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AIBU?

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Original poster

What would you make of this message?

410 replies

Glittersparkle76 · 15/06/2022 07:24

My partner and I have been together on and off for nearly 10 years and we have a 9 year old daughter.He works away in hospitality and comes back to me and my daughter when he gets days off.I woke during the early hours and found this message he had sent,all lovely until I read the part when he said he had loved others more!,I thought WTAF??,why would you even need to say that to me?,are some things best left unsaid??.He's meant to be coming back late tonight for 3 days but now I feel like telling him to fuck off and don't bother!.Am I overreacting to this message?,I feel like I'm second,third or even fourth best now and don't think I will ever be able to get that comment out of my head.
Even if I felt in my past I had loved others more than I do him,I would never say that to him as I don't feel it needs to be said!.
I would love others opinions on this and how they would feel if their partner sent them this message.

What would you make of this message?
OP posts:
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6
Regularsizedrudy · 15/06/2022 11:05

Jeez, he’s really committed to the whole “RIGHT NOW” bit… either he’s really fucking stupid or he’s trying to neg you

Basilbrushgotfat · 15/06/2022 11:05

Dillidilly · 15/06/2022 11:03

I may have misread, but have I got it right that the plan is to sell your house to buy a 'luxury caravan' together? As I understand it, these kinds of homes only depreciate in value, so I would take financial advice before you do anything like this.

Definitely don't sell your house to do this.

A friend did almost exactly the same (it wasn't a luxury caravan), she was completely screwed over by the "lovely" man shortly afterwards and has regretted it ever since. She'll never be able to buy again.

OrientalDaisy · 15/06/2022 11:06

It sounds like its a message from someone who is 18 or in their early 20s to be honest.... I've been with my dh for less and even after 1 year of being together if he sent me something of that kind I'd think he was off his head. Sounds like some unnecessary drama that he wants with all the 'I've loved before but not the same way as I love you, but then again it was a lot more intense at times'. Is he a poet or a writer by any chance OP? I would just text back with a grocery list that u need to be picked up on his way back I don't know. You got a daughter together and he is still in some romantic clouds

Rumplestrumpet · 15/06/2022 11:09

Fwiw I don't interpret it the way others have - I read it as - I love you right now so much and want to be with you forever.

He shouldn't have referred back to a previous unrequited love. I'm guessing he was infatuated with her in a way that was exciting at the time, and so that's what he meant by "more" but I don't see that woman as a threat as it was many many years ago.

Only you know how happy you are in this relationship. I would suggest you don't talk any more over texts because it's really not conducive to effective communication. Speak in person or have a video call.

And I'm so sorry to hear about your son. You clearly took great care of him right until the end and will always know you gave him the mummy he needed and deserved.

RaspberryChouxBuns · 15/06/2022 11:11

It's like reading Shakespeare, if Shakespeare had had a lobotomy.

FearlessFreddie · 15/06/2022 11:11

Rumplestrumpet · 15/06/2022 11:09

Fwiw I don't interpret it the way others have - I read it as - I love you right now so much and want to be with you forever.

He shouldn't have referred back to a previous unrequited love. I'm guessing he was infatuated with her in a way that was exciting at the time, and so that's what he meant by "more" but I don't see that woman as a threat as it was many many years ago.

Only you know how happy you are in this relationship. I would suggest you don't talk any more over texts because it's really not conducive to effective communication. Speak in person or have a video call.

And I'm so sorry to hear about your son. You clearly took great care of him right until the end and will always know you gave him the mummy he needed and deserved.

A very wise contribution, especially the part about not discussing it further by text.

Basilbrushgotfat · 15/06/2022 11:11

@Glittersparkle76

My son wasn't his biological son and he was 10 when we got together so it really has no relevance on the duration of the relationship

I meant was that if you hadn't been through all the pain and sadness of nursing your son through such an awful illness an then losing him whether you'd still be with your dp? When we go through such huge and awful experiences, we take the support we can and don't have the energy or mental strength left over to challenge things that aren't quite right. Especially when you have a dd to tie you together.

You're right at the dismissal of your feelings, that's not on and I wonder why he's got so entrenched in feeling like the wronged party here.

I also agree with a pp that needs to be resolved face to face instead of over messages.

CuriousMama · 15/06/2022 11:12

Run for the hills. Eurghhh he's awful.

RaspberryChouxBuns · 15/06/2022 11:16

I'm so sorry to hear about your son OP, I can't imagine what you're going through x

LadyRoughDiamond · 15/06/2022 11:21

What a load of rambling twaddle. He’s either drunk or illiterate.

