To us rainbows for a baby who's not a 'rainbow baby'

[Notmushroomleft]

DD's name is Iris. We love the flower and had them at our wedding which is why we chose it. We later also found out it means rainbow in Greek I believe which just makes it all the more a beautiful name in my view. So as she'll be moving into her own room in the next month or so, we've just decorated her room with a rainbow theme and whenever I post a picture of her on Instagram I've always posted with a rainbow emoji (and a blue heart because she has the bluest eyes). I posted a picture of her new nursery just because I worked hard on it and I think it looks beautiful and wanted to show it off. For context I have literally 53 friends on Instagram and every one of them I know in really life, so I'm not trying to be an 'influencer' by a million miles, just trying to show friends and family the new nursery.
Anyway one of my friends has text me to say she loves the room but thinks it's weird that I always use a rainbow for DD and she thinks I'm being quite insensitive to use it when DD isn't a 'rainbow baby'. And no she's not, I've been unbelievably blessed in life and have never suffered a miscarriage or infant loss. DF who's made the comment has sadly lost a baby and is quite open with me in real life and on social media that she is waiting for her rainbow baby.
I really love her and desperately pray she gets the family she wants soon but I honestly just never made the connection between me using a rainbow image to decorate for DD or to use as an emoji in a post to 'rainbow babies'; I literally just like rainbows and think it's cool that DD's name means rainbow. I'm also sad that DD is 6 months old now and I've always used a rainbow emoji for her on a post so this has obviously been bothering DF for a while but the room has obviously been the final straw. I haven't even replied yet as I honestly don't even know what to say.
I don't want to hurt my friend, I hate the idea that anything I have done has made her trauma even worse but I also really don't want to have to redecorate the entire room when I just finished it and I really love it for DD. But AIBU to use rainbows for a baby when she isn't a 'rainbow baby'?

Imagine getting offended over a rainbow emoji.

Ha, do you use much social media?! People get offended by everything 😆. But I don't see the difference between being offended by the rainbow emoji & being offended by not being able to use it!

There's nothing wrong with having a rainbow themed room though or rainbow clothes.

YANBU - But your friend is. Sorry for her struggles and that it's very raw for her but she can not dictate how an emoji is used. This was an issue with the LGBT community trying to patent it for themselves!!!!! The rainbow 🌈 does not belong to anyone.

As harsh as it sounds - explain nicely to her but don't feel guilty and don't change anything. If she is deeply offended maybe she should Mute your posts or unfollow.

Um yes you are being weird to react to that text that way.
Again, you explain why you're doing it (seems your friend isn't aware), that you hadn't realised that connection but thank her for pointing it out and you will stop posting loads of rainbows next to her name as you don't want to give the wrong impression that you are claiming your baby is a rainbow baby

No need to redecorate or ban rainbows from her life....just stop posting them in connotation every time you mention a young baby

The choice of word 'theme' is odd, but tbf sounds more like you're trying to theme your baby and therefore is coming mor from you than her.

Load if rubbish. I'm currently pregnant with my rainbow baby and not offended!!!
My eldest child loves rainbows, she draws them all the time talks about them etc. She nearly had a rainbow room when we redecorated but then decided to have an orange room ( rainbows would have been easier tbh). We did not chose rainbows for any reason other than she liked them.
I also use emoji for my kids names I have an belle (🔔) and a Teddy (🐻). Its just something cute I do.
I love social media but you do need thick skin as people get jealous and post to upset others.
If you are proud of how much you have saved / spent - your showing off.
If you see family - you upset those who have lost family.
But ti be honest it shows what kind of people they are. I lost my baby a week after my nephew was born. I was still very excited to see him and give him lots of cuddles I can't imagine being upset by someone happiness, especially people I care about.

I have only heard the term in recent years and I don’t really like that something like a rainbow, which once was nothing more than a very pretty thing of nature now has new meanings we need to be aware of.

But having said that, I would have thought most people using social media would by now have heard of a rainbow baby and would assume you using the rainbow emoji every time you refer to your daughter was saying she was a rainbow baby.

Your friend has been very clear that she is not upset by the nursery so I don’t know why you have made the comment about redecorating that other people have caught on to, because she simply didn’t say that. But yes, whilst I also don’t particularly like “rainbow baby” for the reasons I mentioned above, that is what it means in social media and I think you should stop with the emoji. Pleased to see that you have decided to do so.

This is why I left Instagram. Too many butt hurt entitled people.
I don't use social media anymore and I'm better for it. But I do have a YouTube channel 😁

If you like rainbows use them. The rainbow baby connection is fine for those who feel comfort in that label but that shouldn’t impact the rest of the world. As others have said rainbows do not belong to anyone or any group.

