What would you make of this message?

[Glittersparkle76]

My partner and I have been together on and off for nearly 10 years and we have a 9 year old daughter.He works away in hospitality and comes back to me and my daughter when he gets days off.I woke during the early hours and found this message he had sent,all lovely until I read the part when he said he had loved others more!,I thought WTAF??,why would you even need to say that to me?,are some things best left unsaid??.He's meant to be coming back late tonight for 3 days but now I feel like telling him to fuck off and don't bother!.Am I overreacting to this message?,I feel like I'm second,third or even fourth best now and don't think I will ever be able to get that comment out of my head.
Even if I felt in my past I had loved others more than I do him,I would never say that to him as I don't feel it needs to be said!.
I would love others opinions on this and how they would feel if their partner sent them this message.

Do you think he might trying to get all 'deep' and serious but doesn't have the words... Maybe had a drink, got all drunk-sentimental - pictures you in his mind and decides to write you a 'meaningful text'.

Are you sure the message wasn’t for someone else? 😬 and he accidentally sent it to you instead?

does seem like a odd message.

He is trying to say he loves you the most, it is the Right now that is odd, since he is also going on about your future together.
Texted him back, Sweet text but very confusing, what do you actually mean?

The fact that he is telling you that you should move because he is lonely, regardless of what it means to your daughters education or your lovely son's memorial is a massive, massive red flag to me.

That plus this bonkers emotionally twisted message would make me run a mile and not come back.

This really doesn't sound healthy at all.

Thankyou,and yes I did reply,il basically said that there was no need to sat that and now I will always feel 2nd or even 3rd best.Il post a pic of his reply.

Then I told him to just fuck off,and he replied do you really mean that?
Then
I hope not xx

I'd tell him to jog right on....
I hate to say it, but it sounds like he's been having his cake and eating it while he's been 'working' away.

He shouldnt have said those things. Sounds like he is saying he settled as you were the best option at the time and there is no one better on the horizon at present but he is not ruling it out of things don't go his way and you move to be with him. I think you know the relationship is not meant to be as you only refer to your daughter as ‘my daughter’ not ‘our daughter’. Also you would be the one giving everything up - your home, job, daughters schooling, sons grave and your financial independence. What has he given up or what would he be giving up. If tou moved and gave up work he could quickly trap and isolate you so became fully dependent on him. I think I would keep things as they are for you and give serious consideration to going solo once and for all

A ridiculous message, what was the point?? There's no need at all (especially after 10 years) to compare to exes.

It also sounds like he has loved others more but not ended up with them, so basically some sort of unrequited love. Does he like putting women on pedestals and when he's in an actual relationship, they become "real" and therefore the love feels more comfortable and less intense? In my experience of dating, a lot of men talk about "the buzz", excitement and not wanting to get too comfortable (I considered this a red flag but was definitely a theme).

Thankyou so much,yes I have,I've posted a pic a few mins back xx

A very strange message. I would be furious with him if he sent me that. Is there a past girl friend he is still in love with. Could he have randomly seen her before sending that message?

The multiple uses of 'right now' make me want to slap him hard.

I'm glad you've stood up to him. 💐

"Right now" is ringing in my ears. He just makes sure that he can tell at some point " I told you I loved you most right then, didn't promise it's for life".

I know this is a serious thread but this really made me laugh. 'In Bristol' 😳😂

I'm so sorry to hear about your son .

Dear me, tell him never to write anything other than a shopping list for the rest of his life.
Was he just trying to be too clever, reads too much drivel on FB maybe.
Tell him how unhappy it makes you feel.

I like your response OP good on you !
He should join an Amateur Dramatics group, it feels like he has too much time on his hands.

Repeating the ‘right now’ is just crass.

So sorry for the loss of your dear son
As pp said, you and your daughter have been through a lot and it would be hard to disrupt her schooling for a relationship it sounds like you are not sure about. I can appreciate how sad it would be to give up a house with so many memories, it would be like a second loss if you weren't ready and I do think that you would be wise to keep your independence for the sake of you and your DD whatever happens.

As for Sonnet Number 155.
It sounded to me like drunken ramblings, Brain thought "I'll send her an affectionate message" Brain couldn't handle the actual wording or doesn't really know what affectionate is and sent a weird mixed-up text more likely to offend than otherwise, that's if you give him the benefit of the doubt, either that or he what he thinks is affectionate is vastly different to reality.
And maybe it's good that he wasn't careful about what he said as it gives you a better insight into his real thinking. Only you know whether this is normal for him or out of character and whether you've had doubts about him before. I think it comes across poorly.

This "missive" opens everything up for discussion. He's got no excuse now not to explain himself properly and maybe it's a good time to assess whether this relationship is working for you.

So he was more in love with someone previously than he is with you but it was ages ago and that person didn’t even now about his feelings. Were they even ever in a relationship or was it an unrequited infatuation so not really comparable with your relationship. Either way the way he has handled you being upset is pretty crap. Especially if you have been together so long. Hardly an apology for hurting your feelings

I agree

It sounded, from the original message, confirmed by the update, like he was talking about unrequited love.

He said “I’ve never loved anyone more who I’ve ended up with.”

ie the others were infatuations that he didn’t end up in a relationship with.

That kind of love can be super intense because it’s never tested by reality.

Agree re the ‘right now’ …. He still shows that he loved someone else more before you and he might love someone else more at a later date. There’s no need to actually keep saying this to you, even if that’s how he feels he should keep it to himself. It’s like he’s literally goading you and winding you up deliberately.

Honestly OP, get some self respect and dump him.

Just seen the other message he sent. So he did actually apologise and it sounded genuine. And does sound as though he does love you

even in his reply he says 'right now'. I'm so sorry OP but he does not deserve you!