To not want to drive my friends car

[Sundaycoffee]

I am going on holiday next week with friends (within the UK).
The holiday is booked and paid for and we were going to use my friends car to do the 4 hour drive.
I am the only other driver in the party of 4 and now it has been sprung upon me that the drive needs to be split between me and my friend.
I drive a small car and hers is bigger so it's not an option to use mine and generally I am quite nervous in cars I am not familiar with, especially for such a long drive.
I would honestly rather drive the full way in my own car but it is not big enough for us all to fit in.
I have mentioned that I really don't feel comfortable driving the car. There will also be two other people plus a dog in the car.
We did a trip earlier this year year and I drove us there and back (albeit a shorter 2 hour journey each way) so it's not like I haven't done my share before.

Since I've mentioned it my other friend attending (non driver!) She has told me I'm being unreasonable and it's not fair to expect me not to split the drive and its caused a bit of awkwardness.

I just wish this had been discussed before booking and now I feel a little trapped into doing something I don't feel comfortable doing.

AIBU?

Everyone saying its not a big issue....YOU might not have an issue witn driving all different types of cars but can't you put yourself in the position whereby you ARE being asked to do something you're not comfortable with and is new to tou (public speaking/coasteering/first aid) and imagine someone saying to you
"Why are you being so pathetic? You know how to talk so just go out there and give a speech to those 300 people." "You know how to swim so just jump off this big rock into the sea"
"Um...Can't I have a practice first?"
"No just do it, I've done it lots of times and it's easy, if you're scared it's pathetic!"

I have driven a lot of different cars (drive for work so used to not knowing what I'll be driving for 4 hours until I get the keys that day) and its true that most people can drive most cars....but it is also true that a manual fiesta handles pretty fucking differently to an automatically range rover and most people need a little while to get used to it....and it's really not ideal for that first "little while" to be pulling out of a service station straight onto a motorway with 2/3 other people and dogs in the car! All it takes is for OP to accidentally press the wrong button (e.g. one car I drove had a button for a handbreak!) and she's caused a pile up for which her friends car isn't even insured! Great idea....

Also as a caveat to that, as a very short person there were one or two cars i was given that I physically could not drive safely because I couldn't adjust the seat enough, which is why I've said most cars, not all.

personally I'd be happy either driving 4 hours OR driving someone else's car but I am fully aware there are other things other people would find easy I would be absolutely terrified and terrible at, so why be a dick just because you are a confident driver?

If you do agree to share the driving, you need to negotiate that you’ll do a motorway/ dual carriageway stretch in the middle, services to services- we do this, as I don’t like driving DH’s car.

Your friend needs to add you as a named driver to her policy, and you need to see this because as the driver you hold responsibility for what happens.

TBH I would offer to drive my own car , split the passengers / luggage for more comfortable journeys. Insurance cost vs increased fuel costs may well balance out. 4 hours with a break in the middle should be manageable.

Yanbu and I'm shocked anyone thinks yabu. You don't know the car. It be my worse nightmare and I know it be alot of others. Why they think you driving as well. What do the none drivers think should happen

OP, your feelings and opinions are as important as everyone else's.

Another solution: you could offer to do all the driving in your car like you did before. Maybe the non-drivers could get the train?

You need to get familiar with the car, so she needs to make time for you to do that - a couple of sessions -don’t let her bat that off.

But other than that - I can totally understand you feeling nervous, but it will do you the world of good to do it.

It’s so easy to let our lives shrink as we get older, by being too sacred to do quite straight forward things.

Feeling nervous is normal, with a bit of prep it shouldn’t put you off doing it. It won’t be anywhere near as hard as you think - cars aren’t all that different these days. She can jump in to do any parking.

In this situation I'd explain I didn't feel comfortable driving the larger car and offer to do the motorway sections, which IME anyway, vehicle size makes very little difference to.

In our group we always have 2 drivers but it's always prearranged and we have a pool of drivers to choose from

I understand OP, there is no way I would drive a bigger car than my own. I would not feel confident, it would give me immense anxiety and I don't give a shit if that makes me sound like a weirdo.
I am too long in the tooth to put myself in uncomfortable situations that affect my mental health. It might not be a huge deal to some people but it would be for me and you know what? That is ok! Not everyone is the same. OP, I am sure you could do things that others on here would be terrified to do. Making less of your fear of driving another car is bang out of order, it is a real fear and it is valid.

Ignore the gobshites saying you are unreasonable and you are not driving a bus.......the sheer dismissal of how you feel and trying to make you look stupid is unnecessary.

Funny how some people think OP is unreasonable for not wanting to drive a larger car, new to her and full of passengers, yet the owner of the larger car is apparently not unreasonable for being unwilling to drive four hours.

And I'm not sure I would trust the others to contribute to any cost if the car got damaged for any reason.

I get where you are coming from as I drive little manual and it took a lot to try driving husband’s big automatic. I’m not keen.
I wouldn’t contemplate it without her sorting you as fully comp on hers and clarifying who will pay excess if you crash it. Don’t drive it third party. Why risk it. You crash her car she’s lost thousands and may look to you to cover it. If it’s financed/leased it probably requires fully comp insurance anyway.
What about alloys etc - if you scrape an alloy parking is she the sort to want it fixing.
Has it got parking sensors?
If it’s insured then if you feel like it you could have a try and see.
If not I’d say sharing driving wasn’t mentioned when you booked. You drive all way last time and chauffeured around when there do you assumed same this time.
Is train an option?
I’d give short shift to the none drivers. It’s cheeky assuming you’ll drive. Tell them to get a provisional your friend can stick L plates on and they can all take a turn.

