MIL won't allow DS to bring teddy home

[Donnaslayer]

Hello mumsnetters. My MIL looks after our DS 2.5yrs old every Friday. She loves having him. Now we dress him in a nice outfits but as soon as she gets him to her house she changes him out of them and into clothes shes bought him. There's no difference in style or anything other than shes bought them. Today for example we dressed him in a tshirt, tracksuit and spiderman trainer's. Shes changed him into a tshirt and jogger bottoms and hey dugee trainers that shes bought him. Now all bought clothes are not allowed home and she changes him out of them again before we pick him up. We use to send spare clothes for accidents but she told us not to bother as she has absolutely heaps of stuff for him. I think its a bit weird to buy so many clothes and shoes that our DS only gets to wear 1 day a week and will probably grow out of pretty sharpish. It's not good economics but hey it's her money, her perogative I guess. My DS has 3 favorite teddies, he takes 1 to all 3 most places. My issue is she's now bought him a Sonic the Hedgehog teddy last week, he loves Sonic but she told him/us it's staying here! Hes not allowed to take it home! DS Uncle was there too and backed MIL up. My DP had words with them about it but they were adamant. He laughed and asked why what do you think we're going to do with it? All we got back was it's staying here and they took it away and hid it while DS was having his nappy changed. Fortunately DS didn't notice but if he had there would have been hell to play. We both think it's so unfair to give DS a beloved teddy to play with all day and then tell him a toddler you can't take it home with you, it will be here next week sigh. Im thinking I'll just go buy him the same Sonic teddy as I cba with this pointless power struggle every week. Am I being unreasonable?

I'd be putting an end to her watching him, honestly. I couldn't be arsed dealing with her controlling bullshit.

As a Grand mother I've done this keeping stuff at my house.

Reasons...saves the stress of parents forgetting things.

clothes the parents send are too small,stained or have holes in.

Pj's are normally too small or smell of dog,or covered in cats hairs.

special cuddly toy ...Granny looks after it until your return. its then placed in the bed just before grandchild arrives.

I know people will say none of the above applies to them...but it probably does.

It's not a control thing at all... it just makes my life easier.

It's important he takes his own favourite home toy as a transition toy to MIL's and that it comes back every time. It's also important that he has access to it at MiL's - my concern would be that it might be taken away from him while he is there, especially as the most loved toys can get a bit... dingy.
Yhis is a strawman
There's been no suggestion of her doing this

Are you taking the piss?

The clothes the child comes in are clothes the parents are happy with. Unless you actually think your gracious is being neglected (and I suspect not from the tone of your post) you are being wierd and controlling, just like the OP's MIL. They're not your child and they're not a doll to play dress up with

Yanbu. How weird.
I’d feel so uncomfortable leaving my child in her care wondering what other weird shenanigans occur that I’m unaware of.

Gently, this, to me, just reads as "because I think I'm better than the parents are".

Isn't that normal? Not the clothes thing, that's so wasteful and when he gets older he'll probably tell her no anyway! But the toys? That's normal, toys at Grannies house live with Grannie. That's it!

My mum used to change her grandchildren's clothes when she minded them at her place as she felt what they'd arrived in wasn't smart enough if she took them out or any of her snooty friends turned up

Another granny who has toys at my home which stay here. I have a doll plus pram etc and they have come to know that she ‘lives here’. Occasionally she can go home with them for a ‘holiday’ but always comes back. Totally normal. The clothes- not so much.

I think it's fairly normal for grandparents to have toys and teddies at grandparents that stay there. That's certainly the case with both my kids sets of grandparents and with my grandparents when I was a kid.

I think she is bonkers and controlling but I wouldn't get stressed about the teddy at all. If your DS even notices it, just say casually, Yes Sonic lives with granny and he's allowed to play with you whenever you go to visit granny.

Pick your battles.

Id just take him there in his pjs then, absolutely crazy behaviour.

The toy I agree is only an issue if DS makes it an issue.

My DP had words with them about it but they were adamant.

Unless there's some huge backstory, you & DP seem quite ... combative, for parents who are being given free childcare 1 day a week.

I can see how the clothes-changing thing is annoyingly bonkers, but why allow a harmless eccentricity to wind you up to this extent? MiL obviously loves having a lot of clothes etc stored at her house for her GC, & in this instance, it extends to a teddy - which he didn't notice being put away, so wasn't upset about not taking home.

If it's something he notices & gets upset about in future, surely it's worth buying a duplicate teddy to keep at your house, rather than falling out over something quite trivial?

She sounds intense

The clothes thing is a bit weird but the toy, not so much. It is no different to a toy at nursery, preschool or a playgroup, or even at a friends house. Just because your child loves it doesn't mean they get to take it home.

I like to have toys for my granddaughter here so she is not bored when she stays here. So Sonic at Grandma's no problem. The clothes thing is weird

This

If any clothes get damaged at her house she doesn't need to worry about sending him home with them. I have a friend with grandchildren who does the same and she's not bonkers at all.

The teddy - it won't be special if it's taken home, leaving it at granny's means it something nice to play with there.

This is all a non issue- just let her get on with looking after him.

Are you quite precious about his clothes? I sometimes change my neices when they come because we're more of a puddle jumping household and my sister is the opposite, she would just die if their actual clothes got dirty.

Toys that live with granny are pretty normal. Imo that's what makes them special.

So your own dc neglect your dgc with holey, stained, too small clothing that is covered in pet hair, but you have no inclination to offer help or support, your only concern is that the child looks smart and well cared for at your house.

Is he upset about the teddy? If so, they are being very cruel and I wouldn't want him staying there again. Stick to day time visits with the whole family.

If he hasn't asked to take his new teddy home then it's not an issue and I wouldn't give it any further thought.

Every toy and book that I've bought my toddler DGD lives at my house. If anything, my DD is very grateful that they do!
It means that when my DGD comes, she's excited to play with her 'grandma toys' and wet have favorite books that we share.

Of course if she desperately wanted to take something home, I wouldn't refuse. But I would encourage her to leave it for next time she comes. Her mum however would probably insist that she leaves it with me!

I swear this was my MIL!!!! She did the very same with clothes and toys!!!

go buy him (the same or even better) sonic toy and she can shove hers. It’s like they want some special granny control. Take him to Build A Bear and let him make it himself

My mum was the same with toys as as they would end up not going back so then they wouldn't have much to play with. Mine would always come back wearing a vest under their clothes.

My sister’s MIL used to do this with clothes with my niece-she liked to have her clothes on her washing line. Batshit crazy but no harm done and they sucked it up for the childcare