Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

[ItDoesMyHeadIn]

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

Wasn't a deal breaker for me, but 2 years in he learnt to drive

Sorry it would be for me but I live in a rural village with a bus to the nearest town once a week.

Wouldn't bother me...

Based on past (bad) experience(s) I would be cautious about friendship with someone who doesn't drive, let alone a relationship.

I'm not sure whether it would be a deal breaker, but it would definitely be a negative on the hypothetical pros and cons list, especially if the reason given was 'can't be arsed'. If the person was motivated (i.e. not lazy) and very self sufficient (rather than constantly relying on others) I could probably see past it.

Dealer breaker for me if it's because he can't be bothered to learn. Not a dealbreaker if he used to drive but for health reasons can't anymore.

I can understand this BUT i married and had a baby with a man who couldn’t drive. Best thing to ever happen to me, a wonderful man who it is a privilege to spend my life with.

Granted i put my foot down when i was pregnant (been together 8 years at that point) and he now drives.
While I understand it putting you off (certainly put me off) i think you’re values are off making it a deal breaker in IMO and you could be missing out

My husband doesn't drive and I am so surprised it bothers so many of you! But then again, I enjoy driving and he's perfectly capable of getting public transport/walking/cycling places. In fact, where we currently live, neither of us drive and have managed to survive - it's hardly a life essential unless you live in a place with terrible public transport.

I remember one of these threads from ages ago where a poster said that anyone who refused to date a non driver would be duly punished because it meant they'd miss out on dating her brother. Who was married. With kids. And drove.

Funny place sometimes.

Wouldn’t care at all, my husband can’t drive and never will, not an issue in the slightest.

Ignoring the defamatory and unnecessary comment about feminists, I have to say it would be a deal breaker for me (if I could live my life again!)

DP tried to learn a few times, but gave up. I must admit his coordination isn't great, but it has been a real pain in the arse doing all the driving all these years. Just thinking about it now is really pissing me off again🤬 He can't learn now due to a medical condition, so I'm the family chauffeur FOREVER.

No I wouldn’t. If I were gay, or a man, I wouldn’t date a woman that can’t drive either. It would ruin holidays, for starters, and there is NOTHING better than a lift to work on a poring morning ☺️

I am old and I would never have been in a relationship with someone who couldn't drive or didn't have a car.

As a young woman part of going on a date (70s) was driving home down a country lane and parking up by lay-by/gate to a field and having a snog in the back seat before he took you home!

It's fine if you don't want to date a non driver OP but its a bit off to think its THEM that is lazy. You are the one who thinks you need to drive everywhere, to the point it defines your dating choices!

It would put me off 100%. I have a relative who doesn't drive, they literally never go anywhere.

Just off the phone to my non-driving niece (28) who is miffed that a bunch of her friends have hired a Cotswold Manor House for next week and are driving down there — and there isn't a spare seat in their cars for her. 'How am I supposed to get there? It's in the countryside and the nearest station's miles away.' My nephew, 30, doesn't drive either, despite his parents paying for driving lessons. He's feeling left out because friends of his have borrowed a camper van and are going away in it. I told him that if he could drive he could have borrowed my old camper van and joined them.

Don't blame you at all, OP. I wouldn't want a non-driver.

At what point did I say I need to drive everywhere? If you bothered reading the thread properly I've already said I barely use my car at the weekend and I walk locally. But I would fully expect a grown man at some point in his early adulthood to think "hmm you know what? There are quite a few scenarios that life could throw at me where I might need or want to get from A to B quickly or at inconvenient times and I need to be able to rely on myself. I should probably learn how to drive". It's not down to laziness. It's just being a responsible and independent adult.

Not at all! My husband can drive but hasn't had a car for our entire relationship. It might be nice but I don't feel like we have missed out.
I took driving lessons at 17 and hated it more than anything. I think I have dyspraxia and struggle with coordination and left/right. I would literally cry during my driving lessons and stopped as soon as my mum let me. In a way I wish I had just pushed through to get my license, but I found it the most stressful experience of my life, and I would think it quite petty for someone to not want to date me because I simply hated driving

Yes it would put me off, not because it is "unmanly" for a man not to drive but because it unfairly burdens one partner in the relationship regardless of the sex of the non driver.

So I kind of agree with you, although I'm definitely a feminist. Being called "crazy" for wanting equal rights I find offensive though. Fuck off yourself.

My cousins partner doesn't drive. He's a lovely chap, mid fifties, noe medical issues, just doesn't wish to be a driver, as is his entitlement.
It just pisses my cousin off because she has to do all the driving. If they are out of town for a meal with friends or such like, she can't have a drink because she has to drive.
I've told her to tell him to pay for a taxi there and back to compensate for his lack of driving 😅

your decision. My last bf didn't drive and it wasn't a problem because unlike me he wasn't unable to use public transport. But it's up to you, nobody's going to force you.

So disappointing to see yet another thread on mumsnet bashing non drivers. There's one every few days describing people who don't drive in the most derogatory terms.

It does seem weird that several friends are going and none of them have space for her.

🤣 I can just imagine the cat sitting imperiously in the back seat and your sister getting out and opening the door for it.

I wouldn’t care, but then I would be put off by a man who wanted to live a really car-reliant life because that wouldn’t suit me, so we’re all different. (probably wouldn’t consider him some sort of lazy non-adult lesser being for not doing things exactly the same way I do though.)

It was genuinely on my requirement list while dating.

Current DH can’t swim (~that wasn’t on the list~) and I find that enough of an arse now we have a kid that needs swimming lessons that fall on me.

I'm not a big car user, it wouldn't bother me (and carless people somehow seem more interesting, I can't put my finger on why).