Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

[ItDoesMyHeadIn]

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

I'd be happy that he's looking after the planet by walking and getting public transport. Why are people so obsessed with driving? I know it is a skill but lots of people I know don't drive and I wouldn't judge someone like that.

No, as I can't drive anyway (have been learning on and off for years). DH can drive and we have a family car but he couldn't drive when I met him and only learnt a couple of years ago. It wouldn't occur to me to be bothered about driving ability.

It's certainly not lazy not to drive. Walking everywhere, cycling, catching public transport. Why is that lazy. Just because you've done what society expects/ pushes you to do, doesn't mean people who choose a healthier, more planet- friendly option are wrong.

So many people calling non- drivers lazy, haha! It's just not true, unless they're always asking for lifts, but most people I know who don't drive are not at all like that. Just cycle and walk! Catch trains!

Been there, done that, been the chauffeur and never again. It gets annoying very quickly.

Wow! Feminists are crazy are they? I’ve never met any, and I’ve met a lot of feminists. You’re the second out and proud aggressive poster whose post has astonished me today. It’s absolutely fine to date whoever you like and reject others, but you sound scary! I reckon non driving bloke had a lucky escape 😆

As a woman working in the game industry engineering PS5 games... This is hilarious.

What an odd sort you are.

Oh no, Mumsnet cannot stand non-drivers. Everyone who doesn’t drive is a selfish lazy childish incompetent who cannot live an independent life on here.

In theory they’ll make exceptions for those of us with medical reasons - but if you do and you dare to say you can get yourself about fine and don’t rely on people to give you lifts everywhere, you get just as sneered at! In Mumsnet world, all non-drivers lead pitiful, dependent lives, stood forever inside waiting for some generous stranger to offer us a lift 😄

I would be put off by someone who couldn't drive because they couldn't be bothered. I wouldn't be put off by a man who could drive but just didn't have a car.

My mother's obsessed with driving. She says "only prostitutes walk" which is... really something. She thinks getting public transport is equally deviant.

I never take lifts from anyone. I get the tram, bus, train and airplanes. I haven't yet found anywhere I can't get to. Not driving has saved me thousands. I live in a big city and travel for work - which is what trains are for. I neither live nor work in the middle of nowhere, so I appreciate those folks have to drive. In major cities you can easily get by without ever bothering.

"it's so hard to find a man to go and fetch my takeaways."

Gross.

Only prostitutes walk - what?! There’s some absolutely insane views on here.

Wouldnt entertain the idea of dating someone that doesnt want to drive from choice

Exactly!

Never bothered me, but everyone has their own lifestyle choices and wants in life and a partner. I get why someone would want a driving partner. I'm just not one of them - my husband and I have been married nearly 20 years and neither of us drive, living in a small city.

I really don't get how choosing not to drive is framed as 'can't be arsed' or 'lazy' or 'selfish' and how there seem to be few acceptable reasons for making that choice. I've been called worse, but I don't get the logic that having the choice to drive taken away from me by failing biology makes my not driving more acceptable than my actively choosing not to drive based on my own preferences that I did for years before that. Choose who you want in a partner, but these threads always come out pretending to accept disabled people who can't drive while reeking of pitying us. My choices as a disabled person matter just as much as my limitations.

If driving is very important in a partner, those same resentments will build up whether it's by choice or a choice taken away, so I wouldn't recommend making that exception - it would be unfair on all involved. It's harder when such a condition could happen at any time to anyone, but that's just a risk of life.

YABU. What if he had a disability that meant he couldn’t drive?

Aside from that, you could be missing out on someone absolutely wonderful just because of some ridiculous ‘rule’ you’ve put in place 🙄

Yabu. However, a man that can't sort himself out transport wise is a turn off.

as an Uber driver? Absolutely. As a partner? No - why would I? DH doesn’t drive. We lived in London in the early days of our relationship, where basically no one drives. We moved out to live centrally in another town so again, didn’t need to. When we had DS, I learned but it’s still only something we use occasionally.

Kindness, humour, generosity, making a good cup of tea - all deal breakers. Driving? Couldn’t care less.

Well, I'm glad my partner wasn't put off. My parents never drove so I never had a chance to learn when younger, and didn't have the money to learn until my late 20s. DP actually taught me last summer, and I have my test next week.

I have a lot of anxiety around driving (I have an anxiety disorder) and he would have been fine with it if I never managed to learn though.

Yes I am from Singapore! I guess I would learn if I knew that I would be able to use my driving skills but for now I don't!

I'd be put off anyone that couldn't/ wouldn't drive. Unless there were medical reasons

I have failed 6 driving tests, I have since given up. Never been an issue for any guy ive dated. But there are lots of reasons why people don't drive, I don't see any need for judgment over it. That said any reason for not dating someone is valid and we are all free to do what we please.

This wouldn't bother me provided that we lived somewhere with reasonable public transport.

I don't like driving either, although I can. Anyone who expected me to do masses of driving would be disappointed, and we'd be incompatible.

Wtf 🤣🤣

I've failed 10 driving tests and can't afford to keep doing it as well as saving to buy a house and all the other things society expects.
Call me all the names you want, I couldn't care less.