To be devastated by my friend's attitude?

[loonyloo]

My friend has really upset me and I don't think IABU but my other friends/family aren't being that sympathetic so it's made me wonder if I am BU.

We were at a mutual friend's house on Saturday evening. Mutual friend told us her sister has been diagnosed with a medical condition. When she told us what it was I thought her sister was dying but apparently it's a manageable version.

We left soon after and on our way home I was talking to the first friend about a family member who died a few weeks ago and I got really upset. It was a shock for us and I think the hospital was at fault. My friend didn't say much, she said the all the right things but was sort of quiet about it and didn't seem interested.

On Sunday I WhatsApp'd her saying sorry and that mutual friend's sister's news had set me off. She replied saying it was fine and that mutual friend's sister would be okay but nothing about my family member. It seemed abrupt so I sent another message saying again that I was really upset by mutual friend's sisters news even though it's not terminal and it just made me think about my family member. She then sent me this reply:

"Jesus fucking Christ can you for once not make it all about you? It's [mutual friend's sister's] illness and all you're talking about is how upsetting it is for you. Even when you were talking about [family member that died] you were going on about how upsetting it is for you and not [family members daughters]!"

She sent a message later on apologising but I'm devastated at her attitude and don't understand how she could be so cruel. I've spoken to some of my family and a few of our other friends about it and they've either not really commented or just said that she was wrong but at least she apologised.

If someone apologises, do you usually ignore their apology and continue to rub their nose in it, @maisieandvicks ?

Ah the joys of humanity and their flakiness and inability to stand by their original opinions

I was critical of the OP's initial position. I'm still critical of that initial position. However, since she has changed, I have given her credit for it. You can call that flaky, that's up to you. But the internet is full of people digging their heels and not responding to change or revising their opinions when new evidence arises, and I figure, why add to that?

Yeah, don’t try and deviate from the main point in all of this which is that irrespective of an apology, nobody is qualified to state and affirm whether or not the message has sunk in/hit home with OP.

Additionally, I still stand by my initial statement in that on MN, the general consensus is guilty before proven innocent.

In answer to your question, no. Of course I don’t.

But 99% of posters on MN do. Which is my point. One which I stand by.

If this bothers you then I’m afraid there is nothing I can do to alleviate your discomfort/concern.

Have a good evening.

We can give our opinion on her original OP AND acknowledge her response that comes later, you do realise these are not mutually exclusive? OP is showing grace to take all this on board, that's what we are commending.
Honestly you do sound a bit dim.

You weirdo @maisieandvicks

this is mumsnet

an anonymous parenting chat forum

just chewing the fat really

no an international Human Rights convention!

Weirdo? Says the person mentioning me on MN at 6am.

Either go back to sleep, go to work or go and look after your kids. Get a life and at least come back and login to MN after 8am.

Weirdo.

And you sound like you have too much time on your hands. Mind the business that pays you and stay out of my mentions. Nobody mentioned you. Have a nice day now. 🥱

Oh at the moment I have way too much time on my hands. Post op and bored out of my brain.

so I read your post and had a little chuckle at the person thinking a chat on a
mumsnet thread was so deeply profound 😂

But um… you’re on here too at 6am?

you also post op recovering and bored after a bad night sleep?

or… are you as you described in your post?

I’m here because as per usual, whenever it’s nursery/school day, my children deliberately wake up after 7am. Yet whenever it’s not a school day, they are up at the crack of dawn.

Not that that is any of your business, but hope this makes you feel better knowing this information about my life.

Now if you don’t mind, I must go ….. 🙄

@Ohthatsexciting I hope your op went well. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

You crack on busy bee

but might be worth taking your own advice and logging in after 8!

Cheers

cosmetic though so nothing serious!

Tbf you’re probably right. I am not the most upbeat in the morning. Off I trot ….

Good stuff.

Ah but where you’re position is slightly different is based on the fact that you are openly still critical of OP’s initial position. That’s open and honest. You haven’t done a complete 180. Everyone else is “oh my god you’re such a great person for coming back”. The very same people that were verbally abusing OP for not coming back 😅

It’s ridiculous, fake and most of them know it. Hence why they’re all coming for my neck.

Wishing them the best of luck with that one 😉

@WisherWood **your position

"even though it's not terminal"

Come on! You must be able to see that this is not the occasion to be competitive.

Your sister isn't terminal so you shouldn't be as upset as me.

I am sorry for your loss. It's still very new and raw by the sounds of it.

I think you might need to reflect on conversations you have with people and see if you do make it about you.

Im not sure I would have phrased it the way your friend did or at all. But that's me.

People are ‘coming for your neck’ because you’re being ridiculously over the top. You sound unhinged, frankly.

Imagine taking the piss out of someone being on mumsnet at 6am................while being online at the same time 😂

I found it very bizarre (but nice to have a chuckle so early on in the morning!)

Also, you really didn't need to even dignify that comment with a reason why you're up at 6am but never the less I hope you're feeling OK

As I said though… recovery (nothing serious!) = poor night sleep and time on my hands. So I was free and happy to engage at 6!

Who was talking to you? 😅