To expect people to be able to control their children on planes?

[Ace56]

I recently returned from a long haul trip with connecting flights, so was on 5 planes altogether.

On 4 of these flights I was around children who’s parents just seemed to pussyfoot around them and seemed unable to control them.

Flight 1 - mum and 2 kids in the row in front of me. Dad across the aisle, plonks himself down on his laptop for the entire flight. Little boy (around 2-3) EXTREMELY loud, continuous shrieking, disrupting his sister. They had brought nothing for him to do - no iPad/colouring/books, so no wonder he was bored. Just shrieked constantly to get mum’s attention. Dad did absolutely nothing to help, didn’t offer to take him. Neither took him for a walk down the aisle or anything - he literally was in his seat the entire flight, absolutely bored shitless and disturbing everyone around him.

Flight 2 - girl of about 3 sitting behind me, next to mum. Dad across the aisle. Was fine during the flight but kept switching between mum and dad, and taking it in turns to sit on their lap watching her iPad. When it came to landing, she still wanted to switch every few mins. Air hostess politely told them a few times that she needs to be seated now for landing. Parents meekly tried to make her sit still with one of them but eventually gave up, so for the actual landing she ended up in the aisle (very dangerous) with mum holding onto her T-shirt. Air hostesses were seated at this point so couldn’t do anything/didn’t notice.

Flight 3 - boy of about 5 in front of me, standing up in his seat, leaning back into the seat, generally jumping around. Mum apologised but made no real attempt to stop him.

Flight 4 - large extended family sitting in various places around the plane. Children allowed to shout at each other across rows and over people’s heads, not told to stop once.

AIBU to despair at parenting these days if this is the norm? Have other people come across situations like this or was I just very unlucky?!

I’ve just come back from a short haul flight with DS just turned 3 and while the flight there was totally fine (snacks, toys, tablet, excited etc) on the flight home he was exhausted, which resulted in him not wanting to do anything but act out really.

when he’s tired he sort of acts a bit silly, then cries and then after a cuddle he’ll collapse into a heap. So he was awful for half an hour while we tag teamed trying to control him and get him to sleep (nothing will work in a confined space once this has started) and then he fell asleep thank fuck for a couple of hours! But we had to wake him up and strap him in for landing, he wanted to still sit on our knees as he was just waking up, so I basically had to hold my hand over the buckle so he couldn’t unstrap himself and let him cry while holding him to calm him down.

i mean, with little kids sometimes it utterly grim because it’s a tiny confined space but you’ve just got to work together to do your best! So you’re not being unreasonable to say parents need to have more control over their kids for sure, but ultimately little kids will probably have tantrums, so it’s a balance! Parents need to figure out what’s causing their issue and resolve it - like battling with him to get him to sleep for instance! And I wouldn’t let him continuously irritate other passengers. Thankfully this flight was full of kids so he was an angel compared to most 😂

why only on planes?

I was also the mother carrying a screaming and kicking 9yr old dd onto the plane after holding it up because she decided she didn't want to go home. The poor lady next to us was wonderful and chatted to dd calmly all the way through the (1 hour) flight.

I also think some people have a bit of resentment towards dc even being there in the first place regardless of behaviour.

And we once were on a flight where a man got arrested on landing for punching his wife in the face so I’d much rather deal with little crying kiddos!

I agree with you @SirChenjins.

It's not toddlers you see beating up flight crew or getting drunk and having to be restrained, or talking the ear off the unfortunate person seated beside them because boring people to death with their political opinions is their way of managing anxiety

On a recent flight I saw a parent get right into their bored (but not really badly behaved) toddler's face and REALLY aggressively tell them to "shut the fuck up", neither of the DC flinched, so were clearly used to it. If you travelled to Goa vie Doha in April no-one was judging your little one, but we all thought your DH was a nasty arsehole

Tricky one. Agree with another post on here that it is difficult to always understand whether behaviour may have additional needs attached. It is also half term, so there may be more children than usual on a flight. However, it would be lovely to have 'quieter' zones on planes, etc. Maybe one day! As an aside, there is a sweet story about a couple who travelled on a flight with 5 month old twins and handed out earplugs and a note to all the passengers! Completely unnecessary IMO, but very thoughtful nonetheless.

Yep, been on a flight where there were 2 pissed parents of a 2 year old with no toys or snacks or anything. Gave the poor thing a lolly pop in the end to get some peace. I had kids a little older.

