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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

907 replies

ItDoesMyHeadIn · 11/06/2022 12:25

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

OP posts:
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SpindleSheWrote · 11/06/2022 12:38

HellFireClub · 11/06/2022 12:29

fuck off crazy feminists

🤔Charming

Well quite, @HellFireClub

That level of intellectual opacity might itself be thought a dealbreaker for many; but each to their own.

Hugasauras · 11/06/2022 12:39

Oh and as a prime example, DH is a gamer and that's not a dealbreaker for me (cos I am too Grin) But for others it is and that's fine.

mintybobs · 11/06/2022 12:39

Yes, huge turn off.

NOT because the skill of driving is particularly important to me but because this would mean I would be the one ferrying us around everywhere, taking the kids to and from their clubs, driving us into town and on long journeys etc and it would piss me right off if it was always on my shoulders to do that. Its not really fair either as that would mean I could never have wine when out etc either..

PandaBrush · 11/06/2022 12:39

People with cars are much more lazy than those walking, catching public transport etc and I say this as a car driver.

You can date or not date whoever you want for whatever reason.

milawops · 11/06/2022 12:40

Not an issue for me but that's mainly because I'm the worlds worst passenger. I insist on driving everywhere. On the rare occasion he drives I last half an hour tops before I'm asking to swap.

Mumdiva99 · 11/06/2022 12:43

My husband rarely drives and never out of our local area. It does annoy me sometimes but he has other qualities I appreciate. If I don't want to drive for 8 hours up to Scotland on holiday we don't go there....
The one we do fall out on occasionally is driving to see his family. They love a distance away and are very awkward people. (I love taking the kids to his parents but his siblings are another matter. More than happy to host them here but unless there is a Z in the month and the wind is blowing from the northsoutheast then it is never convenient for them to come.......)

onthefencesitter · 11/06/2022 12:43

RockStarMartini · 11/06/2022 12:36

I hate the way it’s referred to as ‘doesn’t’ or ‘don’t’ drive. It’s a basic life skill and unless there’s a medical reason why you can’t drive I think most adults should be able to.

I think private car ownership would be less common in London honestly. Unless you can buy an electric car at £26k. So many of my neighbours have given up their cars (zone 3) probably cos it's an unnecessary cost..

I come from a country where the certificate to own a car is the equivalent of £40k, never mind the cost of the car, insurance, road tax and petrol. Most people don't drive! My dad is a driver but he says there would probably be self driving Ubers..

Obsessedwithpizzas · 11/06/2022 12:44

'basic life skill' trotted out again. I don't drive, I tried but I just couldn't get to grips with it and failed several tests. I decided I didn't want to, people are entitled to be put off me for it but I couldn't care less really.
It's not a basic life skill, not everybody has the ability.
Some grown adults can't swim, can't ride a bike, and so on

Pegasushaswings · 11/06/2022 12:44

Yes it would put me off at any age over 20-fast forward to if you have little kids and he was just sitting there as a passenger not dealing with their constant demands whilst you are driving.

Original poster
ItDoesMyHeadIn · 11/06/2022 12:47

I don't want children so that's not an issue, I'm also definitely not the kind of person to drive to the corner shop etc, I don't really drive at all over the weekend unless far away, I'm a big walker. I just think so many things would get in the way if my partner doesn't drive.

OP posts:
Hallyup89 · 11/06/2022 12:47

Some people are so weird. You'd genuinely miss the opportunity for a perfectly good relationship just because the guy can't drive? A skill that he could quite easily acquire if he needed to?

He's probably better off without you, to be honest.

LadyApplejack · 11/06/2022 12:49

It would be a non-starter for me. Where I live a car is standard and I'd hate being the designated driver all the time. Tbh in your case I'd be put off that he just couldn't be arsed to learn, when it's something most people do if able.

lickenchugget · 11/06/2022 12:51

Partypoooooper · 11/06/2022 12:27

Deal breaker for me.

I also would date someone with an Xbox/playstation.

Same and same.

LoveLarry · 11/06/2022 12:51

TheVolturi · 11/06/2022 12:29

Yanbu because us mnetters like to perv on our men while they're reversing with their arm on the headrest, you cannot miss out on this op.

Just this. I was going to say the same thing Smile

namechangetheworld · 11/06/2022 12:52

YANBU. I would find it incredibly unattractive if a grown man refused to learn to drive. It would be like going out with a teenager. It would also make a relationship very one sided - as much as non drivers like to claim independence, in reality they would depend on the other person A LOT to get them around.

LoobyDop · 11/06/2022 12:52

Yes, I had an ex who couldn’t drive. Being the one who had to do it every time got very tedious very quickly. It would always be a dealbreaker for me now.

bilbodog · 11/06/2022 12:52

I believe it is a life skill and i married someone who cant drive because he has epilepsy. Although my DH has done well professionally there is no doubt he could have done better and been less restricted with his jobs if he could have driven. It also meant, as a family, we had to live close to london so he had access to good public transport.

i obviously knew all this when we married but there have been many times when i wish i could have shared the driving or sent him off to pick up the kids etc and havent been able to.

i made sure our kids could drive as soon as they hit 17.

namechangetheworld · 11/06/2022 12:53

Yanbu because us mnetters like to perv on our men while they're reversing with their arm on the headrest, you cannot miss out on this op.

Also this. So bloody sexy.

rainbowduck · 11/06/2022 12:53

HellFireClub · 11/06/2022 12:29

fuck off crazy feminists

🤔Charming

Same.

You sound very angry OP.

anniegun · 11/06/2022 12:54

Same with women who don't drive? Or is driving a man requirement

Obsessedwithpizzas · 11/06/2022 12:54

There's generally less stigma regarding women who don't drive than men for some reason.

Peckhampalace · 11/06/2022 12:55

Depends on transport alternatives. DH doesn't drive and managed fine when single and still does now but we have good public transport. I can only think of a couple of times when I would have been grateful for another driver. Longer distance we do by train and would be happy to hire a car once there if necessary.

Original poster
ItDoesMyHeadIn · 11/06/2022 12:55

anniegun · 11/06/2022 12:54

Same with women who don't drive? Or is driving a man requirement

Nope. Same, works both ways!

OP posts:
onthefencesitter · 11/06/2022 12:55

namechangetheworld · 11/06/2022 12:52

YANBU. I would find it incredibly unattractive if a grown man refused to learn to drive. It would be like going out with a teenager. It would also make a relationship very one sided - as much as non drivers like to claim independence, in reality they would depend on the other person A LOT to get them around.

DH and I both don't drive..we take the train, tube and bus together, going to St Alban's tomorrow and it's easy enough to get there by train (after all there are people who commute to the city daily)..we do live in London though! DH's mum doesn't drive and she was a single mum of 4 kids. Her family don't live in the UK. She just took them on public transport everywhere!

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 11/06/2022 12:56

My dad can't drive due to a relatively trivial vision problem. (Colourblindness!)

As kids we had plenty of holidays, they just didn't involve cars. Trains, buses, planes, the odd taxi. It really wasn't an issue...