To expect people to be able to control their children on planes?

[Ace56]

I recently returned from a long haul trip with connecting flights, so was on 5 planes altogether.

On 4 of these flights I was around children who’s parents just seemed to pussyfoot around them and seemed unable to control them.

Flight 1 - mum and 2 kids in the row in front of me. Dad across the aisle, plonks himself down on his laptop for the entire flight. Little boy (around 2-3) EXTREMELY loud, continuous shrieking, disrupting his sister. They had brought nothing for him to do - no iPad/colouring/books, so no wonder he was bored. Just shrieked constantly to get mum’s attention. Dad did absolutely nothing to help, didn’t offer to take him. Neither took him for a walk down the aisle or anything - he literally was in his seat the entire flight, absolutely bored shitless and disturbing everyone around him.

Flight 2 - girl of about 3 sitting behind me, next to mum. Dad across the aisle. Was fine during the flight but kept switching between mum and dad, and taking it in turns to sit on their lap watching her iPad. When it came to landing, she still wanted to switch every few mins. Air hostess politely told them a few times that she needs to be seated now for landing. Parents meekly tried to make her sit still with one of them but eventually gave up, so for the actual landing she ended up in the aisle (very dangerous) with mum holding onto her T-shirt. Air hostesses were seated at this point so couldn’t do anything/didn’t notice.

Flight 3 - boy of about 5 in front of me, standing up in his seat, leaning back into the seat, generally jumping around. Mum apologised but made no real attempt to stop him.

Flight 4 - large extended family sitting in various places around the plane. Children allowed to shout at each other across rows and over people’s heads, not told to stop once.

AIBU to despair at parenting these days if this is the norm? Have other people come across situations like this or was I just very unlucky?!

I've travelled a lot with my bigger kids when they were babies/toddlers. Most of the time good as gold with plenty of snacks and toys. On one flight home from Denmark my nearly 2 year old's ears went despite calpol in advance, drinking on take off etc. He went ballistic, kicking, screaming,thrashing about. I tried everything to calm him, no bribe worked, not even chocolate, he was inconsolable. At first I was worried about him, then I worried what everyone around us thought (especially the poor chap in front whose seat kept being kicked as under 2's have to be on parent's lap) then I was beyond caring what anyone else thought, the air stewards brought toys and sweets over, nothing helped. I was ready to have the doctor called when we landed; as soon as the doors opened and his ears popped again he fell fast asleep and was fine.
I however was absolutely traumatised! It was his 8th flight, never had an issue before.
YABU with your first complaint - my littlest is almost 3 and there simply is no way to control his volume - could be why PP asked if you have kids, expecting parents to be able to control SOME toddler's behaviours is unreasonable (like I said, travelling with my eldest was mostly fine, litte one I wont get on a plane with as he's just too much for enclosed spaces!).
The little one in the aisle is completely unacceptable, as is the 5 year old stood on seats, so YANBU about those. As for people shouting over, it's rude but plenty of adults do it too so not really a 'control' issue.

YANBU I recall waiting to push back for take off and the cabin crew repeatedly picking up a toddler running up the aisle and re-strapping them on their parents lap. Literally seconds later the toddler was running up the aisle. The parent wasn’t in the least bit interested and just let the crew bring the child back.

I have young children. YANBU.

My best friend has a very gentle parenting approach which I find excruciating so I imagine being on a flight with her and her 3 year old would be dreadful.

Some people really are thick selfish cunts.

Perfect. A concise summary of the parents morons...

Agree with others - childfree airlines are the way forward. It’s not the kids’ faults but so so so many parents are absolutely useless these days.

The last flights I went on was a destination wedding - 4 long haul flights total. On the first, I got a seat kicker. On the second, a boy of about 5 or 6 kept standing in his seat, pulling my hair, poking me, and putting his chin over my chair to see what I was doing. Parents slept. On the third, two toddlers spent most of the flight running in the aisles, stewards constantly having to retrieve them and return them but it caused havoc with the trolley. Parents again slept. On the fourth, three kids behind me all either playing loud ipad games or wrestling each other and screaming. Parents would faintly tell them off and then shrug with sheepish smiles.

I’d pay a lot for a flight without kids and their hopeless ‘minders.’

