My daughter doesn’t like our new puppy! 😣

[ohwhattodo96]

We got a puppy a few days ago so it’s all very new and still settling down, but my autistic 6 year old daughter hates him! 😔

She has been a bit rough with him a few times which has led to her being disciplined and put on time out, and she has started saying that she doesn’t want a dog and wants him to be sent away, she literally spends all day shouting this.

I think part of it could be jealously because she is no longer getting sole attention, especially because he has been unwell, and I have tried getting her involved in playing with him and helping to do things for him, but she just refuses.

How do I fix this?! X

I said "even if that's not true". It would help with the jealousy issue if she feels like the puppy loves her and prefers her to other people. Plus, you don't know it's not true. Dogs are very loyal creatures who love their people unconditionally, even when it's not an ideal home life.

Of course they are. But children who hit animals are not good for animals' wellbeing, and dogs that bite because they are hit are very bad for children's mental and physical health.

This little girl has autism and is distressed and struggling.

Please rehome this dog before it gets so traumatised that it develops behavioural issues such as fear aggression.

And rehome through a reputable rescue organisation, not via FB or a free ad somewhere. The poor pup has had a very bad start in life and will need to go to a knowledgeable and understanding home.

But if the animal is at risk of abuse, it shouldn't be left to suffer.

This. What on earth are these autistic children going to grow up like if they're not allowed to be disciplined? I get you may not be able to do that in the way you would a NT child but FGS she does NEED disciplining, her behaviour is awful. Surely she has to learn she can't have everything her own way all the time?

I know everyone will pile on saying 'you have no idea, how offensive' etc and I'm sorry if that's the case, but that doesn't answer the Q of genuinely, what are non NT children going to grow up to be like if they are just allowed to do what they want and get their own way all the time?

Poor bloody dog though, please ensure you separate them and that they're only together entirely supervised.

I don't think the dog is for you. It's not fair on the dog.

I don’t believe anyone has said don’t discipline your child - the consensus is the OP is disciplining her child in a way that is not going to work due to her SN. Your words are thoughtless and stupid. Do you understand that this particular child’s brain actually works and responds in an entirely different way to yours and other NT’s? Of course the child needs disciplining - in an appropriate, effective way.

And yes, your words are offensive … to the millions of us who have to struggle every single day, fight society every single day, battle with professional bodies every single day just to get our children the help (medical and otherwise) that they need and are entitled to.

A bit of an update… so the dog was poorly and he has now been treated by the vet with antibiotics, injections etc and is like a different dog within 24 hours - more like a normal puppy, and chewing everything in his sight!

Yesterday whilst he was chilling out in his bed after the vet visit, I spent some really quality 1-1 time with my DD and after that she tolerated the dog quite well - so I think I may have to make sure she is getting a bit more attention - and this makes me believe this is where the issue is coming from.

The dog came and sat with her for a while and I sat with them and picked her hand up and showed her how to be gentle with him, and she let him sit there for a few minutes then asked me to take the dog away from her which I did and the rest of the day was pretty uneventful - but it’s a lot more than she’s allowed over the past few days.

I’m hoping this is a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel that they can learn to live in each other’s spaces even if they don’t particularly love each other (well he adores her and follows her everywhere).

She seems to tolerate him when she wants to, and it’s only when she can’t have her own way or is told off for something else (not even related to the dog) that she then starts saying about the dog going away…

I’m hoping this is something we can fix with strict boundaries and ensuring they both have separate time and attention from me

Which is why I said in my post, I appreciate this discipline will differ compared to a NT child, I realise it's not the same, but the majority of the posters are just saying 'rehome the dog if she says she doesn't want it' and I can't believe that that isn't going to teach her that if she doesn't want something all she has to do is say and it'll go away, that isn't how life works unfortunately and I don't see the harm in the OP continuing to safely socialise her DD and the puppy to see if her daughter comes round.

While it’s good that your dog is feeling better, I still don’t think your update helps much. It’s not a good situation for either your dd or the puppy. It’s stressful for both of them. Your DD needs to feel safe and attended to, and so does the dog. It needs more than just to be tolerated. I would revisit having a dog in a year or two.

Glad to hear things are improving! You should tell her how much the dog loves her, she might appreciate him more.

