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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

907 replies

ItDoesMyHeadIn · 11/06/2022 12:25

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

OP posts:
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Sparklingbrook · 14/06/2022 22:20

DdraigGoch · 14/06/2022 21:32

But presumably beards are "just not for you". You don't say that "bearded men are not real men", "only prostitutes have beards", "you can't be a fully-functioning member of society with a beard", "people with beards just expect others to run around after them" or any of the other offensive things that have been said about non-drivers.

I have been married since forever. If I ever had to do a dating wish list though-

Must drive.
No beards.

And lots of other requirements TBF.

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/06/2022 23:03

DdraigGoch · 14/06/2022 14:39

In case you missed this ... public transport is hugely expensive

Owning and running a car isn't exactly free. The average cost of motoring is £3.5k/year. An annual season ticket on the train for the average commuting distance would cost less than that, by bus it would only be around £600/700.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA !!! Deluded and clueless doesn't even begin to cover it. A season ticket for the train for someone who lives in Birmingham and works in London is over £6000 a year!

www.nationalrail.co.uk/times_fares/Season-Calculator.aspx

And let's not even MENTION the strikes, the railway line and train station maintenance works, and train delays and cancellations blah blah blah... Yeah getting a train is sooooooooooooo much better! PMSL!

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/06/2022 23:14

@Frazzledmummy123

as opposed to living in such a way that if suddenly the car went off the road or God forbid, something happened that you couldn't drive, you would be isolated and wee Billy would have to miss his clubs, etc. How independent eh! 🙄 . A set of wheels doesn't dictate if my kids attend their clubs and events..

Such a dumb, narrow-minded post. My kids primary school was 10 minutes walk away, and their secondary school was a 20 minute walk away. But many of their extra curricular activities; dance and drama and music, and singing lessons, various sports, (MMA, swimming, fencing, basketball etc,) and venues that their theatre club had their shows in, were all over the place, all over the town, and sometimes in another town.

I don't believe for a SECOND that anyone with children can give them a good, decent, full childhood right up to (and including) the university years WITHOUT A CAR. There's no way that every single activity or hobby or sport or pastime, that they are involved in (for the 13-14 years of school and college life,) is within 10 minutes walk or a short 10-15 minute jaunt on the bus.

I can only surmise that your child(ren) have very limited lives with very few things going on in them. That must be the case, because regarding what a pp said, the only children I ever knew who had parents without a car, had very dull and mundane existences, did fuck-all outside of school, and went on to do very little with their lives, because of the lack of opportunities when they were children, because the parents could rarely get to them anything, because they couldn't drive.

When my DC went to college, it was 10-12 minute drive or AN HOUR AND A HALF on the bus. I was able to take them AND fetch them back as I worked part time flexible hours, and so I did. Why the fuck would I make them get public transport and waste 3 hours of their day EVERY WEEKDAY, when it's 25 minutes by car? Because it's character building? Because they will then know how to use the bus??? Confused

LMFAO, do me a favour. No fucking WAY would anyone with a scrap of common sense NOT drive the kids when it's only 25 minutes round trip, to save them 3 hours on the bus!

And the very idea that if children are driven about (more than they get public transport,) means they won't know how to use public transport, is pathetic and farcical. Several posters here are just chatting shit and coming out with utter nonsense to try and prove themselves 'right.' (They're not right btw!) What's more, as a pp said, we did all used to go to places by public transport sometimes, often to cities, for concerts, and day trips, (where it was easier and faster by train or bus...) Quite often it is not faster by public transport though , as I and @Windbeneathmybingowings and some others have stated.

As I said, I would drive my kids about a lot (and so would DH,) and SHOCKER, they knew how to use the buses and trains on their own when they were 15/16 and started going out a lot on their own or with mates. They can even go on holiday abroad now and use a plane all by themselves, and even BOOK the trips too. I know right! And after being driven around quite a bit through childhood too! SHOCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shock

And LOL at you saying 'oooooh people without a car are just so STUCK when said car breaks downs!!!' As if public transport is SO reliable!!! The trains in the UK are some of the most unreliable in the world. And who wants to wait for buses that go once an hour, get you there too late, or too early, and where you get soaked in the rain waiting for them? When you could be in a lovely warm car, and there in much less time?