Yanbu

i have an ASD child and we still managed to keep her happy on flights when she was young. It took constant effort. We never relaxed. That is life when you are a parent of a young child. By the time the plane lands, you will be absolutely exhausted, but you watch for the signals that the child is about to act out and preempt it if possible, and stop it as quickly as you can if you don’t

I think with the examples you've given I agree with you. That said I have one child who copes well with all situations and is easy to manage anywhere and another who has some sensory /stubborness issues and I have been on a plane when said child was refusing to put their seatbelt on. I probably appeared a weak and pathetic parent as I tried to bribe her with sweets, knowing full well that if I took any kind of firm line she would descend into an overtired, overstimulated meltdown and i'd never get the belt on her so I was treading on eggshells.

I expected that children would be easier to control than they are!

I would pay extra for a seat in a child-free zone. But then I think of all the other twatish and ignorant behaviour that adults get up to on planes and think knowing my luck I'd get some arse in front who insisted on reclining their seat at meal times or similar.

8 hour flight, delayed by 4 hours. Followed by another 2 hour flight. Alone with a 2 year old. By the end of that 2nd flight there was nothing I could do to keep him quiet and still. He had toys, tablet, colouring, snacks, calpol. He was just done.
It's a new, scary experience for kids, combined with being asked to sit still hours on end its no wonder they act out!

Never again will i judge or complain and a child's behavior on a flight.

This old argument always gets trotted out, but I have yet to be on a flight where adults have behaved badly. Maybe it is because I travel to destinations that don't appeal to the type of adult who can't behave on an aeroplane.

@Ace56 YANBU. The first time we flew with DD I was so vigilant that she didn't disrupt any passengers. She loves flying and has always behaved on flights, and still does as an adult.

I will add the caveat that it is possible that some of these "badly behaved" children might have been on the autistic spectrum, but again, it was up to the parents to manage this.

The reality is then that they shouldn’t be on long haul flights or journeys involving multiple flights. I know when this is said everyone immediately says they’re there because they need to see granny for the last time but for the most part it’s because the parents want to go somewhere exotic and kids would be just as happy in Europe until they’re older.

Earplugs. I never travel without earplugs.

We went to Tenerife a few years ago. You could tell who was going to be getting off the coach first, before it reached Costa Adeje.
A pair of delightful young children around 6-7, boy and girl, sitting together in front of their mum and dad behaved immaculately and had lovely manners. They had tablets, magazines, puzzle book etc and chatted to each other as well as asking their parents behind them the odd question at an appropriate volume. Put their rubbish in the bin bags the staff brought round. They made me smile all the way through the journey and I wish now that I'd complimented their parents on their behaviour, they were delightful, interesting kids.

In contrast, ome others of similar age were just so badly brought up and their parents not much better.

A couple of groups with kids were constantly up and down, fighting or arguing with each other, or kicking on the seat in front or turning round to stand up in the seat to shout across at someone else. Rubbish and food just dropped at their feet (I was shocked when I got off the plane and saw it on the floor - proper dirty behaviour). Burping loudly, loudly saying "urgh, have you farted?!" so that all the rows around could hear. Shriek talking instead of talking at well, talking volume. No headphones and thought it appropriate to just have the annoying noises from their game on loud for everyone round them to hear. Parents behaved very similarly, bad language, etc. it was not a case of them struggling with children with SEN. It was literally not knowing how to behave, complete lack of social etiquette, consideration for others and manners basically. I mean, if you don't have these basic social skills you shouldn't be mixing with others in confined spaces like that for 4 hours.

I was on a flight back from Dubai a few weeks ago sat across the aisle from a Mum and her toddler. At first I felt for her as she had a tough job to entertain him for an 8 hour flight.

Then we watched her proceed to let another Dad on the flight basically supervise and entertain her child along with his own daughter for the entire flight whilst she watched movies… and no, it was clear they hadn’t met before, asking each other’s names etc!

when he wasn’t entertaining her child she basically allowed him to turn the space in front of us in our extra leg room seats into a play area. He kept running into us, trying to get under our seats, wanting us to play with him.. we had paid for extra leg room and wanted to sleep, it was impossible.

i was still trying to be sympathetic until landing, when she failed to keep control of him or even put a seatbelt on him. The air hostesses intervened and she even tried to argue with them about wearing a seatbelt. At this point I was no longer sympathetic. He can’t have been more than 18months, there was absolutely no reason she couldn’t have held him still in the 10 or so minutes the seatbelt lights were on. I absolutely could not believe that she’d rather violate such a key safety measure than even try and control her child for 10 mins!

Book a private jet next time and let the peasants do as they please with their children in economy. I think it's weird when people have unrealistic expectations of people they don't know.

