time to run a house, be mum/partner and ensure everything that’s essential is done! If not then I’d seriously consider ur options for changing it. Good luck x

Just get up on Saturday, say I'm going out for the day.
This is your child as much as mine.
I haven't had a day off for x months.
Everything you need is written down (times, meds, etc) so he can't claim ignorance.
Rinse and repeat.
He'll learn fast enough.

pedropony76 yes leave baby in poo so Mum learns not to leave him ‘babysitting’. See threads where women are getting up at 5am to shower before baby wakes or don’t even have time to shower.
Are there any support groups for parents with baby with this condition? He’s either not caring for her as he’s a waste of space or possibly more going on linked to her illness - is he scared he’ll hurt her, do it wrong etc.

You have seriously put up with this bollocks for 9 months? How on earth does he think he can get away with not even feeding/changing your child? Absolutely absurd 😫 And far too many women just accept this.

I think the medication thing in particular is really awful, it's essential that he gives her that as needed. I don't care if he's 'scared', he's her parent, he shouldn't have the choice to duck out of this....if you were held up somewhere or had to go into hospital for something, what would he do?? You can't be scared of medicating your own child.

I also feel that even during mat leave he could do some of the night work, even just one or two nights a week, so you can get some proper sleep. Constant sleep deprivation is not conducive to good parenting and if your baby has a health condition it's even more important that whoever is with her is alert.

He is one lazy cunt, a shit dad that can't meet his own child's most basic needs, thus he makes sure you are always on call and dare not leave your baby with him for long. He is a terrible partner, happy to watch his wife exhaust herself and calling her a nag to stop her complaining. I doubt he will improve, such men are misogynists and believe child care and housework are for women to do while important men go out to work and sit on the sofa at home. I would not do one single thing for him until he does his share of child care. Make sure this lazy bastard pays his share of child care fees when you go back to work. Then start saving for your leaving the fucker fund.

"Medication is actually best left to one person so that mistakes are not made with timing or dosage."

No both parents need to know the regime and be used to giving it. You check with each other about who is/ will give it and keep a record if it is difficult to remember.