GoldenOmber · 14/06/2022 23:21

I don't believe for a SECOND that anyone with children can give them a good, decent, full childhood right up to (and including) the university years WITHOUT A CAR.

I know, right? Those of us with disabilities shouldn’t even be allowed to have kids. Perhaps you could start some sort of campaign to have them removed from our care?

(Are you sure you’re entirely safe behind a wheel yourself, btw? You do seem so very, very angry about everything.)

BobbinHood · 14/06/2022 23:31

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/06/2022 23:03

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA !!! Deluded and clueless doesn't even begin to cover it. A season ticket for the train for someone who lives in Birmingham and works in London is over £6000 a year!

www.nationalrail.co.uk/times_fares/Season-Calculator.aspx

And let's not even MENTION the strikes, the railway line and train station maintenance works, and train delays and cancellations blah blah blah... Yeah getting a train is sooooooooooooo much better! PMSL!

That’s hardly an average commute to compare against the average cost of running a car. Why don’t you go the whole hog -

A SEASON TICKET from JOHN O’GROATS to LANDS END would be £46723377334.99!!!! So DELUDED it boils my PISS!!!!

Driving from London to Birmingham and back every day would cost £13,920 in fuel alone (assuming petrol engine with average mpg, petrol at £1.80 per litre), before taking into account tax and other costs of owning and using a vehicle.

It also takes longer. Average train time from Euston to Birmingham New Street is 1 hr 22 minutes. The same journey by car would take approximately an hour more (assuming no traffic). So that’s 2 hours more per day, 10 per week, 460 per year assuming this employee gets 30 days leave. There would have to be 19 days of strike action every year to outweigh that.

But this is nonsense anyway, because nobody in their right mind commutes from London to Birmingham so it’s a truly bizarre example to come up with.

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 14/06/2022 23:31

I don't believe for a SECOND that anyone with children can give them a good, decent, full childhood right up to (and including) the university years WITHOUT A CAR

Absolute crap.

BobbinHood · 14/06/2022 23:36

I dare say the advantage of not having a parent with clear anger management issues will help outweigh the massive disadvantage I’m putting my DD at by living in an area which means we walk, cycle and take public transport. I know which childhood I’d prefer. (She’ll also grow up knowing what’s an appropriate number of exclamation marks to use per sentence, but that’s secondary.)

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/06/2022 23:39

@BobbinHood

But this is nonsense anyway, because nobody in their right mind commutes from London to Birmingham so it’s a truly bizarre example to come up with.

Wow, you get more narrow minded and clueless with each passing post.

THOUSANDS of people commute from Birmingham/the west mids to LONDON to work. DO you live in a cave?

Why the F do you think they do a bloody season ticket if people don't need them? Mindboggling ignorance and narrow mindedness.

@GoldenOmber

You do seem so very, very angry about everything.

Ah, the predictable misogynistic bollocks that is always spouted on here when someone has a bit of a passionate view or a bit of a rant. YOU SOUND ANGRY......... head tilt.

You won't shut me down with your 'calm down luv' trope. So don't even try.

ForestFae · 14/06/2022 23:40

This thread is hilarious now. Some posters are absolutely unhinged. 😂

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/06/2022 23:41

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 14/06/2022 23:31

I don't believe for a SECOND that anyone with children can give them a good, decent, full childhood right up to (and including) the university years WITHOUT A CAR

Absolute crap.

No it's not. How the fuck can you take your child to all the things that are NOT WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE, or accessible by bus, if you can't drive.

I chose to give my children a better childhood than some. But that's just me.

XenoBitch · 14/06/2022 23:41

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 14/06/2022 23:31

I don't believe for a SECOND that anyone with children can give them a good, decent, full childhood right up to (and including) the university years WITHOUT A CAR

Absolute crap.

