Page 34 | Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

sacklunch · 01/07/2022 08:22

MarmiteCoriander · 11/06/2022 12:29

If someone had a medical issue and couldn't drive, that is very different to just being lazy. I'm not sure how you'd know that BEFORE going on the date?

I'd be worried about down the line, IF you have children and what would happen if you or children needed an urgent GP/hospital visit? Getting groceries etc? I guess you pay for deliveries? There are many people that manage- but it wouldn't be my preferred choice.

I've lived 40 years not driving, have a child who is home educated, and it does take a lot of traveling some days, but we make it fun. I grew up without a car. It kept me fit and healthy walking to work from age 15. Not having a car is the opposite of living a lazy life. I work and manage hobbies and social life all via public transport. Emergencies we use taxis, which are reasonably priced where we live. I also like giving them my money, they work long hours and are part of my community.

timeisnotaline · 01/07/2022 10:36

ReneBumsWombats · 01/07/2022 07:57

So are sewing and DIY, would you automatically discount any man who can't sew a button back on or put up some shelves?

Personally yes, if he wasn't prepared to learn. I like capable, proactive men who get shit done.

This too. I’d never seen my dp do anything handy when I married him and his family were all in health/medicine, but we bought a dump and he did a lot of the work to restore our house- tiling, insulating, framing and waterproofing, put in a kitchen. A can do attitude is a must, and I can’t see any can do attitude about choosing not to drive. (I’m excluding health and financial reasons, these are legitimate barriers for many people)

Hoppymclimpy · 01/07/2022 12:44

We've all got our deal breakers but not driving isn't an issue for me. My DP is 48 and has never had a lesson and has no intention to. Both of us are diagnosed ADHD and for him, driving would be pretty dangerous for others. He struggles massively with executive function skills and he recognises that driving is something best left alone. I can drive. Do I mind that I'm always the one driving? No because he brings so much more to the table than just the ability to drive a car! He's capable, honest, intelligent and supports me with my own ADHD and physical disability struggles. Relationships are about complementing each other, we do that. I'd not be with someone who drinks alcohol, thats my deal breaker. Each to their own....the world would be a boring place if we all thought the same!

User310 · 11/07/2022 23:55

Ultimately, non drivers will never know the difference between driving and not driving.

It absolutely does limit your opportunities, relationships and life choices, that’s not to say that people who don’t drive don’t have good lives.

If you live in a busy city then I can absolutely see why you don’t drive but it’s still a life skill I feel everybody should probably see the benefit of having it to fall back on if needs be.

it would put me off a perspective partner, I would see it as slightly small minded (in terms of a lack of spontaneity, practicality, competence and independence).

I have been with a non-driver and I ended up really resentful.

PinkPupZ · 12/07/2022 00:08

Wouldn't bother me if he was a nice person.

hangrylady · 24/07/2022 09:22

DdraigGoch · 30/06/2022 23:34

So are sewing and DIY, would you automatically discount any man who can't sew a button back on or put up some shelves?

Given some of the useless men who are the subject of many an AIBU thread, inability to drive ought to be the least of your worries.

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Yes I would. I couldn't be with someone so useless that they couldn't do basic DIY or sew on a button.

KingofLoss · 24/07/2022 09:25

When I was younger I was willing and did date men who didn’t drive.

as I got older it became a dealbreaker. There was just no way I was gonna end up long term with a man who couldn’t drive me to hospital in labour or where I had to drive us all home while recovering! When I met DH he didn’t own a car but had a licence and that was fine for me, I knew that when things got serious it wouldn’t be a year long barrier to him getting a car as he was already licensed, it just didn’t make sense for him to own one at that time but he’d put the effort into getting his licence.

now, if we ever split, no chance would I date a non driver. Absolutely not.

DiscoHeat · 24/07/2022 09:29

I think it depends on the man.

One who will happily use public transport on occasion or can cycle short distances, that’s ok.

One who makes unreasonable demands on you driving everywhere for him or even worse promising to others that you will drive them “don’t worry Great-aunt Fushia, Disco will drive Tiddles the cat to the vet for you at 10.30 on a Monday morning and then drive on to the DPD warehouse to drop off that International parcel for you”

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 24/07/2022 11:22

Wouldn’t bother me. I don’t need a car but hire one when necessary. When friends drive me and DH anywhere, eg we have a holiday or a day out together, we always pay for the petrol, and lunch too if it’s a lot of driving.

On the odd occasion someone specifically gives me a lift, not to somewhere they were going anyway, I hope I reciprocate enough by doing other favours, the normal kind of thing among friends.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 24/07/2022 11:27

It absolutely does limit your opportunities, relationships and life choices, that’s not to say that people who don’t drive don’t have good lives.