Hi friend,
I was surprised to read your message and I'm sorry that you made that connection about rainbows. I know rainbows are now associated with everything from gay pride, autism, the NHS to baby loss, but for us it's as simple as her name- Iris means rainbow. There's nothing more to it. I've seen lots of nurseries and baby clothes with rainbows over the years and there's never been any indication that they're anything but a bright, colourful symbol for any baby.
I can understand that once you made the connection it must have seemed odd, but hopefully now you understand that it's just a normal rainbow.
I hope you're having a nice weekend, hope to see you.... Etc

Disagree the LGBT community use it. So whenever anyone posts it for that reason are they also guilty of being insensitive.

So OP you carry on with Emoji - do what you want. Your not hurting anyone. People will be offended over anything.
It's not nice to walk on eggshells and also worry about offended this or that person. It can cause unnecessary anxiety and stress

I can understand your friend is upset and grieving but you can decorate your baby's room however you choose to and that's fine. Also you can use rainbow emoji as much as you like and i disagree with other posters saying you should stop using them on social media. Regardless of your DD's name meaning rainbow, you can still use a rainbow emoji and decorate her room in a rainbow theme. I think your friend is being silly and a bit mean to take her grief out on you, that's not fair. Rainbows were used as a symbol of hope for NHS works during lockdown, for the LGBT community and more. They are not only allowed to be used for "rainbow babies". I wouldn't let someone boss me around and change how i behave. You have just as much right as anyone else to use rainbows as much as you like whether that's emojis, clothes, room decor etc. I would tell my friend sorry it has upset her and maybe even explain about your DD's name and that you are using the rainbows in a totally different way to her but you won't be changing her room or anything else.

This is a great response and would be very generous of you to provide if you felt like being kind.

I think the room is fine but the emoji not.

Actually change "symbol" above to "decoration"

Preach!!

Sorry for your loss

Your friend is being oversensitive and overstepping about it. While I'm sorry she's struggling, as I'm sure you are, too, you have done absolutely nothing wrong.

Rainbows are for everyone.

@MixedCouple except from MNs I have nothing, it's the stealth bragging, the over sharing, the narcissism & yes butt hurt entitlement!

For me the rainbow emoji means hope and a new dawn. And it’s pretty.

my childhood bedroom was decorated with rainbows forty years ago. No one owns the symbol - they have been around since time began!!!

maybe stop using the emoji for Thai particular group if it causes distress though.

I would reply -

I am so sorry you are upset. I decorated the nursery in rainbows because I like rainbows and Iris means rainbows. I know the symbol has different meaning to different people, for me it is just a pretty image that is associated with iris’s name. I know you strongly associate the symbol with a baby after loss, but rainbows are also just rainbows. I didn’t mean any offence and will stop using the emoji on the instagram feed.

tou know I live and support you and don’t want to inadvertently upset you x

Who decided it was ok for certain groups to lay claim to beautiful natural phenomenons that have been around for millions of years.

I have to be honests I have never heard this term. I thought the rainbow image was about LGBT and what not

And it was used for the NHS during covid

I thought the thread was about gay babies and thought 'what?'

Anyone going to clarify this?
And yes, I realise I could Google this, but am more interested in the likely subjectivity if it’s meaning here. And if it’s that subjective,
does it mean anything at all?

Preach

This comment is rude and laced with complete misunderstanding. The baby would not be a replacement for the losses, it’s simply a nod to the quote “after every storm comes a rainbow”, ie after the pain of a loss comes a rainbow. I’ve had 3 back to back losses and do hope someday I’ll get my “rainbow”. In no way does that mean there would be increased pressure on that child to be this idea of perfection. They would be a baby, hopefully grow into a child and adult and full of all the aspects of themselves, whether positive or negative. No pressure whatsoever. Using the term rainbow is a lighthearted, positive way to look to the future after suffering a loss. How very rude of you to make any further baseless assumptions.

OP, your friend is being sensitive. Rainbows symbolise many things. Please don’t stop using it just for her benefit as although she is hurting, her suggestion is also rude and most likely stemming from her own pain. Talk to her, be there for her, but don’t change something you relate to your daughter just because you’re being asked to.

i have had a baby after miscarriage. I do not refer to my kids as rainbow babies. I personally don’t like the term and find it a bit cringe. But some people like it and find it comforting, what ever helps people get through the day is fine with me.
however on one can monopolize ‘rainbows’ 😂.
i think some people really lose perspective on these things.

I would think it was ridiculous to have an issue with decorating the room like that. Children like rainbows, it's as much a common thing for kids themselves as for adults hoping for a rainbow baby.

I can vaguely see what she means about the SM posts though as it's sort of like a shorthand on there.