This is the best get out clause OP - it used to be the case that all fully comp car insurance included a clause to drive other cars but this is no longer the case and it needs to be specifically stated in your cover, so tell them youve looked and it isnt and will cost xx to add on (higher insurance and admin fee). Google confused.com driving other cars on your car insurance (sorry cant link on phone) if you want a link to show them

FGS why can't you just TALK to your FRIENDS?

If you know these people well enough to go away together, surely you know them well enough to say 'hey, I am a bit worried about driving a much bigger car im not familiar with, with people in it potentially distracting me... can I have a practice in your car before we go and if possible, could I do the motorway driving and you do the about town/parking driving'.

It is scary doing new things, but here you do need to have a bit of gumption I think - you don't KNOW that you don't like driving larger cars or THIS car because you haven't actually tried it. You might love it.

What you won't love is a holiday where you're worried and anxious and feel like your friends don't understand why!

And say if I had an accident in her car, would my insurance premiums increase on my own car?
If you have an accident driving there is goes on your driving record, so it will affect your own insurance premium whatever car you were driving.
To be legal you must have it in writing that she really has put you on her policy, so that if you are stopped for any reason you can show you are legal to drive that car.

Could you drive up separately in your own car? There’s no real reason why you should all have to travel together.

Emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm she did!!

Since I've mentioned it my other friend attending (non driver!) She has told me I'm being unreasonable and it's not fair to expect me not to split the drive and its caused a bit of awkwardness

When it’s not your car it’s different. I damage mine it’s up to me if I fix it or live with it. No one shouts at me.
I was doing DH a favour once, marked his alloy we had an argument and I never drove his car again on principle. I didn’t even go on insurance for several years. I am on his latest car as insurance was lots cheaper with me on and have driven it a handful of times but I’m not comfortable it’s very different (massive, automatic, everything is automatic - why are you touching wipers/lights etc err in my car you have to turn them on. There’s not even a key for ignition. That’s just with him in not 3 women, 2 dogs on an unfamiliar road. It’s safer to say I’m not comfortable

I added BIL to mine for 2 weeks years ago and it was £80. Get her to check how much to add you and I bet that stops it - cost plus admin fee won’t be cheap. I’d ask her to email policy not just say she’s done it.

If you're going to drive her car (and I can understand the apprehension if you're used to a significantly smaller car) make sure:

• the other driver does the start and end of the journey and you do the middle bit where you're less likely to have complicated directions and corners, so do 2 stops rather than just 1, even if it's to just swap drivers. I'm sure the dog will appreciate a wee stop.
• make sure you have appropriate insurance cover. Your insurance, if you've even got cover to drive other cars (some don't) will likely only cover you for damage to other people's cars. You'd then have to (if it was your fault) come to an arrangement with your friend to pay for repairs - it's just not worth the risk IMO. Imagine if you wrote it off?! Your friend should add you as a named driver on their policy. It's then up to them to decide whether the extra cost for doing this is worth it. If they won't pay, then you need them to confirm in writing that they won't come after you if something should happen to their car while you're driving it.
• If you do drive it, make it clear to the others that "I'm not used to driving a car this big so please let me know if I'm getting too close to the edge on either side"

I used to have to drive different hire cars as part of my job.

It gave me zero joy or sense of achievement. I hated every minute of it and couldn't wait to get out of the damned thing. The time I was given a Citroen Picasso ( one of those huge people carrier things) was one of the worst two days of my life)

One of the best things about being older is the ability to recognise your limits- I'd simply refuse to do that for work any more and ask for a taxi same as any non driver.

I am perfectly ok driving my own car and if I have to would drive a small rental car provided on same side of road, but otherwise nope not doing it.

You must check with your insurance what you're allowed to do.

Your friend is wrong, you can't just jump in her car and drive.

What an idiot. She'll be the first to be demanding money off you the moment things go wrong too, by the sounds of things...

Anyway, you could use the insurance as an excuse.

Or you could just "come down" with covid.... I wouldn't want to go now anyway. Your friends don't sound like great friends after all....

I don't see why it needs the two of you to drive, it's only 4 hours. But presumably you'll be taking a motorway so you can do a stint then. Fair enough if you don't want to drive through a medieval town in big car and park it but it's just a car.

Honestly sometimes I read this site and wonder how some people manage everyday life. Have you never had to drive another car for work or a hire car? Or when your car's been at a garage. Or just had a borrow someone's car to do something. What if you wanted to hire a van for some reason. Why are people so lacking in confidence over everyday tasks?

We've just bought a new car (new to us) and as my DP was leaving one morning I said I was going to do XY and Z that day, he said "Do you know how the car works?" I said "No, but I'll figure it out" And I did, because it's not a spaceship.

Second, if you get in the bigger car and try it out you'll most likely be fine but since you're being pressured into driving someone else's car I would say no way, I'll take my own car thanks. Your friends are being overly dramatic, there is zero need to split a four hour drive between drivers anyway. I went on holiday with a friend and drove the both of us around another country for a week - we went halves on fuel & car hire, and that was that. She has a license but didn't feel comfortable driving on the other side of the road. It wasn't an issue.

Make sure that you have full insurance. The concession allowing you to drive another car on your insurance only covers third party risks, so any damage to her car would not be covered.
You can get short-term cover quite cheaply online from firms like Day-Insure.

Blimey, they can’t manage 4 hours of driving ?

What an absolutely nasty thing to say, uncalled for.

Have no no fears? Nothing at all that you are nervous of or that would give you anxiety?

You are making OP out to be a fucking idiot because she feels uncomfortable and nervous driving a big car that is not her own.

You would be better out "figuring out" how not to be a complete arsehole.

Did you expect that they would drive the 8 hours plus all the driving around while you're there (like you did last time?)