I learnt to drive in my 30s, and I can’t think of any way it affected my opportunities, relationships or life choices up till then.

DdraigGoch · 24/07/2022 11:29

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 24/07/2022 11:27

It absolutely does limit your opportunities, relationships and life choices, that’s not to say that people who don’t drive don’t have good lives.

I learnt to drive in my 30s, and I can’t think of any way it affected my opportunities, relationships or life choices up till then.

I can't think of a way either.

Sparklingbrook · 24/07/2022 12:38

I can think of loads of ways that not learning to drive at 17 would have limited me. As has been said a lot on this thread it depends where you live how much that's the case.

Palamon · 24/07/2022 14:19

Much like swimming, I view being able to drive as a life skill. My kids have taken driving lessons and passed their tests at 17. Pretty much all of their friends have done the same.

We don’t have any friends that can’t drive, so to me, it’s pretty odd.

Wildfloral · 26/01/2023 15:12

ItDoesMyHeadIn · 11/06/2022 12:25

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

Totally understand this. I find it's okay for the man to not drive when you meet, but it's really important they learn to drive ASAP once the relationship get serious... marriage..honeymoon...kids... Does this kind of man think you will be happy driving yourself out of town for a romantic weekend getaway? Or taking yourself to hospital with a preganacy complication, or worse, in labour? These are man-children; forever willing to be the passenger in your life and never take the lead.

Wasteofmoneyornot · 26/01/2023 15:29

He's probably had lessons and passed his test as this thread is now over 6 months old

CaffeineMama · 27/01/2023 00:45

I think man-who-cant-drive had dodged a bullet. Wtaf are all of you who would be put off by this on about? I just don't understand...

Boooooot · 27/01/2023 11:21

CaffeineMama · 27/01/2023 00:45

I think man-who-cant-drive had dodged a bullet. Wtaf are all of you who would be put off by this on about? I just don't understand...

Because it’s really unattractive to me that it would mean I had to do ALL the driving all of the time.

ThreeblackCats · 27/01/2023 11:27

In my opinion, yabu. He could have been the one , but you dismissed him because he doesn’t drive.
you don’t have to drive everywhere, you could still enjoy your Scottish holidays, because …coach trips, trains. Takeaways can be delivered if you live more than walking distance away from the restaurant.
I only bothered to learn to drive in my late 20’s when I had moved outside of London. Now I’m back near to another city, I rarely drive unless I’m eating ‘up north’ to see my grandchildren and their mum (my daughter) my younger daughter is rural, she drives. My middle daughter is city centre, never bothered to learn to drive.
you are being not only unreasonable, but judgemental.

Keptani · 27/01/2023 12:29

Wouldn’t bother me as I live in London and if they did too and had no plans to leave, there is no real need to drive. I can do but choose not to.

BanjoKnockers · 27/01/2023 19:02

YABU

PeachesPudding · 27/01/2023 19:17

Driving is a fairly basic life skill. I’d skip the date too. Actually I’m really particular… wouldn’t consider a smoker or someone who played golf or supported a football club either 😂

TheGoogleMum · 27/01/2023 19:21

It didn't put me off DH when we got together but in fairness we were students and I didn't drive either. Now we both drive, if I was single again I think it would put me off I wouldn't want to be the one having to do all driving

rainbowduck · 27/01/2023 19:40

ThreeblackCats · 27/01/2023 11:27

In my opinion, yabu. He could have been the one , but you dismissed him because he doesn’t drive.
you don’t have to drive everywhere, you could still enjoy your Scottish holidays, because …coach trips, trains. Takeaways can be delivered if you live more than walking distance away from the restaurant.
I only bothered to learn to drive in my late 20’s when I had moved outside of London. Now I’m back near to another city, I rarely drive unless I’m eating ‘up north’ to see my grandchildren and their mum (my daughter) my younger daughter is rural, she drives. My middle daughter is city centre, never bothered to learn to drive.
you are being not only unreasonable, but judgemental.

The one

Give your head a shake.

Prettybutdumb · 27/01/2023 19:45

Agrudge · 11/06/2022 12:30

Why???

Would rather a partner be at home with the family gaming ?

Or

Down the pub with his mates getting pissed?

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Gaming with the family? 🙄

I despise gamers and would divorce in a split second any man becoming a chore avoiding / late night gaming man-child. 🤮

juice92 · 27/01/2023 22:37

What makes you think all men who game are chore avoiding men children?

My Husband games, he is not a man child, does his share of housework, works hard and is generally a pretty great Husband.

I'd much rather being at home and gaming for a couple of hours in the evening, than coming home bladdered drunk.

I'm assuming you don't know many gamers