My daughter doesn’t like our new puppy! 😣

[ohwhattodo96]

We got a puppy a few days ago so it’s all very new and still settling down, but my autistic 6 year old daughter hates him! 😔

She has been a bit rough with him a few times which has led to her being disciplined and put on time out, and she has started saying that she doesn’t want a dog and wants him to be sent away, she literally spends all day shouting this.

I think part of it could be jealously because she is no longer getting sole attention, especially because he has been unwell, and I have tried getting her involved in playing with him and helping to do things for him, but she just refuses.

How do I fix this?! X

She picked him.

And you don't even see what's wrong with this. Ffs. Poor dog.

I had to give up a much loved rescue for the same reason. Autistic children are, famously, inflexible and unlikely to budge on stances. They also scare more easily than NT kids.

I stupidly thought my dog would grow on my DS. We gave it six months. He didn't grow even a cm. It got to the point where DS was refusing to be on the same floor of the house as the dog, and wouldn't play in the garden if the dog was in there.

So I had no choice but to find the dog a new home. Luckily I think I found him an even better home than ours, but I was very picky about where he went.

On the other hand, she may find it harder in September when she is tired from school and comes home and wants your full attention.

My son has ASD and he isn't keen on the cat at all. The cat mostly just stays out of his way though. A puppy is a lot of work for someone with an autistic 6-year-old.

I feel desperately sorry for this puppy. Your daughter for whatever reason is hitting the dog and when your back is turned could be doing even worse. Give it back urgently and let someone who knows how to treat animals
properly take it. I am sort of sorry to be harsh but this won’t end well.

Sounds like you went to a crappy back yard breeder, a decent breeder would want to take the puppy back rather than leave it in an unsuitable home.

Youre minimising the fact that your daughter hit a young and defenceless animal on the head. The fact that it was an autistic meltdown and that there were consequences doesn’t make a difference to the poor puppy.

YABU the puppy isn’t safe in your home.

I wouldn’t force it, sadly you will have to rehome it. Both your daughter and the puppy need homes that are a place of tranquility.

Please rehome the puppy. Of course a new pet needs to settle into family routine but it's actually quite cruel to take a young dog to a new place where they then become unwell are treated roughly and have to deal with loud and unfamiliar shouting. If you keep the puppy you will not have a chilled out dog for long. I think you have to accept that despite your planning this has not worked out and you need to do the right thing for the dog.

I think @WiddlinDiddlin has it.

Don’t get me wrong she’s not abusing it - she has hit it on the head once when it first arrived because she had a bit of an autistic meltdown

Hitting a puppy on the head is absolutely abusing it.

If her autistic meltdowns cause that kind of behaviour you should 100% not have a dog. It's entirely unfair on the puppy.

You need to rehome this puppy for it's own safety.

She is hitting it on the head and being "rough" with it? Completely not acceptable to put a puppy in this situation.

Please rehome it if you care about it.

it’s a bit unfair on the puppy to have him around a child with boundary issues and frequent meltdowns, it’s not ideal.

This is the optimum stage where a puppy learns. If you think you might have to rehome, now is the time to do it, not in a few weeks time when the pups socialisation window has closed and the pups formative weeks have been spent with a child that hits it.
speak to a breed specific rescue in the first instance, or local rescue that uses fosters

Our neighbours bought a dog 'for their son' who has downs. Both him and his sibling hate the dog, and say it multiple times a day. I think it's because the dog wants to play with them but they don't want it to. It's really sad is it is a really good natured dog.
Is there anywhere the puppy can go which is away from your dd, so she can get some one to one time with you again? Maybe a crate for naps, or a baby gate across a door way so it sleeps in another room? It might help her bond with it more if she feels she is still getting attention

Also, if the breeder will let a dog stay in an unsuitable home rather than take it back, and the puppy has already been unwell within the few days that you've had him, I would be seriously questioning whether that breeder was the right place to go to get a puppy in the first place. Jeez.

My dd2 was terrified of our bitey puppy and I thought we’d have to take him back week 1. What we did was create safe spaces for Dd and dpup with clear rules written on the whiteboard.

i can’t comment re autism, only you know how manageable Dd is but for us, dpup is almost 2 and he and dd2 snuggle on the sofa every Saturday morning (she’s an early riser). She absolutely loves him but it’s hard during the puppy stage when they need lots of attention. Get Dd involved in structured training and play with the puppy but also give her puppy free time. Good luck.

Have you seen this? I know a couple of people who've done the workshop and it sounded good.
www.dogsforgood.org/how-we-help/family-dog/

Sorry OP.

Badly thought through.
Shouldn't have bought from a puppy farm/back yard breeder.

You've already got issues related hitting and being rough. .
Your puppy being sick so soon and being very chilled already is rather worrying.

This is not going to get any better.

Are you sure time out and discipline are the right solutions? It all sounds a bit more complex than that. Those sound like fairly ineffectual reactions. I feel sorry for your daughter.

I would - sadly - expect this to get worse before it gets better (if it's going to).

Your puppy is as the most maleable age right now. They are as accepting of everything around them as they are ever going to be. That doesn't last. As they mature, they start to learn ways in which they can make their feelings known and, if they have experience with someone who they found scary and stressful when they were a puppy, they are likely to try and communicate that as they grow up: with side eyes, freezing, avoidance leading to growls or snarls or snaps or bites.

That's what you have to guard against right now. If this puppy is to have a chance of growing up to accept your daughter then you need to control every interaction right now so that he does not get hurt or scared by her.

Through the teenage months, dogs can be irritable and intolerant and downright little arseholes. They really can test even the most patient of adults: chewing, zooming, biting, refusing to listen, barking, digging etc So, beyond the puppy years you've got about 6-12 months of that to get through also. Again, your role will be to make sure neither your dog or daughter do anything that could sour the relationship between them for life.

Much better they ignore each other for the first 2 years then grow to accept each other later on, than they are given too much chance to interact without lots of help and do something silly that means they never grow to accept each other.

Sadly, your beeder is also a dickhead. No decent breeder ever refuses to accept back a puppy like this. Ever. So you may have to handle poor breeding (health and temperament) into the mix.

It sounds like a huge undertaking, to me... Sorry OP.

This.

Your daughter will become increasingly cruel and increasingly sly in the way she delivery her cruelty.

The pup will be the one to suffer.

I'm a little worried that you say he has been ill - is this just a tummy upset because of the stress of a new home, or something more?

Don’t get me wrong she’s not abusing it - she has hit it on the head once

That is abuse. She is not suitable for a small puppy. Please rehome it, and don't get another animal.

This, 100%

Ah - sorry - I should have read further.

Please re-home the puppy, even if you lose money on it. Take it to dogs' trust or somewhere similar

Rehome the puppy. It is the glaringly obvious and right thing to do. This poor puppy deserves better than rough and hostile treatment and the risk you're taking that the situation will improve, all the while the puppy is getting more attached to you, and more afraid and wary of children.

I think you need to re-home the puppy.

Think objectively - is it your own desire to have this little dog which is motivating you?

Your daughter has said plainly that she doesn't want the puppy. It's good that she is self-advocating. This could go very wrong indeed for all the reasons other posters are saying. The dog could become vicious or your daughter might be too rough. The puppy deserves a quiet home, and sensory issues, or anxiety, might make the feelings your daughter experiences more intense and overwhelming than would be the cases for some other individuals.