To not have made my son share

[Noshare]

At a soft play type place today and my son was playing with something, another little girl kept coming up and trying to take it off him (both about 2.5). I kept politely saying 'sorry sweetheart he's playing with this one' and giving her something else which she'd take away and play with for a bit and then come back.

My son can get a bit fixated on certain things so he was playing with this for about 15 mins.

Anyway, the little girls mum came up and asked my son if he would share it now and let her have a turn and I said 'hes playing with this at the moment but as soon as he's finished she can have a go with it'. She scoffed and said don't I teach my children to share. I replied that our definition of sharing obviously differs.

They were like blocks in different shapes but she wanted the specific block my son had even though she'd piled up the others which were practically the same if that makes sense?

If he was on a swing or something and it was the only one then I'd of course tell him to let someone else have a turn now after a certain time but I don't think sharing means just giving someone what they ask for when they ask for it if that makes sense? There were plenty of other things practically the same as this item her daughter could play with.

Was I being unreasonable and failing to teach my son to share by not making him just hand over what he was playing with the moment he was asked?!

You were both yabu

Ironic

I agree with you, OP.

I imagine if he'd gone over to take one of her blocks after handing it over, things would have kicked off and her mother would have defended her.

As always, if you’d posted that, at soft play, your daughter wanted to collect all of the blocks and all of the other kids had let her take theirs, but one boy insisted in keeping just one block - even though your child persistently asked for it for 15 minutes - you would have been roundly pasted by all of these same sanctimonious posters.

I didn’t see a drip feed here either. How dare you post and not capitulate to the bullies, OP? 🤷‍♀️

There has been no suggestion of snatching or any other child being upset.

Taking turns is good.
Being able to concentrate on something in a creative, committed way without being interrupted is good.
Understanding that 'someone else is busy with that, why don't you play with this or that until they have finished' is good.

'Sharing' is a very nebulous concept for toddlers.

'Taking turns' is more practical - you have a turn, now they have a turn, now you ...etc...it can be taught be playing 'taking turns' - each turn being quite quick so that they don't get upset and remember that their turn will come quickly.

I need the rest of this story! Was it one of these police cars?

I'd have been too busy having coffee and chatting with a friend to have given a monkeys. I probably wouldn't even have noticed the situation!!!

Kids have a habit of sorting these things out for themselves quite adequately imo.

No, of course, remember that all reports must suggest OP and her child are terrible and block collecting child is an angel! We must not ruin the collective trouncing of the OP, people, or we’ll ruin the feel good self righteousness that we’re all seeking.

@PlantSpider well I think the OP was wrong and I think the other mother was wrong.

I think both children are perfectly fine and just being children and if they'd have been left to sort it between themselves they'd have shared better than their parents could

Some of the replies on here 🙄. Both children are practically babies. It might not be 'fair' that she was 'hogging' all the blocks, but she's 2. 2, ffs!! A 2 year old has not concept of sharing.

What I wouldn't have done, as a mother, was continued to let my child play with the same item for 15 minutes, so you were both in the wrong.

YANBU but I might have tried arranging a swap between them as she has all the rest of the blocks.
you would have more justification if the other child refused that.

15 minutes is totally unreasonable. It's selfish on your part to allow your son to fixate on one toy for that length of time when in a soft play centre where there are many children. If all parents took that judgement only 4 children per hour would get to play on it- that's ridiculous.

Although the share comment was also unreasonable as it was your judgement not your sons that was the issue.

I was at a train centred play for young children the other week and there was only one train to sit in and move manually and one train that you set on and it went round a small track. Got to nearly the end of the session til one woman whose child had been on twice asked if my son wanted a go, as we waited by the side. As soon as my son got off, hers went back on. Your situation is different to that as there were loads of similar toys so I would have just told her to play with something else, but at least she didn't snatch it off yours! Too many snatchers round these days 😅

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall At what age do you think parents should stop hovering? And what evidence do you have for this?

At 2 years old you absolutely should leave children to it. The toddler areas with blocks in at soft play are safely enclosed and soft. As soon as babies are mobile they should be left to be independent. A parents role is to spot and silently observe to keep them safe, not interfere in vital interactions. All this toddler helicoptering produces children with anxiety and poor self-regulation and an inability for independent play. That’s based on decades of research by the likes of Magda Gerber and Maria Montessori.

Everyone in this thread seems to think the issue is the stuff, the toys are irrelevant, toddlers need to learn about interactions. What looks to our adult eyes as ‘unfair’ snatching or hogging is not perceived like that by a toddler.

I am BIG on sharing and actually I don’t think you were being unreasonable in this situation.

I get that her game was collecting and piling blocks but she can’t have all the blocks for her game if it means lots of other children have no blocks. I think I probably would have asked to swap a block with her…but I bet she wouldn’t!

YANBU OP. I agree with you entirely. As do the majority of voters.

YANBU OP

YANBU at all, I can’t believe her mother asked for it!

Yeah there's always a few mums at places like that enjoying their coffee, on their phone, oblivious to what their child is up to. What's the harm in keeping a proper eye on your 2 yo? They're still babies.

YANBU

Thank you @girlmom21 !! You are the only person on this whole thread to speak sense.

I am so sick of spectating parents in the sand pit try to micromanage the actions of a pair of 2 year olds. This is not possible, they are trying to appeal to logic they don’t have and it is also harmful and a ball-ache for you. Just leave them the f*k alone and let them learn how to sort this stuff out for themselves.

Careful, on MN you’ll get called a helicopter mum if you even suggest soft play should be anything other than Lord of the Flies

Really don't get some of these responses. The little girl had a pile of toys. OP's DC had one.

Why on earth should OP's DC give up their one toy so the other child can add it to the already large pile? The other parent was massively unreasonable!