MIL won't allow DS to bring teddy home

[Donnaslayer]

Hello mumsnetters. My MIL looks after our DS 2.5yrs old every Friday. She loves having him. Now we dress him in a nice outfits but as soon as she gets him to her house she changes him out of them and into clothes shes bought him. There's no difference in style or anything other than shes bought them. Today for example we dressed him in a tshirt, tracksuit and spiderman trainer's. Shes changed him into a tshirt and jogger bottoms and hey dugee trainers that shes bought him. Now all bought clothes are not allowed home and she changes him out of them again before we pick him up. We use to send spare clothes for accidents but she told us not to bother as she has absolutely heaps of stuff for him. I think its a bit weird to buy so many clothes and shoes that our DS only gets to wear 1 day a week and will probably grow out of pretty sharpish. It's not good economics but hey it's her money, her perogative I guess. My DS has 3 favorite teddies, he takes 1 to all 3 most places. My issue is she's now bought him a Sonic the Hedgehog teddy last week, he loves Sonic but she told him/us it's staying here! Hes not allowed to take it home! DS Uncle was there too and backed MIL up. My DP had words with them about it but they were adamant. He laughed and asked why what do you think we're going to do with it? All we got back was it's staying here and they took it away and hid it while DS was having his nappy changed. Fortunately DS didn't notice but if he had there would have been hell to play. We both think it's so unfair to give DS a beloved teddy to play with all day and then tell him a toddler you can't take it home with you, it will be here next week sigh. Im thinking I'll just go buy him the same Sonic teddy as I cba with this pointless power struggle every week. Am I being unreasonable?

@Anycrispsleft
This is exactly what my mil used to do!

@saraclara

You seem determined to not understand that yes, sometimes normal actions can be weaponised with some people.
I know few grannies that have a special cupboard of toys for gc along with spare clothes.
It's free and easy , interchangeable...if a toy from grannies goes back home with the child there is a loose understand ing it might make its way back.
An outfit for spilled stuff ...

Very different to someone deliberately changes the child because they are playing mum and using the child like a doll, not thinking of the child by all this constant changing.. wanting to put their imprint on it.sane with the toy...it's the control.

Very different to someone deliberately changes the child because they are playing mum and using the child like a doll

Why do you so strongly believe that this GM is treating the GC like a doll, rather than simply putting her in clothes that she doesn't have to worry about being spoiled?

How do you know if someone is deliberately changing the child to play mum? I used to change mine as soon as they got here because I didn't want the telling off at the end of the day if their clothes were dirty. Total cowardice on my part obviously, I should have told her to wind her neck in and appreciate the free childcare.

The defenders are missing the fact that the parents sent spare clothes and the grandparent declined them. She's playing dress up.

Isn’t dress up a perfectly normal game to play with kids or are they different these days? My mum could do what she liked with mine because I was grateful for gold standard chilldcare and she made a decent job of bringing me up.

Dress up in costumes for the kids’ amusement, yes.
Dress up for the grandparents’ weird satisfaction, no.

What’s weird about wanting to see your grandchildren in the clothes you’ve bought them?

It’s weird changing them out of the clothing their parents have put them in every time they visit the minute the parents leave.

It would be if they were visiting but they’re not, they’re going for childcare and pp have explained exactly why they do the same thing. It’s only weird in your head.

The parents provide spares and OP has not mentioned ever being annoyed by ruined clothes, which is what other PP have mentioned.
GM is overbearing.

Your MIL sounds really strange r.e. the clothes. But my parents have loads of toys for my kids at there's. Whatever presents they get at birthday and Christmas from 'my' side of the family stays at my parents. Inevitably they want to bring their new favorites home. But we've never allowed it and they're quite used to it now and enjoy playing with the things they don't get to everyday. So I think the separate toys is fine... but again the clothes is just really odd!

I’m like you, we have toys, craft stuff, teddies, train sets, Lego etc, the toys stay here and the kids love making friends with them all over again. don’t keep spare clothes as my daughter packs enough for them at sleepovers apart from spare undies, socks and PJ’s.
Ive never been inclined to change their clothes unless they’ve got really mucky or had a toilet accident. I’ve had my turn at being a mum and now it’s my turn to be a grandma.

I wouldn't let her look after my child. Buying all those clothes and shoes and changing his clothes every time he gets to her house and again before he goes home is strange and must be odd. I wouldn't like that, it must be confusing for your DS who doesn't understand why he keeps having to change clothes. Has she given a reason for this? If i were you i'd make other childcare arrangements for Fridays and stop this very wierd behaviour from your MIL.

You'd stop a grandparent and grandchild developing a relationship because she changes his clothes? I have two kids between 1 and 3 and they wouldn't give it a second thought if I/my mum/ their uncle changed them.

I agree it's odd but not to the extent its damaging. Jeez some of the advice on here. No wonder so many families are so broken.

I don’t think it’s that weird having things that remain at Grandma’s house. Clothes wise I guess she enjoys buying clothes for him that she likes and this is an opportunity for her to dress him in them. Plus she doesn’t need to worry about him ruining his clothes / getting them dirty.

He’s not a doll 😅

No shit. Who said he was?

She's a silly lady.

I've heard of this ridiculousness when parent's part and clothes HAVE to stay at one of the party's houses and the poor child has to change clothes and shoes at drop-off and pick-up. Really not a good thing if the child gets attached to a pair of special shoes or whatever.

I think keeping the teddy is actually quite nasty. That's about her narrow-mindedness over-riding the feelings of her GS.

Sonic the hedgehog lives with gran, DS sees him every week. Our DS sees a few specific toys when he goes to grandparents and loves going to dig them out, it's fine.

The clothes thing looks a bit odd, but I can relate with our neighbours. They get loads of hand-me-down clothes and toys from us for their grandson, who is sometimes then sent with no spare socks or trousers etc so they've had to buy more and find all sock pairs have been gradually "lost" between houses. In their case I'd think it's pragmatic; pack up all his items at the door to nothing gets lost and it's all returned, and vice versa. Does MIL make amazing carrot cake? If so, she's coming at it from a good place. If not and it's because they're sticking him in suits then just give it time, any 2yo will merrily wreck all clothing enough to convert grandparents to joggers and Tshirts.

But kids will go to all different types of places where they can't take home the toys no matter how attached they become to them. It's a simple fact of life isn't it? My employer give me a computer to use in work. I love that computer and could really use it at home sometimes but I'm not allowed to take it home. The clothes I don't get- but the toys I think is being blown out of proportion.

who looks after him the other days, I'm assuming you work / use mil fir childcare? you've 2 options............

The difference is, that this toy is his. It’s not a communal toy. It’s not a toy that belongs to someone else. It’s his toy.

It’s a toy that lives at Granny’s.

I have loads of toys that I bought for my DGD, one or two of which she chose when shopping with me. She still knows that they live at my house. And I don't even do the kind of regular childcare that the OP's MIL does.

This is an incredible mountain out of a molehill. Every grandma I know has 'grandma toys' in fact many of the toys I have are ones that fellow GMs have passed to me when their own GCs grew out of them.