I have been on a flight before where a toddler wouldn't sit properly in the seat when landing and the pilot aborted the landing! I hate the awful lurch you get when you're about to land then they take off again mid air. They said it was too dangerous to risk landing with the toddler out of the seat belt.

I was also travelling on a plane once with my two - then a baby and a toddler - and the woman who was assigned a seat next to us loudly said 'Oh no I hate children'. I couldn't quite believe she had said it so I asked her and she said she thinks they shouldn't be allowed on planes. So we ended up. I asked the air steward if she could move but it turned out she has already had an altercation with the air steward on the way in as she had already asked to change seat due to not being able to have her laptop out if she stayed in her emergency exit seat. So she was clearly just a dick. I got a lot of support from all the grandparents sitting around me as although it was a relatively child-free flight everyone was going down to the Costa Del Sol so of course were mostly grandparents. The kids, thankfully, didn't let out a squeak for the whole flight.

I have some sympathy for the parents that are trying to control hard to control toddlers but the ones who just sit there and do nothing (especially that dad on his laptop) are awful.

YANBU.

There is a hell of a difference between and upset/tired/cranky child whose parents are doing to their best to calm them down and a brat who behaves badly while the parents let them.

I was on a flight once where a child had a melt down and the poor mum was doing everything possible to soothe them. It was annoying but most people understood child having a bad day. It's entirely different when the parents don't give a shit.

It isn't unrealistic to expect parents to attempt to control their children on a flight FGS!

DD is now 16 but has flown with us on multiple occasions since she was 18 months old. Just like travelling in the car, or on the bus, or on the train, there are rules for safety that MUST be obeyed. (Car - seat belts. Bus/train - sitting down where possible, holding on when standing or moving. No distracting driver in any mode.) Plane - seatbelts for takeoff/landing/turbulence/sleep, sitting in seats generally unless needing bathroom or there is a quiet time to take a walk (we've done pretty long haul so some walking is needed even for adults), and just like bus/train - no messing with other passengers or disturbing them by kicking seats etc.

We bring things to keep her occupied, snacks and drinks in case they are needed when there is no service (very long haul, delays at either end or in transit...) etc.

She is no angel - she gets travel sick sometimes (but it's something she is well used to as she also had reflux as a baby), and has often had problems with her ears (so we always have sucky sweets and usually some form of pain relief she can take easily even if not needed beforehand). She has some SEN which can occasionally make it difficult to deal with her and get her to see reason. But we make sure she knows what is happening beforehand, (we used to) build in times to run around in the airport or before travel, always check airport maps to see where there are playspaces or coffee shops or quiet places she can retreat to etc. And have things that we know she will enjoy for the times she has to sit in her seat, and a comfortable blanket (or nowadays, fluffy fleece hoodie) for making sleep more likely on longer flights. And put her in clothes that SHE is comfortable in - clean and presentable yes, but most importantly, that she is happy wearing and comfortable sitting around in for hours.

Because that is part of being a parent if we want to travel.

Yes

YANBU at all - we used to fly transatlantic regularly with our DDs from a very young age, but always had inflight entertainment kits prepared. We had one night flight when DD1 took about half an hour to settle (she was 2) and cried a lot, but after that she was down for the entire flight.

@gillyff absolutely! I’ve only seen horrendous behaviour from dc one flight to Florida on a fairly empty plane and dc were running up and down to the point the air stewards yelled at the parents. Properly yelled. It was one big family with about 8 dc between them. That was in 2001 but since then it’s the adults.

Dd2 passed out during landing back in April. Dh was sat by her as she occasionally vomits during landing. No sick this time but he called to me across the aisle so I left my seat to call a steward. They rushed over to give her oxygen and asked the adults in the row in front to move so they could get to dd and give her oxygen etc. the couple complained, insisted on getting all their bags etc so the steward yelled a child needs oxygen you need to move! They still faffed. Then the captain asked everyone to stay seated while paramedics came onto the plane and remove the patient… queue more adults moaning about the delay. I was honestly stunned at the lack of empathy. They had no idea what was wrong with my 10 year old who’d been out cold for 5 minutes.

I have a 4 year old and YANBU.

It's weird to expect parents to actually parent their children? Who knew?!
OP YANBU

Many parents are ‘afraid’ to parent their children effectively in case the kids end up ‘not liking them’. This has the opposite effect IMO as children will continue to push boundaries until they find security from their parents.
Also, I may be biased but on a quick flick through the whole thread it does seem little boys are worse behaved than girls, on the whole. PS teacher friend confirms this experience. Not sure why this is 🤷🏽‍♀️