Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

[ItDoesMyHeadIn]

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

That's fair enough.

And the women who fall into both categories thank you for screening yourself out, since it saves us doing it 👍

Exactly @Maverickess. We chose where we live because we can drive. Although, I wouldn't have the job I do if I couldn't drive either.

When I lived in London I had no reason to learn to drive, so I totally understand why many Londoners don't drive.

If I was in my early 20s and no DCs it wouldn't have bothered me. Now in my mid 40s I probably would have lots of deal breakers like that, not driving (or not willing to learn), not owning a house, not working a full time job plus lots of other things.

There was a period of time where DH was unable to drive and it was a huge responsibility for me TBH as we have kids with lots of stuff going on. As time went on I became quite resentful that he did not get things sorted in order to be able to drive.

@Maverickess

these threads always go the same way, total incredulity that people can have lifestyles that do not require a car, that not everyone wants to live in rural areas or small towns with rubbish public transport.
London is not the only city with good public transport systems, most big cities do, and even some smaller ones.
I live in a small city in the midlands, I have all the amenities on my doorstep, cinemas, theatres, leisure facilities including a town centre water park, shops etc etc. I can be in Birmingham in 20 minutes on the train, Euston in an hour. I have no shortage of job opportunities.
The fact that someone else can’t do their job without driving is totally irrelevant to me, because I can. I also don’t want to spend hours a day commuting, I like my 20 minute walk to the office.

If you pardon the pun, the fact that I don’t drive, does not drive where I live or the jobs I do, its the opposite. Its because of where I live and the lifestyle I want, that means I don’t need to drive.

I’m sure many people here would consider me lazy or lacking ambition. I do have a reasonable career, but I am not motivated by money or the thought of progressing up a property ladder. My three bed terrace is more than adequate for my needs, the mortgage is paid off, I’m not sitting here in my huge open plan detached house worrying about the gas and electricity, nor do I need to worry about the price of petrol.
So if all,that makes this middle aged, grey haired civil servant ‘weird’ than so be it.

These threads are always really helpful in identifying the parochial, small town mentality posters. I love it.

So learning to drive is a reliable demonstrative indicator of “get up and go”? Hilarious. I‘m sure you could go to any town in the UK and find slobs with X reg Clios who drive to the takeaway, Coral, a mates, and back home again.

Hell, even Ronnie Pickering (who? 😃) had a driving licence. Does he have the kind of “get up and go” that gets you going @Rsoleseverywhere ?

But here - let me put someone very, very dear to me up for criticism in case anyone wants to talk about his get up and go.

Didn’t learn to drive until age 34, when his first DC was on the way and he wanted to drive her home. Because before that, he’d spent years in New York, Singapore and Hong Kong in finance, and London originally. No need to drive.

Has enough “get up and go” to take professional exams every few years. Two major promotions, and I won’t get into earnings or career but yeah.

And yet until the age of 34, he would be considered completely non datable because you’d have to “ferry him around” everywhere and do “all the driving”.

Just.. the mind boggles how people can’t see beyond their (very limited( worlds.

These threads are always really helpful in identifying the parochial, small town mentality posters. I love it.

And those who live somewhere where public transport is plentiful and Ubers are only seconds away.

Just.. the mind boggles how people can’t see beyond their (very limited( worlds.

Exactly.

My dh not driving didn't bother me before kids but now I really resent him for it. We live somewhere with very poor public transport so if it wasn't for me driving the kids would go nowhere at weekends/holidays. My 3 year old has to walk over a mile to nursery every day regardless of the weather as I leave too early for work to take him. Also hate the fact he can't ever take a turn to do the weekly food shop. It's also stopped my son from being able to do a sports club he loved as dh couldn't get him there.

👏👏👏 well said! Never have I agreed with a MN post more.

