AIBU to think drinking every day is normal?

[BitBehind]

Just that really.

I grew up in a household where both parents drank every night. Always wine with dinner and then sometimes gin or whisky afterwards.

They were never smashed. But they definitely drank every day without fail and often a little wobbly before bed. I didn't think much of it.

Now I always have wine in the evening. Soon as the kids (toddlers) are in bed it's my routine to come down and have a glass of white wine in the quiet at last. And then maybe one more with dinner. And maybe one more after dinner. Small glass. 3 max. I never go out drinking anymore so that's it. I'm never drunk but also would find it hard to not have that glass at the end of the day

Is this normal? My partner says it's definitely not.

Well of course it isn't. Because the majority of people in the world live on a few dollars per day if they are lucky so they obviously are not having wine with supper. Hence the reference to what the norms are in more prosperous countries more similar to our own, and what historical norms are in European culture, before it became infected with the US insanity that anybody who drinks more than one drink is an alcoholic!

There is little point comparing how you conduct your evening meals to an average person in Bangladesh or Iran or Ethiopia or even the US. It's totally irrelevant.

Would it help to drink alcohol free wine instead ? Sparkling water is also a good idea. Juice/smoothie ? It doesn't have to be super sweet, you can add water so it's more flavoured water than juice. Look up nice alcohol free cocktails.

My parents drank like fish back in the day of cocktail parties and still polish off a couple of glasses of wine with dinner every evening. As a single parent, I no longer buy wine as it goes off before I can finish it so I usually have a glass of cider or (rarely) a whisky and soda. I worry about the effects of alcohol on my health as it's been discovered that ANY amount is harmful.

I don't think it's normal, no, mainly because we know now that it's not a healthy daily habit and many people have recognised that and adjusted their drinking accordingly.
I grew up in the 70s and my parents drank wine probably 6 out of 7 nights, a bottle between them. Not excessive but not good for their weight either!
I hope you're ok OP.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
I was similar to you when my children were young. I watched the clock until 5, had one cooking dinner and one with, or more, every night.
I realised I was wanting to start earlier and that's when I stopped. Cut back to one while cooking which I made last, then had half and half white wine and soda or something with dinner. Just eased off rather than going cold turkey. Now I only drink socially - one glass mainly because it's all I want, and not nightly. Works for me.

My parents are the same OP, and they still are in their late 80s (though not with spirits these days, just wine). I also grew up thinking it was normal, and friends used to say how "European" they were, which basically meant they drank too much. DH and I make the effort to be as AF as possible midweek, and some weeks are more successful than others, but it's hard to break that 'it's okay' association in my head sometimes so I get where you're coming from.

Alcoholic...

The point is, alcohol dependency (for that's what this is about) doesn't tend to follow a path where you miss out the boring, lonely, etc. bit at the end. It just comes far sooner.

It's less:

30-70yo drinking too much but 'enjoying life' while everyone else is miserable.
71yo 'dead'.

And more:

30-50 drinking too much but 'enjoying life', while ageing quicker than normal.
50-60 increasing ill health with chronic alcohol-related issues arising, not at all 'living life to the full'.
60-70 far increased likelihood of serious alcohol-related illness (including cancers).
70+ prematurely reaching end of life stage with very little enjoyment due to poor health.
etc.

Moderation/non-dependency might well mean 30 years of much better health, which fades more slowly, and enjoying later life rather than waiting to die slowly of self-inflicted conditions.

There are many, many reasons that people end up with poor health later in life, low quality of life, or premature deaths. Alcohol is just one factor. I think you'd struggle to find a correlation between people who regularly drink wine and worse outcomes in general as so many other factors play such a big part: obesity, unhealthy diets/ diabetes, reduced mobility due to osteoporosis/ arthritis etc, general unfitness/ inactivity, mental decline, damage to people's bodies from doing difficult physical work, etc etc.

Alcohol is just one factor. I think you'd struggle to find a correlation between people who regularly drink wine and worse outcomes in general as so many other factors play such a big part: obesity, unhealthy diets/ diabetes, reduced mobility due to osteoporosis/ arthritis etc, general unfitness/ inactivity, mental decline, damage to people's bodies from doing difficult physical work, etc etc.

That's why scientists study diseases across very large populations and then correct for other factors. They can also, if they find a correlation, investigate further to see if there is a causation behind this. Quite a few of the physical ailments you list are caused by or exacerbated by excessive alcohol consumption.

