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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think many schools forget that lots of mums work?

269 replies

malificent7 · 09/06/2022 07:36

In primary school it was almost a given that they scheduled things in the school day which is understandable but a bit sad that when i was teaching myself, i couldn't get time off for sports day etc.

In secondary school I was chatying to a mum friend who was asked to go to a meeting during school time. She can't...she works! Not a huge issue i guess and not sure how it can be solved. As an ex teacher I wouldn't have wanted to meet parents outside school hours.

OP posts:
TeddyisMydog · 09/06/2022 08:26

I do agree but I have no helpful solutions.
My daughter is about to go to Primary 1 after the summer, parents are allowed to look around the Primary 1 classrooms for 1 hour next week. My partner will be working at that time, I will have 2 other children with me and not allowed to take them Confused

The day after that it's nursery sports day. Except they've split the children up (children heading to Primary 1 are in a different group to the younger children so that means my 2 nursery children have been split up)
Sports day for older children is at 1.15
Sports day for younger children is at 9.30

Two days after that it's the schools Sports day, so my child will have their Sports day about 12

The following week they are doing a disco (first disco since covid) nursery time is at 4.45, school aged children at 6

I have just started a new job so I'm not keen to ask for time off. It's a minefield.

mizzo · 09/06/2022 08:26

riesenrad · 09/06/2022 08:22

It's the same with baby groups- always during the week and hardly anything at weekends

and only in term time. Babies don't go to school but the assumption seems to be that everyone has older school age kids.

Isn't this because most of these types of things are run by parents with school age children who want to work around them.

GlisteningGoldGrasses · 09/06/2022 08:26

I think it's the high frequency of the events that need parents to attend or collect kids early and the late notice that causes the problems. We've just been sent a long list of trips, events, early finishes and days things need to be brought in for and it's already the final term and we've only just been given the dates. Then half the time you'll get a text that day to say actually can you do it tomorrow or this afternoon instead of the morning, so if you work it's really difficult to plan ahead for. There just seems to be an underlying assumption and tone to the messages that you're always available, your time isn't valuable, and if you don't attend or help out it's because you didn't want to or couldn't be bothered not because you're at work feeling really guilty you're missing the jubilee picnic or sports day and know your child will be disappointed. I have flexi-time and work from home and I still can't attend all the things school ask us to attend. Interestingly DH has never attended anything and feels no guilt at all and doesn't even read the schools messages, but if I did the same my kids would miss out.

Silverbirch2 · 09/06/2022 08:29

Oh I hate my dc school for this! I'm a teacher in another school and I miss everything- I hate it!

francesfrankenfurter · 09/06/2022 08:29

I have to give a months notice to book time off.

BeyondMyWits · 09/06/2022 08:30

My girls went to 2 different primary schools. One sent out a calander of annual events (with contingency days for sports day due to weather etc) along with a typed table.... date, event, tick box for will be attending, tick box for available for helping before/during/after... every term.

One sent out letters the day before begging for volunteers after sending a letter on Friday for the following week.

There was much more parent involvement in the first school than the second.

francesfrankenfurter · 09/06/2022 08:31

riesenrad · 09/06/2022 08:22

It's the same with baby groups- always during the week and hardly anything at weekends

and only in term time. Babies don't go to school but the assumption seems to be that everyone has older school age kids.

That is because a lot of women have more than one child. Mothers bringing older kids to a baby group could quickly create a health and safety nightmare.
And at weekends halls are often booked up.

AnonIsUsuallyAWoman · 09/06/2022 08:38

What do you do when you have a hospital or dental appointment or need to be in the house when a tradesman is coming?

Whatafustercluck · 09/06/2022 08:38

5yo dd is neurodiverse. Her school had a jubilee celebration early afternoon on the Thursday before they broke up. I couldn't make it because I don't work Fridays, had taken half term week off and needed to work the Thursday to tie up loose ends. This caused dd huge distress, particularly when so many other parents were able to turn up. She didn't understand why I wasn't there, even when I explained. All she saw was a celebration to which many other parents attended and her mummy wasn't there. Cue several meltdowns.

I try to get to as many of these things as possible, but at this time of year there seems to be something evey week - fetes, cake days, jubilee, sports day, special assemblies etc.

ChocolateHippo · 09/06/2022 08:39

I think it's fine as long as they give dates well in advance. Then you can put it in the calendar/arrange to split it with your OH or grandparents if you can etc. Problem comes when they want a meeting the next day or volunteers in 3 days time but "No, I can't do that" would be my answer to most of those things. DC's school is good for giving notice of stuff and I bully my DH into covering his fair share - my work is more flexible but I don't see why it should always be me and DC is so pleased when his daddy attends stuff.

carefullycourageous · 09/06/2022 08:40

Yes I agree primary schools are dreadful for this - but a lot of SAHPs could show some solidarity and stop going along with it too. We have had years of one of us being a SAHP but we complained about this vocally at school anyway as it is unfair and outdated. All the 'please make a summer bonnet with a jungle theme' for the next day and 'can you just bake a tray of cakes for Friday' - no no no no no.