Hey, at least he drives!😜

You know people can choose where they live for the most part right? And that if you don't drive, choosing somewhere that public transport is plentiful and Ubers are seconds away (actually I contest that because Uber hasn't made it as far as I live!) Is possible? For the very reason that you need it to get around? Much like a car driver might choose a house with a drive because they need to park their car, non drivers can choose a house near a bus/train stop because they need it? Even if you don't have a driving licence? (Because apparently only a driving licence means you could be in control of your own destiny, couldn't possibly be able to do that without one) or even more shockingly like @Ted27 who has chosen a lifestyle that means driving isn't relevant or needed.

Just because you couldn't manage without a car because of the choices you've made, or you have chosen to drive because you enjoy it (or any reason really) doesn't mean everyone else makes those choices by default and if they can't drive then they can't cope. People make the right choices for them. It's like me saying that no one needs to drive a car because I can manage without one, what applies to me doesn't apply to everyone.

Just as well all public transport workers learned to drive then. People can choose where to live, but transport services can suddenly be cut, making driving a necessity particularly for night shift workers.

I would be put off tbh. Would not want to be in a relationship where I had to do all the necessary driving, though would be and am quite happy to share it.

Unfortunately, one of the issues where I live is that bus services keep being cut, so a non driver might move here based on the current public transport set up then find that they can't get to work after living here for a year because the service no longer runs.

The train strikes haven't helped either.

I would say that it is more likely that a non driver wouldn't want to live here though. DD went to university in a city with good public transport and has stayed there for work. She can't drive for medical reasons, and job opportunities round here aren't plentiful, so she has made the right decision.

@Linenn

bit of a ridiculous statement really, public transport workers have chosen to do a job requiring a specific skill which they have acquired and for which I am happy to pay for, in the same way as I recently paid for the skills of an electrician, plasterer and vet. There is nothing in my life which requires the skill of driving.
I’m not a night shift worker so again irrelevant.
Yes I understand that services can be cut, but not busy urban services packed to the rafters.
for illustrative purposes, in the last three weeks I have required the following services Buses -0, train - once, taxi - twice.
much cheaper than running a car which would hardly be used

Thats why I wouldn’t date someone who couldn’t drive a train, tram, boat or aeroplane.

Why specifically night shift workers? I was one, across two industries, for around 10 years and I never had an issue?

No one's dissing driving you know, I'm not saying you, or anyone shouldn't, I'm saying it's possible to arrange your life around not doing so....... Why is that so offensive?

I worked nights for a while a few years ago. Couldn’t have got public transport or either there or back.
But TBF even if I could I’d have felt way safer in the car.
But I wouldn’t have agreed to the shifts if I couldn’t drive.

Excuse me, plenty of public transport workers don't or can't drive a car. Lots of the older generation of train drivers never learned. They walk or cycle to the depot. Then there are the maintenance and ancillary staff.

As it happens, I've driven trains, boats and aeroplanes in the past. Not a lot of trams around here to practice on, they were cut in the fifties.

@SavoirFlair

Just.. the mind boggles how people can’t see beyond their (very limited( worlds.

I think the same can be said for those living in the bigger cities with good public transport links and lots of amenities within walking distance or on a bus route.

They can't even begin to understand smaller cities and towns with poor public transport - where public transport from one town to the next town just 20 miles away, takes 2 hours and doesn't run at all evenings and weekends! Or living on a route with only 1 bus every two hours, so if it turns up early or is cancelled, you've a 2 hour wait or have to abandon your journey. Or where you have to travel to another town for basic amenities such as a public swimming pool or sports centre (which are often built out of town, so nowhere near railway nor bus stations!).

@Badbadbunny

You never see a non driver criticising people who live in places with poor transport links for having a car.

I'm not so dense that I don't understand that in some places and circumstances a car is a necessity. I wouldn't argue otherwise.

That's the difference

@Ted27

You never see a non driver criticising people who live in places with poor transport links for having a car.

Yes, you do.

You never see a non driver criticising people who live in places with poor transport links for having a car.

On MN? A lot. You will be told that you need to move to somewhere with brilliant public transport most likely. 🤷‍♀️