My daughter used to get jealous when she thought our dog preferred me, but now he comes and snuggles on the sofa with her every time she's there, she's loves him a lot more. She's not autistic though and having a dog was her idea (she was begging me for one!). Now he's here, I love him so much 😍and never tell him off whereas my daughter is a teenager and I tell her off quite often, so I can see how she was a bit put out at me being so affectionate with the dog.

The puppy is more likely to irritate her when it is behaving normally - weeing on and chewing her things for example. Have you ever had a dog , let alone puppy , before? It will need ongoing training and attention and you should never let her be with him unsupervised as both are unpredictable. Are you really ready for taking on the responsibility yourself? What about when he is grown and needs walking frequently in all weathers?

He goes to toilet outside, haven’t had one accident in the house so far even when he had diarrhoea. Even when he chews, I tell him no and give him a chew toy and then when he chews on the correct thing he gets loads of praise etc. He even knows how to sit and lay down when I tell him and we are getting there on ‘bed’ - and that’s all with minimal training whilst he hasn’t been 100%.

what PP said is correct, my daughter is used to having her own way at home - for example she used to tolerate the TV being on but because she used to kick off and tell me to turn it off and I listened, we now pretty much can’t have free reign over the TV until she’s in bed - but at school she is fine and in other peoples homes she is fine - I’ve basically created a rod for my own back!

I believe he is genuinely happy here, he absolutely loves being around us and with us, and I think the underlying illness he had explained the reason why he was so quiet etc, last night for example my daughter was encouraging him to run round the garden with him and he was absolutely loving it - cried every time she went inside.

If we can come to a balance where everyone is happy I think I would like to try and do that, and she can’t learn that because she is angry with me because I’ve stopped her from doing something or told her off (again, not related to anything to do with the dog) she can’t just snap her fingers and we send him away.

if she was genuinely scared of him etc, then I would understand, but even the professionals who work with her everyday have stated (I spoke to them since this post) that they feel it’s her trying to put her foot down and get her own way like she has done before at home rather than it actually distressing her

You're using a living creature, that has been hit, as a learning experiment for your daughter. Which I guess is your right as nobody can stop you, but how you're morally OK with that is beyond me.

What breed is the puppy 🐶?

@rainbowmilk he has been hit once, and yes I know it’s not ideal at all, but she was really told off for that - she hasn’t tried to do it again and he still wants to be with her all the time.

Im not saying that’s okay - believe me she knew how angry I was about it - but I really have to find a new home for this dog over one incident without trying to solve the problem?

I imagine most kids need to adjust and learn how to be around their animals, it’s a big change for them

@XelaM he is a Cavapoo 😊

Aww they are adorable

@rainbowmilk there are dogs that are given to autistic children for assistance. These children who have these assistance dogs will have meltdowns - often physical ones

@Mum2One23 I don't agree with the use of assistance dogs in situations where they are being hit. We do not have the moral right as humans to subject animals to physical abuse and say that it is necessary to treat disability. I say that as someone who is disabled.

@rainbowmilk Its not right I agree - which is why I stopped my daughter, heavily come down on her about it - and she’s not tried again since. Instead when he goes near her now and she’s unsure of how to respond, I show her how to gently touch him and then she happily goes off. If it was happening more than that - of course he probably would be better off elsewhere - but uprooting a pup over one incident?

He has a safe place away from her - a big crate with his bed, food etc - which he is very happily and contently sleeping away in as we speak, and her room is off bounds to him at all times, and in the evening the bedrooms are out of bounds to him too whilst she winds down for night time

@Mum2One23 He's been with you a few days - it's not 'uprooting' at this point. And you can't guarantee it won't happen again because you have an unpredictable child who has meltdowns which have included hitting the dog. You have a short window in which the puppy's adult development will be mapped out, he's going to head into some pretty challenging behavioural territory, and you can't have eyes on your daughter 24/7. As I said, you have the right to treat this as a learning experience but I don't think it's morally right to do so.

there are dogs that are given to autistic children for assistance.

Assistance dogs are adult dogs that are temperament tested and trained for the job, training starts when they are puppies. The families are screened before having a dog placed with them, and also have to go through training.