Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

[ItDoesMyHeadIn]

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday

I took the sleeper train to the Scottish Highlands and back. Used public transport to get about with no issues. It was a great holiday.

It wasn’t an issue for me while dating - my DH only had a motorbike license - but long term it would annoy me.
I asked DH to learn to drive a car when we were planning a family as I didn’t want to be the only one who could drive everyone about. He was happy to do so and actually got rid of his motorbike once he could drive a car.

You can get the train or plane to Scotland and get your takeaways delivered. Mind you I think the fella had a lucky escape so it’s all good.

It'd be a no from me

It's only rain.

Oh okay then lol 😆 what a load of bullshit!! Now I'm doing couch to 5k and I actually love running in the rain, it's refreshing and therapeutic. But if you're dressed up to the nines ready for some fancy work do? You're spray tanned and blow dried from head to toe? You'll walk right? Because it's only rain and you don't want some man offering you a lift in his car. Fuck off 🤣

Oh good lord get a taxi or consider whether a blow dry and fake tan are worth planning your life around.

Yep, that's what taxis are for. Some (not all) drivers are distinctly lacking in imagination.

If my partner couldn’t drive I would feel inclined to offer lifts all the time. Imagine how mean you’d feel letting them walk in the rain carrying shopping, or missing appointments due to unreliable buses etc. Of course you’d end up driving them around all the time whether they asked or not - it would be annoying.

It’s the rain thing. Drivers are weird about rain.

Definite deal-breaker for me too. I live somewhere where you're rather stuck if you don't drive.

This just isn't true. My husband cycles or gets the bus everywhere. He doesn't expect lifts and he's in good shape.

I don't drive as have learnt twice and am appallingly poor at manoeuvres. I am better kept off the roads and out of car parks!!

The only non drivers that are disliked are the ones who ask for lifts from drivers

Exactly- which can be quite common. In my experience, if you are at work or at an event or somewhere with a non driver, its often assumed by them that you're fine to give them lifts home. Its irritating, can be costly and its happened to me a lot. It puts you in a dilemma then because if you say no it comes across as being mean spirited - especially when the person has double the journey time via public transport or if the weather is really bad. Dont get me wrong- I dont mind doing it sometimes but other times, I'm really not in the mood and I dont see why taxi driver should be my default role.

100% this. ^ I am with you @ItDoesMyHeadIn It WOULD be a dealbreaker if a man couldn't drive. And yes, of course people will accept a lift rather than walk half hour in the rain. Such bullshit to say they wouldn't.

@iBrows

If my partner couldn’t drive I would feel inclined to offer lifts all the time. Imagine how mean you’d feel letting them walk in the rain carrying shopping, or missing appointments due to unreliable buses etc. Of course you’d end up driving them around all the time whether they asked or not - it would be annoying.

Yeah this too. ^

I just couldn't tolerate a man who was a non-driver. Would rather be alone tbh. It would be like having a child again - having to run them about, pick them up, drop them off, and take them to work/hobby groups/sports etc... And ALWAYS being the driver when you both go out for meals/to the cinema/with friends... Just a bit cringey and embarrassing really isn't it? It must really emasculate him.

What kind of a man chooses to not drive? Not any man I would wanna be with!

Even if there was a health reason for not driving, I would still struggle to be with a man who can't drive.

I know four couples where the one can't drive - 2 CBA, and 2 are health reasons. All four couples have strained relationships because of the one being a non-driver. The driver has to do EVERYTHING. School run, driving kids fucking everywhere (mates/hobbies/sports etc,) visiting family, fetching takeaways, driving to pub or restaurant (always being the designated driver,) and shopping. And 2 of them even have to take their partner to work AND fetch them back, as well as going to their own job.

@mintybobs

The only non drivers that are disliked are the ones who ask for lifts from drivers.. which can be quite common.

In my experience, if you are at work or at an event or somewhere with a non driver, its often assumed by them that you're fine to give them lifts home. Its irritating, can be costly and its happened to me a lot. It puts you in a dilemma then because if you say no it comes across as being mean spirited - especially when the person has double the journey time via public transport or if the weather is really bad.

Don't get me wrong- I dont mind doing it sometimes but other times, I'm really not in the mood and I dont see why taxi driver should be my default role.

Agree with this. I worked in the office at a place where 25 people worked - mostly under 25 and mostly couldn't drive. At LEAST 2 or 3 times a week, one of the 2 shift managers (24 and 25 y.o. and also couldn't drive,) asked me to give a lift home, to 'Hannah,' 'Lucas,' 'Zack,' or 'Gemma,' etc etc, as their last bus went 5 minutes ago, or their shift doesn't finish til half hour after their last train. 10-15% of my week's petrol money must have gone giving lifts to colleagues.

I got so sick of it - and NEVER being offered petrol money, that I started to take my car and park it at my aunt's house (half a mile away,) and walk the rest of the way. I told them I got rid of my car as we didn't really need it anymore. I was so off-the-charts fucked off with being used as a free taxi. One time, I was asked to take 'Max' home, and it was 15 miles out of my way! SHE lived 7-8 miles north of the workplace, and I lived 5 miles south!

The way SOME people take advantage of drivers is a fucking disgrace.

You wouldn’t offer your own husband a lift if it was chucking it down with rain, he missed his bus, was late for work etc?

That isn’t how my relationship works, I know I would offer a lift. But I don’t have to because he has his license thankfully.

Yes, genuinely I would walk in the rain for 30 minutes rather than try to wheedle a lift out of someone or expecting someone to take me places. I regularly walk to places in the rain. I don’t know why people who drive everywhere find this do hard to accept? It’s only rain. We pedestrians use this fancy new anti-rain tech called ‘a coat’.

“It’s not all non-drivers we hate! It’s only the ones who ask for lifts everywhere. Which is all of you and if you say it isn’t, you’re clearly lying.”

Why would he be down the pub getting pissed instead of, for example, accompanying you on a nice long walk or a day out?

And no I couldn't date a non driver. Most I know are used to being driven around by others.

I'm dating a non driver and yes it does suck. The only reason why I'm persisting is because he is learning, but even then that's annoying as he is making very slow progress (think one lesson every couple of weeks).

I don't like having to be the driver and it does mean more chores fall in me, eg getting good for dinner and obviously if we go anywhere I had to drive.

But on the plus side he is wonderful in every other way and makes me happy. But I just wish he'd pass his test a bit quicker.

Fantastic. But as a driver, most people arent happy doing this and assume you'll give them a lift which is exactly why some drivers in this thread are getting pissed off. You are not the norm in my experience as a driver being constantly asked for lifts by others. As purplebutterfywings says above- even more annoyingly, you rarely if ever get offered petrol money which is fcking RUDE.

A lot of people on this thread calling non-drivers lazy while carrying on as though walking/ cycling in the rain is an act of staggering/ impossible physical endurance.