Missing the point here that everyday drinking affects you in the here and now , not just down the line. Poor sleep, anxiety, hangovers, weight gain, lack of energy. Not to mention the tedium of trying to moderate and the amount of brain space it takes up.

I think you'd struggle to find a correlation between people who regularly drink wine and worse outcomes in general...

The fact it's wine is irrelevant.

In the OP's case it's 3 glasses of wine, which is the equivalent of drinking 3 large cans (near 3 pints) of normal strength lager per night, every night.

Someone pointed out earlier in the thread that for some reason there seems to be this pervasive theory that wine isn't a problem because it's a middle class drink.

Fake 0 % gin, wow!

I'm holding off alcohol and I was really tempted on Fridays but instead I splashed out on 0 zero tanquery gin! Wow!

Inwas amazed. I actually gulped i6 down, hot day, ice clinking...and worried id make myself sick drunk! Then I realised it's non alcoholic. I'm v v impressed.

Me too! I've been enjoying a 0% gin by a local distillery with coop rhubarb and ginger fizz and ice - it's amazing!

You think you dont but honestly....lots of people lie about their drinking habits! If people lie their doctor about weekly units, they're definitely lying about whether they drink!

OP define normal...i dont understand why people judge people for drinking a glass or two of wine at night but smoking 40 a day is ok!! 🙄

I'm really impressed with you OP. You made a very courageous choice to post here and have taken all the comments calmly. Really well done for trying to cut back.

Cirrhosis is awful, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

i dont understand why people judge people for drinking a glass or two of wine at night but smoking 40 a day is ok!!

I don't know anyone who thinks smoking 40 a day is OK. I know very few people who do smoke and of those that do, they at least acknowledge they'd be better off if they stopped.

There's an awful lot of whataboutery when it comes to this topic. But what about smokers/ the overweight/ people with arthritis. Yes, what about them? They don't detract from the fact that drinking alcohol everyday is bad for you.

This is a really important point. I've really taken on board the comments on this thread and as a result have had five days off alcohol this week. That's unheard of for me except during Dry Jan.

Gosh. This thread has been busy. My favourite comments are the ones that just say "alcoholic" or telling me I'm going to die an early death.

Anyway...I didn't drink all last week but was feeling rough but was actually a tummy virus and my whole family had it! So positive that I didn't have withdrawal symptoms but negative as I felt so ill that I couldn't have drunk anyway so can't celebrate the week of non booze too much.

I did have 2 glasses on Sunday night and it made me feel a bit rubbish about myself when thinking about all these messages. Anyway I'm back to not drinking during this week and will see. Thank you for being supportive, mostly. Hahaha.

@goldfinchonthelawn that’s brilliant. How do you feel? It took me quite a while to feel better, as my sleep worsened to start with.

It doesn't really matter what normal is as it's so subjective, dependent on your own preferences and your circle. What matters is that drinking doesn't impact your health and/or the happiness of yourself and those around you.
The only objective measure we have for safe drinking are the recommended weekly units. Staying within them probably isn't 'normal' as we're a hard drinking nation, but healthy and normal isn't the same thing.

YANBU, I would say that's fairly common.

Yeah, largely because excessive comsumption. But also many studies showing positive benefits from red wine in particular. So drinking each day with meals... there is no evidence proving that causes problems.

No. It's because studies show some health benefits from it which counteract some of the drawbacks. If drunk in moderation - frequently - it actually appears to increase life expectancy and mental capacity in old age.

Whereas downing bottles of spirits does not.

Utterly nuts for you to be feeling bad about drinking two glasses of wine OP. This thread is full of people with issues who are projecting unfortunately.

No. It's because studies show some health benefits from it which counteract some of the drawbacks. If drunk in moderation - frequently - it actually appears to increase life expectancy and mental capacity in old age

This is categorically untrue and was debunked upthread.
Drinking does not increase life expectancy. This is correlation, not causation.
Meaning that stats for the non-drinking group are always skewed by the fact that non-drinkers include those people who are seriously ill; those who previously drank and stopped; and those who don't drink due to other "lifestyle choices" - such as those dependent on other drugs.
When you remove these factors, there are no supposed benefits to drinking. A fairly recent German study proved it, iirc.