Eddielizzard · 15/06/2022 11:24

He's really not coming across well. And when people (ie men) say they'll support you (after you've funded his caravan), they really mean you get to do all the skivvy work (cooking, cleaning, washing) and be his carer in later life. Yay!!

Sunnytwobridges · 15/06/2022 11:24

Ethereall · 15/06/2022 07:39

The finger emojis alone would make me get rid

😂

it’s a weird msg. So overly long winded and so much focus on “right now”. Something must’ve triggered him to set him off like that.

you have been off and on for almost a decade so it makes me wonder how committed he really is.

Williamshatnershorses · 15/06/2022 11:26

godmum56 · 15/06/2022 09:00

That looks to me like he found it somewhere, thought it was "clever" and copy pasted it to you.

This was my first thought - he’s seen that somewhere, thought it was lovely and quickly sent it to you without reading it all thoroughly!

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 15/06/2022 11:28

Oh dear, I think he was feeling romantic and loving towards you, but trying to be honest at the same time. What it says to me is that he once loved someone else, perhaps in the crazy infatuated way you only love when you're young and foolish.
But he now loves only you, he doesn't want anyone else and he hopes you will grow old together. I would have taken it as a loving messag that got a bit muddled and silly. But basically full of love and commitment to you.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 15/06/2022 11:30

Oh -- and also what some others have said. It reads as if it started off as a poem. So very likely a meme he's seen on the internet and forwarded to you because he thinks it expresses his real, present (not past) and lasting love.

Bunty55 · 15/06/2022 11:33

Drugs.. It's the drugs and possibly the drink and a massive self indulgent ego

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 15/06/2022 11:35

And finally -- the emphasis on "right now" to me is a positive, meaning any other loves are in the past, before he met you. He's saying he loves you, now. Hd doesn't want anyone else. He wants to grow old with you.

I'm very sorry your son died so young. It must have been terrible, and you'll never stop grieving.

I hope you don't throw away a genuine, though clumsy, love.

RestingMurderousFace · 15/06/2022 11:38

File him under A for arsehole and move on.

SunflowerGardens · 15/06/2022 11:39

Oh no I would have to dump him after that. Not even for the content of the message but my opinion of his intelligence would just sink through the floor. Also his emoji usage is just awful.

MeMe3Spoons · 15/06/2022 11:41

In your situation I would think that he has been considering his options lately. For whatever reason he has had some kind of epiphany and has decided that he is sticking with you.

His message seems odd from the outside but for him is the conclusion of his recent soul searching/failed romantic endeavours so writing that to you was cathartic for him. Sending the message to you was actually quite selfish and is framed in a way that you should be grateful but all it has achieved is to make you feel sad.

I am sorry that you have been made to feel this way and genuinely hope that you find the space to do a little soul searching of your own. Whatever you decide to do next I hope it brings you happiness and contentment.

SunflowerGardens · 15/06/2022 11:41

Glittersparkle76 · 15/06/2022 10:40

Latest text from him...
We were planning on living by the sea in a luxury caravan after our daughter has left home,mostly for a better life and being financially better off.I haven't opened the messages from him,I've just screenshot them off my homescreen,right now I don't even want to talk to him.

'Luxury tourer' oh god he sounds like Alan Partridge.

Kennykenkencat · 15/06/2022 11:44

PetersRabbitt · 15/06/2022 07:32

It’s the right now part that’s the killer really. Just now, but only because it’s your whose available “right now”

dump him

Definitely the “right now” bit

It is what you say when you are making do with something

Jakeyachey · 15/06/2022 11:45

Wow, why does he keep saying “right now” what a dolt. And harking back to sone woman he had a crush on years ago. Honestly if bin that.

Original poster
Glittersparkle76 · 15/06/2022 11:49

Basilbrushgotfat · 15/06/2022 11:05

Definitely don't sell your house to do this.

A friend did almost exactly the same (it wasn't a luxury caravan), she was completely screwed over by the "lovely" man shortly afterwards and has regretted it ever since. She'll never be able to buy again.

Show quote history

Sorry,I should have clarified in my earlier post that I do not own my own house,I am in a long term rental for as long as I want to be here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Glittersparkle76 · 15/06/2022 11:49

Basilbrushgotfat · 15/06/2022 11:05

Definitely don't sell your house to do this.

A friend did almost exactly the same (it wasn't a luxury caravan), she was completely screwed over by the "lovely" man shortly afterwards and has regretted it ever since. She'll never be able to buy again.

Show quote history

Sorry,I should have clarified in my earlier post that I do not own my own house,I am in a long term rental for as long as I want to be here.

OP posts: