My daughter doesn’t like our new puppy! 😣

[ohwhattodo96]

We got a puppy a few days ago so it’s all very new and still settling down, but my autistic 6 year old daughter hates him! 😔

She has been a bit rough with him a few times which has led to her being disciplined and put on time out, and she has started saying that she doesn’t want a dog and wants him to be sent away, she literally spends all day shouting this.

I think part of it could be jealously because she is no longer getting sole attention, especially because he has been unwell, and I have tried getting her involved in playing with him and helping to do things for him, but she just refuses.

How do I fix this?! X

YAB completely unreasonable to discipline an autistic 6 year old with a time out.

We have a new puppy. She is 14 weeks old and a right handful ! She gets excited and nips and bites and scratches.. it's what they do.
We have another dog and the two love each other, but if we go out for a short time and at bedtime, the puppy is caged for her own good and for the sake of the older dog who needs time out.
And that's just the dogs.............

Currently living here but about to move into their own new home are my daughter and three year old grandson.
He loves the pup but we never leave him alone with her as he has a tendency to grab her and pick her up.
There are lots of amputee puppies as a result of being hurt by children who love them.
Get a new home for the puppy please. I beg you. It's not fair on the pup or your daughter.

Your daughter is probably very unsettled because the puppy is new and unpredictable.
I would, for the moment, make sure that you divide your space between ", puppy allowed" and "puppy not allowed" space. Use baby gates etc to enforce.
Also make sure puppy has its own safe space ( eg crate) where your daughter is not allowed to interact with it.
Rather like when introducing new cats to each other, keep them in their own spaces as much as poss for now. Then your daughter knows she is "safe" from the unpredictability.
Write some "rules" and pin them up.
Dd can....
Dd can't ( hit, talk to dog in crate etc)
Dog can ..
Dog can't ( go upstairs, in dd' chair etc)
Once you have established these and DD ( and dog) feel safe, you can explain to DD about eg inviting dog into lounge in evening but not allowed on sofa etc
If the dog is chilled, this isn't so much for training the dog but helping your dad feel more in control.

Tough one, I've an autistic son who is nearly 9, I get it often that he hates the puppy and we should get rid of it. He however doesn't mean it, he says it in frustration if he's being too bouncy or too nippy. He also loves to snuggle this puppy. So I'm not going to have the same view as others as I know SEN children tend to just say thing's.

I would however suggest if you can get her to train him, get her to teach him to sit, build up their bond and give her a sense of control over this puppy, that at the moment she probably sees as unpredictable. Teach her how to manage him, so if she feels SHE needs space from him, how to put him safely into another room, my son knows where the treat pot it and will put the puppy in the kitchen.

Ultimately she needs to know she is safe and in control of her space. That's the only advice I can really give.

I’ve got an autistic child, who’s rough with other children sometimes and who would absolutely be rough with a puppy. And whose meltdowns would probably scare a dog witless. They’d be upset by the inevitable changes in routine, the smell, the attention - and because they have a fairly fixed mindset, once they decided they didn’t like the dog that would be it, they wouldn’t change their mind.

So I’d never get a dog. It’s not fair on the dog and it’s not fair on the child. Yeah, child didn’t much like their baby sibling either and I persisted with that - but that was my actual human baby, not an easily rehomed puppy.

If you keep this dog, as placid as he seems now, an animal will only take so much bybway of abuse (verbal and/or physical) befor it texts badly. This could just be snarling to begin with (a clear warning to leave a dog alone) which can be scary for anyone, but what is he then bites?

That would not be his fault!

I think you should attempt to re-home being a lifelong dog owner.

he is the most calm and chilled out dog ever - he just sits there, doesn’t jump up or anything, that was his personality at the breeders too

And that will change if he’s constantly stressed. Find him a new and more suitable home before his lovely nature is ruined.

It will also chafe as he starts to feel better and grows. He's likely subdued due to being unwell plus a bit scared in his new environment. Most puppies are subdued for the first day or so anyway even the healthy confident ones. It will change. I'd be worried about a puppy that diner for through the boisterous and bitey stage as it's a development phase

Autistic kids struggle with change, I’d imagine her reaction is more down to that than jealousy?
I’d be wary about punishing her too, as she’ll probably make the connection that the new puppy is the cause of her punishments and start to resent him.

I agree with PP who mentioned puppy free zones so that she can feel safe and not anxious in most of the house.

I woukd return the puppy. It isn't going to work. And its too stressful for everyone including the dog.

