Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

[ItDoesMyHeadIn]

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

Unless they lived in central London and could afford an occasional chaffeur or taxi if needed then it would put me off. I don't want to do adulting any more than I do already.

But what is "all the driving"? I live in a place with great amenities and public transport links. The only time I need to get a lift is an occasional social event which takes place in a rural pub without an evening bus service. The lift is provided by the organiser for me and another attendee from a pick-up point convenient to them so they're not going out of their way.

Otherwise I'm quite happy to outsource the driving to a bus/train driver which means that both of us can have a drink.

Wouldn't bother me at all.
Some people can drive but have to give up due to health etc. What would matter was if he/she was a decent person.

I think there are other options, it's not one or the other.
I dated a serious gamer and he became very antisocial and obsessive. It's often quite intrusive too, so either in the bedroom or living room. I rarely hear of gamers playing twice a week for a few hours. It's a common pattern.

All the driving for us would be:

All school and nursery drop offs and pick ups
All the supermarket trips
Every visit to family
Literally going anywhere tbh.

Plus my husband wouldn’t be able to work if he didn’t drive.

Jobs with a commute and poor transport links? I couldn't do my current job without being able to drive both in terms of the commute and getting to other work sites that generally have very poor or non-existent public transport links. Taxis would be ridiculously expensive.

Plenty of jobs specify a full driving licence as requirement.

But you've established your households around being able to drive. Not really relevant to this situation. This thread is about two people who are not in an established relationship and may at some point move in together. That could be into his house which may be very convenient for all amenities.

Driving is a fairly basic life skill.

No it's not. Taking responsibility for getting yourself about, whatever method is used, is a fairly basic life skill.
If you don't drive, you arrange your life around it and just get on with it. Some people seem really disappointed that this can be done.

Not so important if you live in a city.

My thoughts exactly, what in the world is wrong with finding enjoyment in video games? There are far worse hobbies. 🤦‍♂️

I know this is an old thread, but if I was on the dating market, the answer would be yes. I live in a village and have to drive a lot. sharing the driving would be something I would want to do. Since DH's stroke I do 99% of the driving, and sometimes I wish he would take the wheel more often.

He is capable, he just doesn't want to drive.

If you mean wouldn't date a gamer, I agree.

It wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me. I live in the city and my lifestyle does not require driving. However it might be a dealbreaker if I lived somewhere rural.

I can drive and still hate it when driving is touted as this big life skill. It really isn't. As long as you can get yourself about via public transport or your own two legs then that's the skill, surely?

Driving is also not free and not everybody is great at it. I failed three tests and the lessons cost me thousands of pounds, and that's before you have to buy and maintain a car.

Sorry I should add that obviously you can choose to not date anyone for any reason, or no reason at all.

I would think it weird if a grown man couldn’t drive without good reason. Also applies to women.

I think it is a life skill and part of being an adult. As soon as our kids turned 17, they learned to drive and had passed their tests within 6 months of starting. The longer you leave it, the harder it is.

*I can drive and still hate it when driving is touted as this big life skill. It really isn't. As long as you can get yourself about via public transport or your own two legs then that's the skill, surely?

I think you need to add in the context of the area you live in. Where we live, not being able to drive would be a massive drawback. In London it isn't necessary.

No. It wouldn't.

Because I'm not shallow.

I despise gamers and would divorce in a split second any man becoming a chore avoiding / late night gaming man-child.

Sounds like they would have a lucky escape.

Hmmmm I don’t think I’d cancel the date, but it would be one of the things I’d weigh up. If he had other helpless type tendencies I would probably not continue the relationship

But also, I wouldn’t be looking to settle down / start a family as a result of the dating so it would matter less. I’ve already got my children and certainly wouldn’t be moving in with anyone whilst they’re at home.

And that mam would be better off without you. As would any man.

Not being a driver would put me off a date, aside from medical issues. It is a life skill, you're in charge of over a ton or 2 of metal, it doesn't take being involved in a collision to realise this. Passing the test shows commitment and get up and go. Life is so much easier, I give family and friends lifts to medical appointments, nights out etc. Public transport where I am can be unreliable, not driving for me is a must.

I can't drive and therefore I wouldn't choose to live in an area that required me to, because I'm not an idiot (despite my lack of being an adult or having the only life skill worth anything according to many 😜).
I factor it in to where I live like I do things like affordability, schools (well I did when I needed to) amenities etc.
I also factor it in to where I apply to work, I wouldn't apply for a job that required driving no more than I would as an astronaut because I don't have the qualifications required.

(Not aimed at the poster quoted but in general) Why is it so hard to understand that people can actually do that? And that they're ok with it? That they just get on with it? I've arranged my life around it, just in the same way I have around my income and preferences.

If someone had a burning desire to live in the middle of nowhere that required me to drive, then that'd be a deal breaker for me, because I don't particularly want to live in the middle of nowhere anyway, regardless of my driving lack of status.
And if they insisted that they'd never use a train or bus, so they didn't have to drive all the time, but that I must drive so they didn't have to all the time, that'd also be a deal breaker for me too because it shows absolutely no compromise whatsoever, and I don't want that in a relationship.

I couldn't date a woman who didn't drive, or one who rented. Both deal breakers for me.