Indeed. There was no car featured in my childhood until my mid teens. My parents just could not afford a car. We went on UK holidays on coaches and trains.

GoldenOmber · 14/06/2022 23:42

What is it you think I’m going to shut you down about, exactly? What is your cause here? “Some people don’t have cars and they are WRONG and I HATE them”?

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 14/06/2022 23:42

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/06/2022 23:41

No it's not. How the fuck can you take your child to all the things that are NOT WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE, or accessible by bus, if you can't drive.

I chose to give my children a better childhood than some. But that's just me.

You are Polly Perfect we get it. Your cap lock seems stuck btw.

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/06/2022 23:42

ForestFae · 14/06/2022 23:40

This thread is hilarious now. Some posters are absolutely unhinged. 😂

Ah there it is. The disgusting personal insult aimed at people who come out with things they dislike. 'You sound unhinged...' So basically, because someone has a bit of a rant, they're mentally ill? You should be fucking ashamed of yourself.

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/06/2022 23:44

GoldenOmber · 14/06/2022 23:42

What is it you think I’m going to shut you down about, exactly? What is your cause here? “Some people don’t have cars and they are WRONG and I HATE them”?

Well you tell me... 'You sound angry' is the typical shitty line people come out with to basically say 'calm down and shut the fuck up woman.'

ForestFae · 14/06/2022 23:45

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/06/2022 23:42

Ah there it is. The disgusting personal insult aimed at people who come out with things they dislike. 'You sound unhinged...' So basically, because someone has a bit of a rant, they're mentally ill? You should be fucking ashamed of yourself.

Because you haven’t insulted anyone at all, have you? Such a paragon of compassion and virtue. How could I have been so cruel?! Truly, I have hurt an innocent lamb, who never did a thing to provoke such an unkind comment! Fate is a cruel mistress!

SocksAndTheCity · 14/06/2022 23:46

I don't believe for a SECOND that anyone with children can give them a good, decent, full childhood right up to (and including) the university years WITHOUT A CAR.

Or alternatively, 'My experience and consequently my world view is so woefully limited that I am incapable of understanding that other people have different and diverse lifestyles, priorities and needs, and also live in places that are nothing like where I live.

Therefore all those people must be lying or wrong, and I can demonstrate this by throwing insults around and shouting at them when they patiently explain their varying situations and describe their circumstances'.

Here's a tip, PBW. If you're going to attempt to be condescending, it helps an awful lot to be in a position from which to condescend.

GoldenOmber · 14/06/2022 23:47

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/06/2022 23:44

Well you tell me... 'You sound angry' is the typical shitty line people come out with to basically say 'calm down and shut the fuck up woman.'

Have you tried walking more? It’s very calming.

ForestFae · 14/06/2022 23:47

GoldenOmber · 14/06/2022 23:47

Have you tried walking more? It’s very calming.

😂

This has me in stitches honestly.

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/06/2022 23:49

You're easily amused aren't you @ForestFae if you found THAT funny. I suppose you think 'you sound unhinged' is funny too. It's not. It's sickening.

ForestFae · 14/06/2022 23:49

Is it as sickening as people not owning cars though?! They’re the real enemy here!

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/06/2022 23:50

ForestFae · 14/06/2022 23:49

Is it as sickening as people not owning cars though?! They’re the real enemy here!

Much worse. You should be ashamed of yourself.

ForestFae · 14/06/2022 23:52

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/06/2022 23:50

Much worse. You should be ashamed of yourself.

its always funny when people are happy to fling insults but can’t take even mild ones back.

Frazzledmummy123 · 14/06/2022 23:58

@PurpleButterflyWings I was going to type out an angry reply to your totally vile message addressed to me, but I can see you are quite clearly mentally unstable so I actually more pity you.

I am pissing myself laughing at the irony of your posts. Someone (quite rightly) called you unhinged and you told them they should be 'fucking ashamed of themselves', minutes after telling someone their children lead limited lives and won't amount to much because they don't drive.

Oh dear, self awareness not one of your strong points?

Scurryfunge12 · 15/06/2022 00:14

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