It definitely didn’t come from a reputable breeder otherwise they would have immediately taken it back.

i also suspect they would have had a long conversation with regard to whether a puppy is suited to a house with an autistic child (I think it is, but obv there are issues to address depending on any particular child) and if it is suitable, how to go about introducing the puppy to the family.

also most reputable breeders wouldn’t have trouble selling their dog as they would have a wait list in my limited experience. Smacks of puppy mill to me

The breeder won't take the puppy back? does not sound like either of you did much research on suitability of your home for a dog. And he has already been poorly?

Does seem like the right fit for your household having a puppy

OP said the breeder won't take the puppy back as they had trouble selling it in the first place.

Lots of good advice here (in between some nastiness)

Rules pinned up of what she can and cannot do with puppy

Puppy zones and you free zones. If puppy goes to his crate then he must be left alone.

Give it a few weeks for her to settle before you make a definite decision. But if the situation is the same then I'm sorry but I would rehome.

This is unfair on the puppy; rough behaviopur and shouting at him will wreck his temperament. It's also unfair on a child who can't cope with puppy behaviour.

For both their sakes, return the puppy to the breeder with explanation it's no fault of his. Don't get another dog.

You still haven’t answered why you chose to get a dog and what preparation did you make to let your DD get used to sharing her home with an animal. It’s different than being around dogs in other people’s homes

Did she know it was coming? Was she involved in preparing the house eg buying toys and a dog bed. This could have minimised the jealousy if done properly

The dog may be chilled now but what's to say one day the dog will attack if he's hit on the head one too many times. Too many stories of dog attacks. Are you prepared to take that risk?You need to re-home. It's not a suitable environment.

A sick puppy that a breeder won't take back? I have never heard of a reputable breeder that won't take back a puppy. In fact every dog I've ever had has had a contract saying if we can't look after the dog at any time, the breeder will take it back.

especially because he has been unwell

Our puppy isn’t boisterous though - he is the most calm and chilled out dog ever - he just sits there, doesn’t jump up or anything

Has the puppy been to the vets?

Why is he unwell (IE what is wrong with him?) Was he okay when he arrived?

I'm more pissed off for the poor dog. You've bought a puppy from what is clearly a puppy farm which is completely irresponsible.

What preparation did you do for your daughter, knowing she's autistic surely you did stuff like weekly visits to play with the puppy before buying to start the bond? No because puppy farmers don't generally encourage that. I'm sure they sent you cute videos though

Re home the puppy with a family who can care for it properly. And if you chose to get one in the future make sure you do your research and prepare your daughter for the change.

My daughter knew for several months we were on the look out for a dog, she picked him, picked his name, went shopping for his things.

she was absolutely fine until she realised she would not be allowed to do as she wanted with him - she struggles having rules and boundaries put in place.

she is also back at school in September so it’ll give her time away from him and him time away from her if needed.

Like right now - she is sat nicely in the same wrong eating her lunch - but once I start paying him any attention she’ll tell me he has to go

Same room**

OP - this is what I do for a living...

So.. you've bought from a crappy breeder, who won't take back, which makes that option much harder as now we're talking rehome via a rescue (they're all full) or privately rehome (takes a while unless of course you just irresponsibly hand over to the first person who shows up)...

Point being this puppy isn't going anywhere soon.

Lots of children, NT or ND... are horrified by the reality of a puppy.

In theory, a puppy is a cute, snuggly, best friend who always wants to do what they want to do, play games, sit and watch them play, snuggle, etc. Never any disagreement, never any competition like there would be with another child, its all just lovely.

The reality is that your child has got a needy new sibling who is NOT fulfilling any of their expectations at all - they don't listen, don't want to play her games, don't want to watch her play, do want to bite her, etc etc..

And she can't communicate that well so she gets frustrated and stressed at the puppy themselves and of course then gets into trouble for THAT so.. obviously the puppy is to blame, demand the puppy is removed.

Separate puppy and child.

Use a room divider where necessary so they're both in the same room, so neither is missing out on company, interaction etc, but they can't annoy or hurt one another.

Reward the absolute shit out of either of them for IGNORING the other - sounds counter intuitive I know, you want them to like each other but that route means them being too close, physically, it means big risk of one hurting the other and fall outs and so on.

Rewarding them for ignoring each other, choosing to go away from one another is much much safer.

Once you have the dividers set up and some sort of routine in place, you can keep explaining to your daughter that the puppy lives here too, what the rules are around the puppy, where she can go to take herself away from the puppy, how she can ask for an adult to help etc etc.

I would rehome this puppy though.

It is a red flag that the breeder wont take back and struggled to sell.
It is also a red flag that this puppy is apparently so chilled - after the first night, most puppies are bouncy and into everything and the level of laid back you describe makes me suspect something is wrong tbh.
Whilst I can see how pets can help people with autism, unfortunately I very often see dogs/pets really suffering as a result of being that 'help' and I don't think that's acceptable.