Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

[ItDoesMyHeadIn]

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

Mine has vision in just one eye and no depth perception. So can't drive, ever. I wouldn't say his disability makes him dumpable.

I'm undecided. DH and I both couldn't drive when we got together but over 10 years later we both can. I think it would put me off a little tbh nowadays but it wouldn't back when I couldn't drive

PurpleButterflyWings has definitely been brutally dumped by a man who couldn't drive. No one could possibly care that much otherwise.

I would prefer someone to be able to drive but it wouldn't be a deal breaker. I only passed my test last year so it would be a little hypocritical. I'm still quite a nervous driver though so wouldn't like all the responsibility on my shoulders really. I live in London so not having a car is manageable.

So , my husband doesn't drive and it's starting to get on my nerves lol
I've tried to encourage him to take lessons or start studying his theory as we are due to have a baby in august and I'm so worried about driving myself hospital in Labour lol....
Anyway , can't add as I married him now lol but yeah it's an issue for many reasons xx

@PurpleButterflyWings you probably don't live in London. If you work in the City, you have to use public transport anyway..Uber is ubiquitous. It's one reason why Sadiq khan can expand the ulez zone to the north circular and probably whole of London and still win the popular vote. If it was necessary to function with a car, there would be more backlash..the backlash towards his reforms were actually from lower income workers who do need cars like carers and NHS staff. Restrictions on cars do not affect the livelihood of city workers

Hugely unattractive and would be a total deal breaker. I wouldn’t want to date someone who couldn’t ‘be arsed’ to develop a life enhancing life skill that would benefit both of us. I would have this attitude even if I still lived in London. What about if you go on to have a serious relationship, you will be doing all the driving when you go away for the weekend, etc. Just a big fat nope.

That doesn’t count and you know it.

Depends on why he doesn't drive.

Neither do I. When I met DH, he was still at university (a couple of years younger than me, I’m not a decade older than him or anything lol) so didn’t earn anything. It never occurred to me I was supposed to be bothered by how much he earns. MN views on relationships are vile

Without feminists you wouldn't be able to have your own credit card, mortgage, car loan, reproductive rights, rape crisis centres, DV refuges...I could go on but yah we are all crazy and don't like our partners paying for dinner.

You know internalised misogyny is a thing right?

When we had DC that joined 3 different football clubs and weekends consisted of driving into the back of beyond and back multiple times I was very glad that DH and I could both drive that's for sure.

You can tie yourself in knots saying how much it makes no difference but there's no getting away from the fact that in certain circumstances it really does.

I see it as a life skill that’s non negotiable. I would totally be put off by it.

With kids I feel that teaching them to ride a bike, swim and drive a car are just basics they need to know!

But you knew he had potential, just by virtue he was at uni.

My mum has a friend whose husband and three children don’t drive.

she is now in her seventies and spends her time running around after everyone - any medical
Appointments for grandchildren, any holiday driving, any runs to collect anything bulky they all ring her. It would drive me mad. Three adult children, five grandchildren and a husband. No one drives!

Genuinely don’t care if people can drive or not as long as they’re good with public transport and aren’t relying on help with it all the time and expecting lifts!

I know everyone says ‘I never expect a lift!’ But there are so many threads on here where some poor woman lives in the sticks with two toddlers, who doesn’t drive and is going mad that her DH won’t take the day off work to drive her to the clinic with a snotty toddler or that the school place she has been given in 1.5 miles away and she can’t possibly walk it or get a bus…

I was very nearly put off by this but instead I met a lovely man who is loving, kind and makes me smile so much. But he makes a huge effort, and does not expect anyone to run round after him, he is very self sufficient. For me that’s the difference, attitude is everything.

There's always divorce 👍

In America a few years ago, several men told me they found the fact that I can drive a manual ("stick shift") very sexy. I need to take what I can get.

See I'd consider that a red flag in a man tbh. Ooh the clever lady can drive a manual car - well done, you're so sexy! Fgs.

I told my DC they were going to need to learn to drive at 17 and pass their test just so that they had it there for whatever the future held for them. Mainly thinking career choices so that they didn't need to be restricted to jobs due to transport etc. So they did.
One lives somewhere currently that it would be problematic to own a car, and nowhere to keep one, however public transport is great (but that could change). One got a job with hours and location that just aren't served by public transport and drives every day.

Not necessarily a deal-breaker, bit it would bother me.

I used to work with 2 (senior to me) male colleagues who didn't drive. They were both married and have kids. Their wives were doing all the grunt work of ferrying the kids around in the car. Both guys were happy with their bicycles - but not to the extent of fitting a child seat / tag-along etc.

I ended up doing quite a bit of driving them around on business trips halfway across the country. It was exhausting. They had no idea of the mental load of driving, the tiredness of motorway driving, the stress of missing an exit etc. Tbf I was quite a novice driver at the time, and I don't find driving so stressful now, but it really irritated me that they were both so oblivious to the work they were creating for people around them.

Depends where you live, here absolutely not, public transport is so hit or miss. In London no big deal

my sister drives her cat to the corner shop!

Whilst this might indicates cats are lazy and really need to learn how to drive, just think about what it would be like if they did! Cats would always think they had the right of way, if they saw a mouse or pigeon on the street they'd go through a red light to get it, and after the inevitable accidents happen, they'd ignore you, walk away and likely piss on your car as they went! So no, cats should never drive.

slow hand clap

Yeah , the wants and needs of everyone in the country are irrelevant, because everyone in LONDON is OK.

Jeezus, you couldn't make this shit up!

It may not have occurred to you as a 20 year old undergraduate but I'd be surprised if it didn't occur to you as a 30 year old professional.