Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

[ItDoesMyHeadIn]

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

ibrows I don't routinely offer him a lift because he is quite capable of getting around without a car. In the context of a thread in which people have variously said that a man not being able to drive is emasculating and that only prostitutes walk, I'm surprised that me letting my husband get rained on occasionally is the bit that's raised your eyebrows.

Mumsnet is like another planet sometimes, i haven’t been in a car for about 2 years (and last time was a taxi, not asking for a lift) yeah we all get driven around everywhere 🤨🤣🤦🏻

Yes, this! I’m a driver, I drove to France today. My husband doesn’t drive, I very rarely drive. We generally walk or cycle, a bit of rain doesn’t stop us going out, we’re not going to melt.

As someone who can't drive for medical reasons I find it amazing that people who can drive don't. I understand if you live in London so don't have a car, but it limits where you can live, work, it's awful. Bus is cancelled then you are extremely late or have a large cab fare!
I've lost friends and have had to miss going to things because there's no public transport nearby. As I said you'd be mad not to have a car in a lot of the country!

To be fair, the sex workers walking wasn't that poster's view. It was her mother's. And she was saying that her mother was mad.

But if someone's gotta drive.... ain't gonna be them. 🤷‍♀️

"I don't know how to empty a dishwasher or clean a toilet but that's OK because I've got a cleaner."

I can go every place that I need to without a car but then I live in London (I wouldn’t chose to live rural), most people I know don’t drive either.

Does the fact that the poster you’re replying to hasn’t been in a car for years, maybe suggest that situations where “someone’s gotta drive” and it can’t be a taxi driver aren’t a thing that happens frequently to her?

perhaps, and I grant this might be a bit of a shock coming after the “some people can walk in rain”, many people who don’t drive have lives that don’t require going to places in cars.

As do I, but for a good few years I didn't and still never had problems getting anywhere I wanted to go by train, bus, plane and so on and I walk to most places.

I actively dislike travelling by car and don't use taxis either unless I have no other option (I've been in one in the last two years, I think). And I have no interest whatsoever either in driving, or in living in the sort of place where there was such a dearth of infrastructure that this would be necessary.

I also own not just lots of coats but TWO umbrellas. What a time to be alive 😀

YANBU. It would put me off massively and I'd think they were a bit wet to be honest (unless for a medical reason). Same with not being able to do basic DIY.

Agree.

Some people just can't get the hang of it.

I loathe driving and always have done. I'm in my late 50s now and barely drive anywhere. My husband doesn't mind at all and says that it upsets him to think that I'm stressing behind the wheel.

My son has had so many lessons and tests. Just can't get the hang of it.

There are some very unpleasant opinions on this thread.

Yep, I have news for you. He doesn't want to learn to drive. Someone who wants to learn to drive would NOT be taking 2 lessons a month! He is happy for you to be the driver!

@WishILivedInThrushGreen

Agree. Some people just can't get the hang of it.

I loathe driving and always have done. I'm in my late 50s now and barely drive anywhere. My husband doesn't mind at all and says that it upsets him to think that I'm stressing behind the wheel.

My son has had so many lessons and tests. Just can't get the hang of it. There are some very unpleasant opinions opinions I don't like on this thread.

Fixed that for you.

This. ^ There's just something icky, wet, and off-putting about a man who can't drive/won't drive.

A taxi is a car you know.

@PurpleButterflyWings

There's just something icky, wet, and off-putting in my opinion about a man who can't drive/won't drive.

And there's yours fixed for you, PBW

Dealbreaker for me

In labour at 2am I was fucking glad DH could drive me to the hospital.

No, it would not have been "fine" to wait while he sorted a taxi or a friend came over. I also wouldnt have wanted to be in a taxi or a friends car!

Tragic for the non-driving men being passed over by PBW with her insightful and balanced opinions.

InchocolateWeTrust Presumably driving to the hospital during labour isn't a regular occurrence for you? Hardly a basis for choosing a life partner. Anyway, my husband and I did get a lift to hospital during labour and it was actually fine. Very much a footnote in the whole having a baby story.

Let's just move into a parallel universe for a moment where I felt that bad weather was a threat to my appearance. A threat which could not be mitigated by suitable clothing. A threat that somehow is only a problem when walking/cycling/on public transport, yet not an issue when walking from a car park to my destination (let's face it, the only car I've ever seen able to park directly outside the Royal Albert Hall had Prince Harry in the back, theatres and concert halls are usually some distance from parking). I'd just get a taxi. No walking from a car park in a monsoon then. Both of us can drink then too, it's no fun just one of you drinking while the other stays sober, even if you take it in turns.

But returning to the real world, I've never had an issue walking/cycling/using public transport to get to/from the theatre/opera/concerts/cinema/stand-up/dates. For that matter, the last person I dated didn't drive (hadn't yet learned, whereas I'm qualified but no longer own a car) and they lived in a different town, 20 miles away. We had no trouble meeting up, having meals at each other's places or going off to cities 60 miles away from me (so 80 from them) to see shows. Not that either of us bothered with makeup anyway.

Swap 'man' for 'woman'.
How do you feel about that now?

But posters keep making the assumption that all non-drivers do this. They just cannot comprehend that some of us are quite happy not using cars to get about.

As it happens, I did ask a friend to give me a lift somewhere today. But in my defence I broke a toe the other day so couldn't even put proper shoes on, let alone cycle from the station to our destination. Pretty sure that even if I still had a car of my own, I would still have needed help as it's dangerous to drive in flip-flops, those being the only footwear I could get on.

I dated a man once who didn’t drive, only reason he didn’t drive was because he couldn’t be bothered with lessons. He was happy to walk or use public transport.

Him not driving was the reason I ended it.

Maybe he doesn't want to go for a walk. Maybe he's worried that he'll get his fake tan wet 😆