On the other hand I had an uncomfortable flight with a baby due to ears. I gave her calpol and she slept most of it. Must have cried maybe 15 mins. A lady confronted me angrily at baggage reclaim about how I'd ruined flying for my child ever again and that I was an awful mother keeping her up late. I was so shocked I didn't even give a decent response (like fuck off possibly).

YANBU. Parents need to be prepared. We haven't flown for a while but the last time we flew with 3yo DC (4 hour flight), one person near us said to us at the end of the flight, 'Oh, I didn't realise there was a small child sitting there'. Our DC is not especially well-behaved, but we took a few stories, some of those water colouring-in books and plenty of snacks, and plugged him into the ipad when he was bored of those. He hardly made a sound as he was too happy with unlimited screen time. I realise that this won't work with all children and some do find flying itself very difficult (as opposed to just being bored), so I wouldn't judge parents who were trying their best.

I do judge parents who sit away from their children and let the other parent/nanny deal with everything quite harshly. I remember being on one flight with a little boy of around 18 months making noise and kicking the seat in front, and the dad, sat across the aisle, kept loudly having a go at the mum (who was also dealing with their older toddler) for not stopping him and not keeping him quiet but never offered to help or swap places.

The way some people raise their kids nowadays is disgraceful.

Yabu
Look at Prince Louis behaviour and he will have the best trained nannies money can buy

Prepping a three year old for good behaviour expectations?

Funniest thing I've read on MN, perhaps you could've versed Louis so Kate could've relaxed at the jubilee?

This

I was once in a nonstop flight from Australia. The entire 23 hours the drunk people in front had their seats fully back and the flight attendants wouldn’t ask them to put them up even when meals were served. I’d rather listen to an annoying kid switch seats.

Oh come on with all the my 3 year old was perfect, my 5 year old an angel!

It depends on the day how they behave? You struck lucky (as did we on a flight to Australia with a 4 and 6 year old).

So sanctimonious sone of you!

Note she hasn’t taken the children on the flight yet.

hubris…

YANBU. Parents need to be prepared. I fly back home long haul 2x a year with my child, who’s 5 now. I bring a ton of snacks, lots of activities, and exhaust them by waking all over the airport before check-in. I save screens as a “reward” for good behaviour on the flight. They’d get it on the last hour or so of our usual 9 hour flight. There is no way I’d let them behave like that on a flight. Also, it’s so much easier for me (although more parenting than just letting run riot) we colour, play games, chat, I have a glass of wine and we’re generally good.

@BrokenRice she has until August, so all is good!

They won't

Be tired
Over excited
Bored
Hangry
No flight delays

They'll be all prepped and behave like angels! All the "prepping" will overcome all those situations (particularly the 3 year old!)

Honestly the most hilarious "I'm the perfect parent" quote I've seen on MN!

Maybe suggest to the parents that they let their kids play outside for a bit to let off steam

I have children and grandchildren and took all 8 of them to the States pre Covid, none of them were allowed to behave like this, it takes a bit of effort from the adults. Too many ignore their sprogs or consider them to be 'cute'.

YANBU. I flew yesterday and was gobsmacked at the behaviours of some children and the inability to parent by some adults. And YES I have a young child. Both the plane and the coach were full of bad mannered children absolutely ruling the roost, with parents unable or unwilling to do anything about it. One child was smacking his mother round the head and refusing to move out of the window seat. He wasn’t any older than three.

yanbu hun, I'm often shocked by it too! When my children were little before their first flight I sat them on dining chairs one behind the other and got the one behind to push and kick the seat in front then asked the front child how it felt, they didn't like it, then I switched them round and the other didn't like it either! I explained that when you do that with your feet it is uncomfortable and not kind or considerate to the person sitting in front so it is important not to do it, it took 5 minutes but my children never did it, and would tell me (in embarrassing and loud voice) if the person behind behind ever kicked or pushed their seat with feet IT DOESNT FEEL VERY NICE AND IT IS NOT NICE TO DO THAT TO THE PERSON IN FRONT, IS IT MUMMY!!! cue red faced but everso slightly proud mummy! I absolutely hate it when people do it to me so totally with you on this, no excuse for lack of consideration

Thing is, with young children who’ve never flown before or haven’t flown for a year or so, how are you supposed to know whether they’ll be a total nightmare on a plane. It’s a weird, noisy, pressurised environment. You don’t know in advance that will send them into toddler meltdown.

All proactive parents will have done practice drills! 😆

both parents just sat back with headphones and seemed to think it was the cabin crews job to entertain the kids

They'd probably put the nanny in economy.

Sadly it is the same parents who allow their kids to run riot in cafes, restaurants, cinemas and shops.