It gets better at secondary where school tends to be more respectful. Primary schools are the pits, I was so glad when my last child left! I don't know many primary school teachers IRL - I always wonder if they are nightmare friends who make last minute requests for unreasonable things, or do they only do this to parents?

Branleuse · 09/06/2022 08:41

The uk school system is not designed for 2 working parents like other parts of the world.
Im honestly not sure how on earth people manage

Dancingwithhyenas · 09/06/2022 08:41

Our school still seems keen on doing in person meetings. 90% can be just as easily done online. Transition meeting for year one to two really isn’t essential to be in person.
I know not everyone can do this, but many of us could carve 45mins out of our working day if we can log in from wherever we are working (perhaps doing the odd email as we listen!)

Lordofmyflies · 09/06/2022 08:41

I completely agree with you OP though our secondary school is far better and does schedule evening appointments. Primary school was horrendous - I spent alot of time feeling guilty for not being able to attend plays, school trips, sports days, afternoon teas, music performances, easter parades, parent feedback, church services, etc !!! often with once week notice given.
I understand that the majority of this had to be done in school time, but at least giving notice to working parents gives them some chance of attending and that comes down to school management.

Helpyou · 09/06/2022 08:43

School is education NOT childcare. Teacher's are within their rights to request meetings during their working hours. It's up to you to make arrangements to attend/ partner etc... just like you would prioritise attending a medical appointment. It's frustrating but not the school's fault.

rnsaslkih · 09/06/2022 08:45

The thing is, teachers and pupils are there during school hours. So sports day or whatever is going to be in school hours. And the requests for bonnets or whatever are supposed to be fun for the kids. People would be moaning if it was all cancelled. People would moan that they never saw the inside of the school or anything that their kid did in there. There is no solution to this.

Nutellaspoon · 09/06/2022 08:45

Our school has gone to video appointments which is fab as we just schedule it in as a usual work call, and both dh and I can attend. But can they use a system like zoom, teams, Google meet? No they have to use some weird platform that is so clunky, difficult to use for no apparent reason.

It's the constant requests for baking and making that annoy me. I'd quite happy just pay the pta a protection racket donation at the beginning of the term so that they leave me the fuck alone.

Podgedodge · 09/06/2022 08:47

“‘AIBU my school doesn’t organise anything fun for the children. They even didn’t bother with Sports day as they said ‘we understand some parents work and do not want them to miss out’. My DC started school this year and I have no idea what their day looks like as there was no stay and play for the same reason, my DC found transition a bit hard, but at least I didn’t have to miss any work I suppose. Luckily my DC are rubbish at everything so I never have to attend assemblies, and their teacher can’t be bothered so there are no class assemblies.
Just a bit worried that at the end of term, on a set date, given well in advance , the council might decide schools end on a half day like every other year. “

Really, there are no possible compromises that will make everyone happy…

carefullycourageous · 09/06/2022 08:47

The kids can have fun without a bloody bonnet. If the bonnet is that important it can be requested in good time.

The solution is for schools to be reasonable. Many are not.

carefullycourageous · 09/06/2022 08:49

I agree meetings should be within a teacher's reasonable working hours of 9-4 or 5 in term time and parents must get time off work to do this.

My objections are the bullshit 'dress up as a Victorian tomorrow' as if we all have nothing to do tonight.

Deliaskis · 09/06/2022 08:50

As with many working parents, I'm usually fine with a few meetings and events during the working day, but it's the ridiculously short notice and poor communication and planning that makes it frustrating. With notice a lot of people are able to adjust their working day to accommodate this, but not with notice of only a day or two.

tootiredtoocare · 09/06/2022 08:55

Yep. DD special school is making huge changes and they've made the information meeting at 4.30pm on a day I work. I only work 2 days a week, so I feel terrible that I'm going to have to ask my employer for time off to attend a meeting. It used to be difficult when I was working 5 days as well though, my manager didn't really consider family needs and made it as awkward as possible. I really think they should have made it an out-of-hours thing. They only do EHCP meetings during the day too. I do feel sometimes that they think every parent of a kid with special needs gets carers allowance and can stay home and that's far from the truth.

ChocolateHippo · 09/06/2022 08:57

Nutellaspoon · 09/06/2022 08:45

Our school has gone to video appointments which is fab as we just schedule it in as a usual work call, and both dh and I can attend. But can they use a system like zoom, teams, Google meet? No they have to use some weird platform that is so clunky, difficult to use for no apparent reason.

It's the constant requests for baking and making that annoy me. I'd quite happy just pay the pta a protection racket donation at the beginning of the term so that they leave me the fuck alone.

Just buy something that looks a bit home-baked and wrap it up in baking paper with a ribbon 😂!

Though we don't get requests for home baking much...I wonder if it's due to Covid/allergies?

Vanillaradio · 09/06/2022 08:58

It's the short notice that gets me. I work part time and with a little bit of notice I can swap non working days and/or dh can swap his rota around so he's available. But, for example this week we had a text on Tuesday inviting us to something straight after school on Thursday- not doable to swap around at that short notice when we're both working till at least 5 and ds already booked into after school club.

summer22now · 09/06/2022 08:58

And @tootiredtoocare the DLA don't seem to care about the hours and hours of earnings lost for the additional school and medical appts, that doesn't seem to count as day to day care...